Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

• Bog
  
• Loo
  
• Toilet
  
• Lavatory
  
• Shitter?
  

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose


What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

• A bite from a snake.
  
• A mixture of cider and lager
  
• A flaming from a nest of vipers

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

A friend suggests you go clubbing on Friday night. You decline because you know you will be too

Knackered
Battered
Lagered
Having marital back door relations

[TheWombat]

'The loo brush is an essential component of any British bathroom.'

Critically discuss, illustrating your answer with examples of British bathrooms from your own experience, or from historical,, fictional or media accounts.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Mug: Milk before or after tea is poured?
Jacket potato: Grated cheese on top of beans or vice versa?

On which occasions is it permissible to
A. Steal a chip
B. Cop a feel
C. Poo in a householder's loo?
D. Bring an Iceland pudding to a festive meal at someone else's house?
E. Use your spare set of keys to enter your inlaw's dwelling place?

[TheWombat]

You are going on a centre parts holiday. What will the neighbours think (in no fewer than 200 words)?

[TheWombat]

Oh ffs. Centre parcs

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

I love Watching the English. I lent my copy to somebody and I can't remember who. Bastards, whoever they are.

[FellatioNels0n]

It snows a bit for three hours.

Do you:

a) Grab a scarf and some sensible boots, then get in your car and go to work as normal.

b) Do a) but put a blanket and a shovel in your car for emergencies.

c) Go out in your car to buy ten loaves of bread then drive home and phone your boss to say you can't come to work for a week.


What happens when it snows a bit for three hours?

a) Schools grit the playgrounds.

b) Schools turn the heating up.

c) Schools call in a couple of supply teachers just to be on the safe side.

d) Schools close for the week so the teachers can sit at home wrapped in a duvet watching old movies and eating ten loaves of bread.

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

MamaMary. I think it's a fact of life that the British are obsessed with class. This is a thread laughing at this obsession amongst other things.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Demonstrate the pearl-clutch whilst hoping bosum and adjusting judgeypants. Extra points for face whilst harrumphing.
Further bonus if managed in a queue and you manage to elicit support from other queue members without making eye contact.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Oh FFS,hoicking bosom, fuck you iPad.

[littlemisssunny]

You go to the sales and when you get thee a lot of people are waiting,

Do you

A) queue
B) queue and complain about the weather
C) just walk up and go straight in?

[Nancy66]

Wheelie bins. Good or bad?

your answer should be no less than 5,000 words.

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

You have a child genius. Do you

a) Tell everyone

b) Tell nobody

c) Steer the conversation around to their area of expertise at every opportunity, hoping that someone will ask you whether little Johnny is any good at maths/english/science, etc.

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Ooooh. Discussion of the Day, no less.

[TalkinPeace2]

Magadlen is pronounced .... ?
Cholmondley ditto
Gloucester ditto
bonus question
Lympne ?

And even though nobody in your family ever when there, which team is dark blue?

[bureni]

What way do you hang your union flag?

A/ On its side
b/ Upside down
c/ The correct way up

[TalkinPeace2]

PS I passed the test :-)
Knowing the six places to get an NI number - which did not include my method : it arrived in the post on my 16th birthday - was my fave

[MrsApplepants]

Explain the correct use of the apostrophe in the English language.

What is 'British Bulldogs?'

Marmalade is a
A. Conserve
B. Preserve
C. Jam
D. All of the above

[DeafLeopard]

Talkin

I'll add

Loughborough
Bicester

to your list

[DeafLeopard]

Jaffa cake:

cake or biscuit?

[MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne]

Don't forget Leicester.

[DeafLeopard]

There is a queue of people, someone pushes passed to the front, what happens next?

a Someone challenges queue jumper
b No-one challenges queue jumper, but everyone in queue exchanges tuts and eye rolls
c What is a queue?