Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

• Bog
  
• Loo
  
• Toilet
  
• Lavatory
  
• Shitter?
  

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose


What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

• A bite from a snake.
  
• A mixture of cider and lager
  
• A flaming from a nest of vipers

[FairPhyllis]

Multiple choice. The rules for the much-loved traditional game Mornington Crescent may be obtained by writing to which of the following?

a) The Controller of Radio Four
b) The CEO's office, Transport for London
c) Mrs Ivy Trellis, Pwllheli, North Wales
d) Karl Marx, Highgate Cemetery, London

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

It's raining. Do you say to the person next to you at the bus stop

a) nice weather for ducks

b) this bloody country

c) well, at least it's good for the garden

d) bum, I left the washing on the line

f) none of the above. The British will only address a stranger if they are on fire, or similar.

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Name which social class each of the following home furnishings styles would place you in?


Swirly carpets, mahogany veneer furniture, lladro porcelain figurines

Leather sofa, twigs and pebbly shit, laminated floor, large telly, sky dish outside

Stripped floorboards, oak kitchen table, farrow and ball paint, Egyptian bed linen

Inherited furniture, threadbare rugs, antiquated heating, oak panelling

[5SpeckledFrogs]

You are at a party talking to someone you know slightly. Which of these are acceptable conversational gambits:
a) the weather
b) politics
c) religion
d) your recent STI test

You notice people smile at you in the street. Do you:
a) think how nice the locals are
b) check your skirt isn't tucked in your knickers
c) think they're all plotting to kill you

[OpenMouthInsertCake]

Someone you've only met once before tries to greet you with a hug. Do you:

A) Recoil in horror. Make awkward movements to avoid actually touching them and end up being hugged anyway, all the while wishing the ground would swallow you up.
B) Eagerly return the hug.
C) Eagerly return the hug AND kiss them on the cheek.
D) Eagerly return the hug and try to cop a feel of their arse at the same time.

[Nancy66]

Rate these crimes in order of offence from 'a little bit naughty' to 'unforgiveable and deserves to be shot'

1. living in the city but driving a 4 x 4
   
2. giving your child a traditional name BUT changing the spelling
   
3. not cooking from scratch
   
4. buying coloured loo paper
   
5. not knowing the difference between 'there' and 'their'
   
6. allowing any child under 15 to walk to school alone

[ginmakesitallok]

You get on a bus. Do you sit

A) on the closest free seat, beside the smelly person
B) on the next closest seat, next to teenager with headphones
C) on next closest seat, and ask person to move their bag
D) you stand

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

These are very funny.

[Bearfrills]

You wake up to discover it's 15 degrees outside and a slightly brighter shade of grey than usual. The correct response is:

a. Nothing. It's a normal day.
b. Go back to bed.
c. Ring in sick to work and spend the day incinerating frozen animal parts on the BBQ while wearing shorts and a vest in order to enjoy the summer while it lasts.

Tammy attends university and works two shifts a week at McDonald's. How many Pot Noodles and bottles of supermarket own brand cider can she buy on pay day? Show your work.

[MamaMary]

I'm very to see how many of these relate to class.

Is 'Britishness' SO tied up with class issues?

Must be. Bit :( reading these, not funny at all.

[MamaMary]

The weather ones are good though

[LineRunner]

Which TWO of the following statements are true?

The British eat horses

The British do not eat horses

The British do eat horses but just don't know they're doing it

[FellatioNels0n]

You are standing in the middle of the street in minus temperatures at 2am in January in either Newcastle, Cardiff or Leeds.

Are you:

Wearing salopettes, a woolly hat and clutching skis?

Wearing hiking boots, a rucksack and clutching a map?

Wearing a nun's habit, a celice, and clutching a bible?

Wearing a mini dress with sick on it, bare legs, no coat, and clutching a kebab and a blue WKD?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

PART A
A Public School is

a) a Government funded school that anyone can go to
b) one of 9 (later 10) very very expensive private schools
c) any private school

PART B
Is it possible to answer this question without upsetting someone somewhere?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

MamaMary

Is 'Britishness' SO tied up with class issues?

This could be one of the questions.

And yes, Class is a major issue in this country and laughing at it is a good thing in my book.

[Dollydowser]

What's the difference between a napkin and a serviette?

[FellatioNels0n]

Fried eggs, bacon, fried bread, mushrooms, baked beans, sausage and --

is the missing ingredient

a) carrots

b) sour cream

c) maple syrup

d) HP sauce

e) ketchup

Alert! This is a trick question designed to sort the wheat from the chaff.

[OpenMouthInsertCake]

Read this sentence aloud:

The explorer decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

[InMySpareTime]

If there is only one 20-minute rain shower all day, what time will it be?
A) 6am when you're in bed
B) 10.30am when you're indoors
C) 3.25pm when you're waiting at the school gates.

[InMySpareTime]

What is a biccie?
What is a brolly?
What is TOWIE?
Complete the TV catch phrase "nice to see you...."

[cocolepew]

Friday night is
a. Family night
b. Drinking night
C. Prayer night
d. Bumsex night

[LineRunner]

Complete the TV catch phrase "nice to see you...."

... "I'm a gurning, juddering shit on legs"?

[Nancy66]

In what year was the anal sex law (for heterosexuals) repealed?

[nickelbabe]

someone bangs into you in the street. what is the correct thing to do?
a) tell the person they banged into you.

b) get annoyed

c) apologise

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

A excellent and high,y amusing book for thread contributors: Watching the English - the Hidden Rules of English Behaviour by Kate Fox.

Link here