Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

• Bog
• Loo
• Toilet
• Lavatory
• Shitter?

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose

What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

• A bite from a snake.
• A mixture of cider and lager
• A flaming from a nest of vipers

Your HMV vouchers will not be honoured.
Do you:

a) Write an e-mail of complain to the Manager?

b) Find out where the MD lives and go round there?

c) Go to your nearest HMV, pick up items to value of vouchers, leave vouchers on counter then walk out?

d) Throw vouchers in the bin and cry?

For the shoot you need the top 3. Obv a trick question. But we should have our own MN shoot where we take all of them IMVHO. Let's ask OliviaMumsnet and HelenMumsnet to be referees.

To all smokers from the rest of Europe, where is it acceptable to smoke:
In a pub
In a restaurant
On the bus
In a cafe
Next to non smokers
In fact anywhere but outside.

Part 1

If you go to someone's house for tea, what do you expect to be served?

A cup of tea
Tea, cakes, sandwiches, scones, cream and jam
pie and chips, shepherd's pie or similar
Any of the above depending on where in the country the host comes from

Follow up discussion questions
Tea or milk first?
Are tea bags in the cup acceptable or must one use a teapot?
Jam or cream on the scones first?
What penalty should be applied for anyone using canned squirty cream instead of clotted cream?

Part 2

What is supper?

A gathering at someone?s house with several other guests. A a naice 3 course meal will be served with lots of wine. People will talk about house prices, schools, politics etc
Milk and cookies before bed. Generally only had by children.

You are at a self-service checkout till.

The machine announces "Unexpected item in bagging area." Do you:

(a) Seek assistance from a member of staff
(b) Apologise to the screen
(c) Attempt to resolve the issue yourself
(d) Curl into the foetal position and cry?

London is:

a) the beating heart of our beautiful country, full of cultural and economic opportunities for all
b) a haven for the bastard bankers who are destroying the rest of the country
c) full of fucking hipsters with beards and glasses who do thousands of pointless MAs on Daddy's credit card while snorting up vast amounts of ketamine
d) a place where you can't get a chip butty but you can go and see almost any musical you choose
e) all of the above

In which of the following scenarios is it alright to hug a complete stranger?
a) when they are upset and crying
b) when making their acquaintance
c) when very very drunk

NameGotLost

You need option e), for folk who live in Oxford:

e) kick up a fuss in the store leading to police being called on suspicion of a breach of the peace.

Is it acceptable to have gravy with your chips?

a) Yes. But only if the chips are served with a meat product.

b) Yes. But only if the chips are served with nothing else.

c) Yes. With anything. But only if you're from the north.

d) No. Never.

Is it acceptable to have chips with:
Fish
Sausages
Lasagne
Curry
Maccaroni cheese
All of the above
?

When is it acceptable to panic over the snow forecast and start cancelling trains?
a) at 1 inch forecast?
b) at 1 foot forecast?
c) at the simple mention of the word snow?

Britain is due 2cm of show by tomorrow. do you-

a) realise you only go shopping one a week anyway so possibly not getting to your local shop for 2 days at the most is not the end of the world

b) do your weekly shop as usual and moan along with other sane shoppers at the idiocy of panic buyers

c) go to your nearest shop and purchase, 20 loaves of bread 16 pints of milk, 40 tins of scotch broth soup and 8 tins of spam.

You walk along the pavement when another person approaches going the other direction. That person makes eye contact with you.

How do you react?
a. You look away quickly
b. You smile and say 'Good morning'
c. You quicken your pace to get away from that weirdo

I can answer most of these - it's only taken 20 years in this country . I am going to have to chech the real test out, aren't I...

The London 2012 Olympic Games were remarkable because:

A) it was the first time any city had hosted the Games three times
B) it was the first time anyone in recorded history spoke to anyone else on the Tube*
C) it was the first time a building project in the UK had been completed on time since 1950*
D) it was the first time since 1981 that Princess Diana was not on the front page of the Daily Express*
E) all of the above

*probably

Explain the cultural significance of Katie Price in no more than 20 words using words of no more than 2 syllables.

Which of the following belong in a correctly-made glass of Pimm's and lemonade?

• Pimm's
• Lemonade
• strawberries
• cucumber
• lemon
• lime
• random fruit from your fridge if you haven't got anything else
• ice

(If you answered "not a clue" to the above question, please immediately volunteer to run the bar at your local village fete.)

Is the current market price at a village fete for a glass of Pimm's:
A) £20
B) £25
C) £50
D) £100
E) whatever highly-inflated price the village fete committee wish to charge

Poppwearer
Trick Question.

Which of the following belong in a correctly-made glass of Pimm's and lemonade?

• Pimm's
• Lemonade
• strawberries
• cucumber
• lemon
• lime
• random fruit from your fridge if you haven't got anything else
• ice

Borage obv.

Bonus point for Ruby!

and castelnau

(that was a mistake btw)

Where does "The North" start
a) Gretna Green
b) Watford Gap
c) Birmingham
d) Primrose Hill

Where does "The West Country" Start
a) Chiswick
b) Chipping Norton
c) Stonehenge on the A303
d) Gordano Services

e) all of the above (but not necessarily in that order)

Is the curent snow fall in London:

a)light
b)heavy
c)blizzard
d)a cause for a national panic

talking peace
That would be north of the river.

What is the appropriately British response to a sudden, unexpected heatwave?

a) Venture out to enjoy the sun in a measured fashion after having taken precautions to protect yourself from the effects of dangerous UVA/UVB rays, either by dressing appropriately or using sun protection cream.

b) Stay inside in front of the television - the sun's not going away so why the rush?

c) Immediately rush out into the mid-day sun wearing: (women) strappy tops and (men) shirtless and with trainers without socks, without any skin protection whatsoever. Colonize the nearest available patch of open ground to where you are, along with your family, friends or colleagues, litter it with empty bear cans, sandwich and salad cartons. Spend as long as possible in this area. Go home to realize you are suffering from third-degree burns from sun exposure before spending the next week looking like a boiled lobster and feeling very sorry for yourself.

Empty bear cans?