Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

• Bog
  
• Loo
  
• Toilet
  
• Lavatory
  
• Shitter?
  

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose


What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

• A bite from a snake.
  
• A mixture of cider and lager
  
• A flaming from a nest of vipers

[Bluestocking]

What is the correct condiment for a bacon sandwich?
tomato ketchup
brown sauce
barbecue sauce
none of the above

[LineRunner]

Which is correct:

a) Tomato sauce
b) Tomato ketchup
c) Red sauce

[Bluestocking]

LineRunner

[amazingmumof6]

I swore allegiance to the Queen to become a British citizen (now have double citizenship)

does that make me more British or less?

also I'm regularly being told that my spelling is outstanding and my grammar is hardly ever incorrect. (now that I've said that, I'm bound to make a mistake or too)

I had to learn the language from "scratch", but I wasn't forced to do that, it was my choice.

I'm not a foreigner anymore, but I don't fit into any of the classes either....

will I be ever considered British? probably not, because I did not grow up watching the A-team....

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

The A team isn't British though

I never watched anyway.

You are most welcome here though amazing. This thread is us poking fun at ourselves rather than trying to exclude anyone.

[amazingmumof6]

cheers!

ok, let me try

Q: if you unexpectedly (oh dear me!) turn up at anyone's house how can you tell whether they are happy for you to stay for a bit or wish you were never born?

A: the clue is - - - - - - whether they ask you if you want a cup of tea!

(do I pass?)

[Bluestocking]

I've never watched The A Team, and I am as English as it's possible to be. But I do sometimes say that I love it when a plan comes together.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

amazing
You've passed

Would you like a ?

[skratta]

I passed the online test thing.

[mumzy]

One of my colleagues is preparing for her citizenship test so we are helping hindering her. However she still does not know the following vital facts which you need to be considered British:

1. what is Frank Bruno's catch phrase
   
2. why Joanna Lumley is considered a national treasure
   
3. which comes first, jam or cream on scones
   
4. queuing ettiquette

[MaureenShit]

Dunno if you've seen but twitter did this last year

realcitizenshiptest.co.uk/quiz.php?n=1

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Ha ha. That is so true about Ant and Dec.
I'm afraid I don't do the Twitter much. I am too verbose.

[amazingmumof6]

ChazsBrilliantAttitude jolly good! and yes, please a cuppa would be lovely-jubbly!

mumzy - answer to 3 - depends whether you are in Cornwall or Devon!

anyway, if it's done the "wrong" way, just flip it over ffs!

[insideoutsider]

Immigrant here!
I did the test last year and I passed with 24/24 - I got told my score when I mislaid my certificate...

So, I'm more British than y'all! Booyah! :-p

[JustAHolyFool]

"y'all" "booyah" and outward gloating mark you out as totally NOT BRITISH.

You must learn to boast in a manner that suggests you are really quite reticent.

I suggest saying "oh well, I got 24, but it was only because I got a really easy test/studied for 20 months beforehand/shagged the tester".

[JustAHolyFool]

Maureen I got ten out of ten.

PROUD.

[amazingmumof6]

other very British phrases and their meanings:

"would you like more ice cream?" means "I'd like more ice cream, but I'm asking you first, not only hoping that you will say yes, but that you will offer it back to me and than I can legitimately say yes to an kind offer - this way I can avoid the humiliation that would follow my otherwise shameful behaviour of just grabbing the box and fill my bowl with a second helping thus appearing greedy, rude and oh so unpolite"

"how are you" means " hi, this is awkward, go away immediately and please do not tell me how you are because not only I'm not interested, nor will I indeed remember the answer, but I most certainly don't have time for rude people who complain when one only says hello to be polite!"

"you should come over sometime for a cup of tea and a chat" means "I like you but I will never have or make the time to actually invite you in my house, but of course I expect you to immediately offer the same thing and if you don't invite me over I'll have a good reason to strike you from my Christmas card list!"


do I pass?

[secretscwirrels]

You are going to the beach in August, what do you take?
a) a bikini and a bottle of suncream
b) two fleeces and an anorak, fold up chairs, three windbreaks to build a wall around you, a flask of tea, a picnic, some suncream because last time the sun came out and you got a bright red face despite there being a wind chill factor of -5.
c) a and b because you never know.

[insideoutsider]

@JustAholyFool, I rephrase:
I was examined for my Britishness and was found to have achieved an acceptable level having been correct in all my answers. I now count myself very lucky to be allowed to swear allegiance to the Queen :-) Is that better?

[alexpolismum]

I have never sworn allegiance to the queen and I'm bloody well not going to

should I hand my British passport back?

[Moominsarehippos]

I think I did in the Brownies.

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Oh it's gone into classics!

[FellatioNels0n]

Oh good show!

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Yes, let's slap each other on the backs.

[ChristianGreyIsAJackass]

Ive been leaving work for the last hour... but i couldnt stop reading this thread