Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Fantastic work!!

You lot inspired me to clean my cooker! Unfortunately, while I was doing so I missed out on the M&S hamper glitch I'd been hoping for for weeks

I knew there was a reason I shouldn't clean :)

I'm so proud to be a part of such a wonderful community. You ladies are awesome, restores faith in humanity.

I'm so glad you got the help you needed OP, what a difference a day makes :)

Congratulations!!! You all deserve lots of , and pizza, and should feel very proud of yourselves.

And just caught up with FurryDogMothers posts too. Wow! for taking control. Hope you enjoy the much deserved roast chicken!

Go HR !!! I have to do that myself actually, have been putting off applying for anymore jobs, because I get a crushing feeling for every one that either doesn't answer at all, or rejects me, have been out of the work place for total of 6 1/2 years raising DC, now situation is fit for me to do an evening job, I never thought it would be so hard!

What an astounding story this has been. Starting deeply despondent and sad, and now jubilant and sparkly and inspiring.
Donewith I bet you didn't imagine this outcome.
Wipers bloody well done, what an amazing thing to have done.
You should all be very proud of yourselves.

Hi, I'm new on mums net and found this thread yesterday. I think it's AMAZING what you mumnetters have done to help DoneWithItAllNow. It's really restored my faith in human kind. What fantastic ladies you all are !

Sorry also meant to say well done OP that was very brave of you to accept the lovely scrubbers ladies help and I'm so glad it was such an uplifting day (literally! )

Well done MN again! x

Well done ladies!!!! You are all tremendous! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Done i'm glad you are feeling better and i hope you enjoyed meeting some lovely MNetters. I know i did when i met some

to you lovely cleaning crew.

pablo First of all welcome to MN, secondly; dont dare go telling outsiders that we are not a bunch of judgy, meanspirited, bitchy, vipers.

And for the record - I much prefer wiper to scrubber.

Now, I am off to enjoy my chinese food.

I love this thread. Sobbing...

to the nest of wipers

furry where about in the country are you? If you are close I could give you a hand

Fucking hell you lot rock!

Well done OP and the nest of wipers and everybody else who is tackling scarily out-of-control neglected areas of their lives. You're an inspiration!

My own place is not nearly as bad as it once was. I used to feel more at home on this site than on flylady. The crunch came the day I lit the cooker and the entire hob became a sea of flame from all the crispy bits of old dried food. My problem was also depression and also menopause linked. A year or so later, the entire house is OK ish (although badly in need of redecoration) except for my 'office' which is still piled high with junk. Not a great environment for a freelancer but I'll get there!

Now you have some spaces cleared and clean it's really really important to get some routines in place to keep them that way. I learnt the hard way how dispiriting it is if you don't and the mess just piles up again.

That's for tomorrow though - this evening, give yourself a massive pat on the back and put your feet up with a big , , [beer], or whatever you fancy. You deserve it!

I love this thread!

OP you sound so lovely and thoroughly deserving of help from those wonderful MNers.

It's nice to know there is such kindness out there.

Well done women!!

This is the most exciting thread I've seen for ages!
Hope all went well today cleaning ladies.

Anya - I'm in Ireland - thanks very much for the offer, but H (he ain't DH today!) would be mortified if I let anyone else see inside the house :) Plenty I actually posted on that site a couple of years ago, but never made much progress - I'm feeling that this time it's different. Not sure why, but I've been taking charge of my life a lot more in recent months - lost loads of weight for a start, menopausal stuff is fading now (at long last!), I'm getting some exercise and outdoor time, and I am SO sick of not being able to ask people round, or even let them in! I used to be the Queen of Dinner Parties, FFS!

I understand the need for routines - I'm going to make (yet another) list of daily tasks and try to stick to it. We canNOT carry on living like this - and I'm determined to make sure we don't.

Having another glass of the home made red now :) H is in the pub - grrrr!

I am so happy for you :)

This is brilliant news. Donewith you sound like a new person, and Laurie, Jax and Co - you are stars.

This is the best, most Christmassy thread ever!

Thank you for being so open Donewith. You set the spirit of Christmas going here.

Utterly unMN xxx

What a lovely thread, full of christmas spirit

from another home wine maker, Furry. It's amazing how we can make a clean space when we have a good enough reason to (also amazing how there's not loads more home wine makers around, given the state of the economy and the popularity of wine)

First thread I've actually shed tears.

Amazing.

I have been reading this with tears rolling down my cheeks. What a lovely Christmas Gift you ladies have given. One person can't change the world but can change the world for another person. Merry Christmas to all of you, especially you OP for being brave enough to ask for help.

How great to hear today went so well donewithit. You sound much brighter which is lovely. And big unmumsnetty hugs to all the wipers too. And to Furry and everyone else who have been inspired to get started on de-cluttering and cleaning etc. This really is hugely heartwarming and something to make us realise there are so many fantastic people in this world. And also to realise that all of us need a spot of help sometimes.

I can quite safely say that if I'd had a phobia of dead flies and spiders, today would definitely have cured me

LOVELY people I met today, seriously, OP has a fab sense of humour, Laurie and Jax are great company, and time went by v. quickly. And had the honour of meeting a very pretty catty too!

Done - I am so glad you feel 'UP', if a bit exhausted!! It sounds like you have all had a good day, with lots of great MN company and steamy cleaning! Let us know how you feel tomorrow morning. A question - feel free not to answer :) Are you a hoarder? Most people who end up in a bit of a state are also hoarders and most hoarders end up in a bit of a state - but you sound like you willingly let others throw things away and you sound like throwing things out doesn't worry you - so not a hoarder?!

Furry - I'm glad you have found a 'safe space' You are definitely not alone (nor are there just the 3/4 of you on this thread!). It often comes up when a hoarding thread is started and not infrequently on threads where the Op has depression or other stressful family situtations. Your options for rubbish removal are pretty limited aren't they. Would you be able to have a bonfire? Are you a hoarder?

There are lots of us here who don't judge and just want to help/support in any way we can OK x