Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

You can do it OP. I'm too far away to come & help, but if I can do anything else please let me know. Depression is an utter shit, your going to get your house sorted for christmas, i can feel it!

Go OP! We are all right behind you, cheering you on.

I know how hard it is to take the small steps needed to even get in the shower some days.

I promise, you will feel so much better for making a start. Remember to focus on what you are achieving instead of what is left to do. You will get there, just keep on going.

Your husband has sight problems so he may be entitled to help from social services - he can ask for an assessment and you can ask for a carers assessment too. Your local CAB or Carers centre may ne able to advise.

I've been watching this thread since earlier today and it makes me feel very proud to be part of a community who can come together and do something so "real" as well as all the fabulous virtual support.
Well done to all of you getting involved and of course to OP herself for having the courage to shout for help when she really needed it.
Hope you have a brilliant day tomorrow and that it's the start of a really positive change for the OP.

Can someone pm me OP postcode, and I will see how far away I am. Happy to come and help if I'm near enough

you definitely need a dishwasher.

that's what you want to spend your christmas money on.
then every time you have a meal or a cuppa, put the pots in the dishwasher.
when it's quite full (but don't always wait till then), put it on.

I'm glad you've found the strength to sort out your kitchen - that's actually the hardest step.

one thing at a time is very useful.

regarding the deep cleaning - steamer in the fridge is good.

and then wipe.

i used Fairy Power spray for cooker and worktops and the sink.
spray it on, wait 10 minutes (or longer if it's really grimy) and then rub with a scouring sponge.
then rinse.
please bear in mind that it rubs off paint, so don't do what I did and merrily rub at the cooker knobs- we have to guess what temperature the oven needs to be at nowadays!

Ive PMd you lisa

One bin bag today, then two tomorrow, then three by saturday, four on sunday. By this yime next week your flat will be sparkly and lets all cook cottage pie on friday to celebrate. We could have a marathon eat in!

Well done. You've been in a fog and now you are emerging. Don't demand too much of yourself. Chip away at the mountain bit by bit and you will get there. Social services will be able to help you. Ive just had an assessment from adult services for my son and they were lovely. There is a form from hell to complete but you might find you qualify for carers allowance or he might get an allowance for a personal assistant which could be someone to clean.

Fabulous people go Laurie and Jax - thank you for helping. I'm too far away or I'd offer too.
Good luck Donewithit - this is a brilliant start. You can do it!!

I love my dishwasher.

What a heart warming response. I am not close enough to help practically but for tips and inspiration this website: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general can be helpful and totally non judgemental.

Good luck!

I finished the Christmas shopping and bought out half the cleaning supplies of Poundworld. Then I went to Costa and had and a pack of

And whilst I was gone you all continued to post me the most amazing messages of support. I had a quick perk at this thread whilst I was sat outside Costa but had to put my phone away because I was going to start crying again.

Believe it or not I do have a dishwasher, I think it was the first thing we bought when we moved in. It has been redundant for about 18 months now though and I think that the first packet of tablets we bought for it is still sitting on top of it half used

Tomorrow I have Laurie and Jax and another wonderful Mumsnetter who PM'd me (I won't name her incase she doesn't want to be 'outed') all coming over to help me. I really feel like there is going to be a breakthrough in this flat tomorrow due to their unquestioning kindness in offering to support a stranger.

This is the side of Mumsnet that is not publicised enough. This idea of women supporting each other to make life that little bit easier all round.

you should be so very very proud of yourself.

Not near enough to physically help. You ladies and OP should feel very good, your doing a wonderful job.

Well done Donewithit, you sound sooo much happier than you're first post. Well done to Laurie and Jax, and Mnetter no 3!
Good luck tomorrow

Well done I'm so pleased for you. Imagine starting the new year with a clean flat, what a lovely start to 2013.

Onwards & upwards!

Well done

Best of luck in getting it sorted. I was reading this morning and coming to the "just chuck it all and start again" conclusion (half a dozen others beat me to it) so I'm so glad you are doing. And yes, this is the best side of the nest of vipers.

You've done the hardest part OP, which is making a start. The thought of doing something can build up so much, especially when you're depressed, that it becomes almost impossible to even imagine starting to sort something out. So HUGELY well done.

You say that to look at you etc, people would think you were 'normal'. You ARE normal. Anyone can get depressed. The situation you are in could happen to any one of us.

So pleased you posted and that people have been able to give you some support. I live oop North or I'd be round with a pack of j cloths. But like so many others, I'm willing you on and hoping that you will soon both be tucking into your home-made shepherd's pie, on a box fresh set of plates, in your newly clean and tidy flat. When I moved into my housing assoc flat it was really in need of a lot of cleaning and freshening up. It was suprising how quickly it got sorted though and how soon it began to look like home, even though it is on the cold/damp side it soon became a homely place to be. Good luck on your mission.
Big unmumsnetty hugs.

please come back tomorrow and tell us how it went and what a sparkly kitchen you have. x

Fab . A wonderful, fantastic, thread.

Awwww i'm always so touched by the kindness of mums netters. Is good to know if you find yourself in a tough situation there is a whole bunch of people ready to help.

Good luck with the clean tomorrow. I hope it goes swimmingly

this has warmed my cockles, i tell you

good luck tomorrow

You lot are so bloody amazing - MN at it's best. Jax Laurie and all the other fairygodnetters - may you have a wonderful Christmas 'cos you're certainly going to give Done the best chance she can of having a great one too

Hi

I've not read all the posts but it seems people are being lovely and supportive. I'm so glad. You're not horrible You've been so unwell. you need lots of help. There are loads of companies who will come in and clean. And they are understanding. Being unable to clean your home is a recognised side effect of mental illness. But you will feel better once it's in order. And whoever puts int in order, all you need to do is follow Flylady's basic tips to keep it that way.

Where are you? I'd love to help you.

xxx

What a lovely thread. And OP well done for accepting some help.

I think we are all fed all these messages of how self-sufficient we should be and not need practical support, but life doesn't always agree.

Have a fabulous day tomorrow and let us all know how you get on