Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

• Bog
  
• Loo
  
• Toilet
  
• Lavatory
  
• Shitter?
  

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose


What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

• A bite from a snake.
  
• A mixture of cider and lager
  
• A flaming from a nest of vipers

[TalkinPeace2]

Gosh, yes, correct use of the word "Sorry" absolutely separates those who were born here (or have lived here for over 40 years) from t'others

[amazingmumof6]

Q: what is the most British behaviour presented by my 5 year old?

A: I checked on him when he was asleep and tried to put his blanket back on. As I gently moved him, he said sorry. in his sleep!

[amazingmumof6]

what is the correct way of accepting a cup of tea?

1, yes

2, yes, please

3, that would be lovely/nice

4, it doesn't matter what you say, really, as long as the first thing coming out of your mouth is "oooooh" as in " what a surprisingly good idea!"

[RubyGates]

Another trick question TalkinPeace

A4. They run a replacement bus service as they have closed most of the line down for repairs.

[amazingmumof6]

dollydowser - answer to your question: the difference between a napkin and a serviette is the same as the difference between a chiropractor and and osteopath - which is SPELLING!

[Suzer777]

I'm undoubtedly a foreigner...dying to hear the correct answer to some of these questions!

[TalkinPeace2]

Q : On a public holiday when much of the population want do travel do the trains run
A1 : A normal service
A2 : Sunday - less than a third of the trains - service
A3 : Extra services to meet the demand

[TalkinPeace2]

At my citizenship ceremony my (British) kids were shocked that I had to swear allegiance to the Queen - as those born here do not.
Then again it was far more moving than I ever, ever thought it would be. Realising what others had gone through to get to that place was humbling.

But then I've just spent the weekend in nappy valley.
Meeting a well know TV person who was shocked that we wanted to drive back to Hampshire was amusing.
Yah.

[ChristianGreyIsAJackass]

Ive been leaving work for the last hour... but i couldnt stop reading this thread

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Yes, let's slap each other on the backs.

[FellatioNels0n]

Oh good show!

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Oh it's gone into classics!

[Moominsarehippos]

I think I did in the Brownies.

[alexpolismum]

I have never sworn allegiance to the queen and I'm bloody well not going to

should I hand my British passport back?

[insideoutsider]

@JustAholyFool, I rephrase:
I was examined for my Britishness and was found to have achieved an acceptable level having been correct in all my answers. I now count myself very lucky to be allowed to swear allegiance to the Queen :-) Is that better?

[secretscwirrels]

You are going to the beach in August, what do you take?
a) a bikini and a bottle of suncream
b) two fleeces and an anorak, fold up chairs, three windbreaks to build a wall around you, a flask of tea, a picnic, some suncream because last time the sun came out and you got a bright red face despite there being a wind chill factor of -5.
c) a and b because you never know.

[amazingmumof6]

other very British phrases and their meanings:

"would you like more ice cream?" means "I'd like more ice cream, but I'm asking you first, not only hoping that you will say yes, but that you will offer it back to me and than I can legitimately say yes to an kind offer - this way I can avoid the humiliation that would follow my otherwise shameful behaviour of just grabbing the box and fill my bowl with a second helping thus appearing greedy, rude and oh so unpolite"

"how are you" means " hi, this is awkward, go away immediately and please do not tell me how you are because not only I'm not interested, nor will I indeed remember the answer, but I most certainly don't have time for rude people who complain when one only says hello to be polite!"

"you should come over sometime for a cup of tea and a chat" means "I like you but I will never have or make the time to actually invite you in my house, but of course I expect you to immediately offer the same thing and if you don't invite me over I'll have a good reason to strike you from my Christmas card list!"


do I pass?

[JustAHolyFool]

Maureen I got ten out of ten.

PROUD.

[JustAHolyFool]

"y'all" "booyah" and outward gloating mark you out as totally NOT BRITISH.

You must learn to boast in a manner that suggests you are really quite reticent.

I suggest saying "oh well, I got 24, but it was only because I got a really easy test/studied for 20 months beforehand/shagged the tester".

[insideoutsider]

Immigrant here!
I did the test last year and I passed with 24/24 - I got told my score when I mislaid my certificate...

So, I'm more British than y'all! Booyah! :-p

[amazingmumof6]

ChazsBrilliantAttitude jolly good! and yes, please a cuppa would be lovely-jubbly!

mumzy - answer to 3 - depends whether you are in Cornwall or Devon!

anyway, if it's done the "wrong" way, just flip it over ffs!

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Ha ha. That is so true about Ant and Dec.
I'm afraid I don't do the Twitter much. I am too verbose.

[MaureenShit]

Dunno if you've seen but twitter did this last year

realcitizenshiptest.co.uk/quiz.php?n=1

[mumzy]

One of my colleagues is preparing for her citizenship test so we are helping hindering her. However she still does not know the following vital facts which you need to be considered British:

1. what is Frank Bruno's catch phrase
   
2. why Joanna Lumley is considered a national treasure
   
3. which comes first, jam or cream on scones
   
4. queuing ettiquette