Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Furry you cartainly aren't alone

My house is untidy & dusty rather than filthy but with 2 teens, 2 cats & a large dog it's a fight to keep it straight & I have to admit succumbing to the old black dog this year after a broken ankle (me) investigations for constant migraines (DD2) Uni applications (DD1) Crashing into the menopause (me)
and losing several of my part time jobs all at once. I just about manage to stop us disappearing in our own filth but the constant clutter really gets me down.

I will happily join you & anyone else who wants a kick up the backside support & motivation in doing the 15 minute boogie every day at least once to clear one area/corner/cupboard. I need to concentrate on the sitting-room this weekend so we can get the Christmas treeup & sorted.

Ive been lurking too.

I would have liked to join you today, Im Herts, but had a previous commitment unfortunatly :-(

Well done Donewith. So pleased that the lovely Mn ladies helped you to tackle the doom.

I wonder if your eyes opened to it because actually your medication is working and you're now on better form. With a tidier house it should help to lift the mood a little.

Hope you and dh enjoy your new improved house.

I've never been so emotional over a sparkling kitchen in all my life

Welcome OP and all of you helpers. You're all amazing

So pleased DoneWithItAllNow

I think there's few things better than a sparkling kitchen! Well done to those lovely Mnetters who helped you.

Well done ladies............this thread gets better & better

thats what this whole thread has made me do from start to finish, donewith you are my new heroin, the other will be known as scrubbers from this day forward. you are all amazing.

Done I am so happy that you have a had such a good day, I think that the help you have had is fantastic, I am amazed at the power of mn. Just an idea about the damp, can you get a dehumidifier as that will help with it ?

I responded to this thread a few moments after it was first posted yesterday morning. Just came back.

What a difference a day makes! I'm all teary now.

Wow!! honestly you're all amazing!! donewith I cna just imagine the laughs and work that has gone on at your house!! Brilliant! What did your DP say??

wohoo! well done ladies!

Just fabulous! Well done everybody. What an inspiration you all are.

I thrilled for you OP!

Amazing work!

Wow! You sound like a totally different person today, Donewith :) Would you have believed what a difference 24 hours could make when you started this thread? Up and down the country, sinks and floors are sparkling because of you. Bet you didn't think you'd be an inspiration to so many, did you?

A big well deserved pat on the back for you and the MN Wipers

I think this thread should go in classics so we can point the naysayers to it when we get accused of being nasty bitches.

And to the lovely MN'ers who helped, you are amazing!

no tears here, nope, none

Lurking and cheering you on OP

well done Wipers. you are an amazing team of women

You must be feeling great this evening, DoneWith - if a little shellshocked, I expect :) Hope to hear from you later/tomorrow/whenever you feel up to it. Thanks to all for replying to me, too - I've just cleaned one entire work surface, the processor, the blender, my bread machine and the top of the fridge. The casserole still lurketh in the corner, 'cos it's dark outside and I think it woud be best opened out there!

Bossy that sounds like an awful year you've had - I'm just coming out of the far end of the menopause myself (which I think contributed to all this, though I've never been tidy) and it can be really debilitating at times - no sleep, hot sweats/flushes, brain gone on holiday etc. - so that, plus the depression, well, not surprising that we're not on top of everything (though am rather extremely underneath everything, myself!).

I'll definitely go investigate the Flylady and hoarding stuff - it is SUCH a relief to be able to talk about this very embarrassing problem - I've felt so alone with it (husband seems to happily live in it, despite us making list after list of what to tackle first).

I just put a chicken in the oven to roast - so nice to have some work area to cook in - and tomorrow the casserole gets ditched, and I tackle the other side of the kitchen.

You are all amazing people - you're changing lives here, you know. That's not sentiment, that's truth. Thanks again to DoneWith for your incredible courage in posting - without you, I would still be despairing - now I feel twinges of hope :)

Ok, thanks Op.
You'e just managed to make an old cynic like me cry.
I hope you're proud of yourself.

Aww Furry, so please you are feeling hopeful! Keep keeping on and coming back here for support

Oh, how wonderful Do take time to relax and give yourself a huge pat on the back, Donewith! You saw it, faced and accepted help with it. Brilliant.

Congrats and to the amazing MN Wipers, of course!

I'm also suffering from massive head-under-the-duvet-itis wrt cleaning, tidying, decorating, health probs and financial/officialdom worries. Argh. Am hoping to feel lifted enough by MN loveliness to at least tackle one thing a day ...

Brilliant FurryDogMother I hope you have a lovely dinner tonight!

Hugs all round x

Excellent work Laurie, Jax and the other helper - you've made me focus on what christmas should be about - generosity and helping others (and not stressing about what turkey to buy!)

Done - hope you enjoy your sparkling kitchen tonight, what a wonderful thread!

aw furry well done you, for coming on and saying your bit :)

Today the work surface, tomorrow the casserole, and by Christmas, a much happier you! you can do it, we will help you x

Actually, as we`re all opening up here ... we are starting a new business, but it´s not going well and we are running out of cash. I need to get my head out of the sand apply for more jobs but it takes me ages (we are abroad and I have to write everything laboriously in the local language) and I keep getting knocked back, which is killing my confidence.
I need to apply for a lot of jobs and stop mumsnetting procrastinating. So I´m going to do one right now. Then tomorrow I´m going to take an hour and do another. Until they are done.

Thanks MN x

So glad to hear you've had a great day, DoneWith.

to you and the Nest of Wipers!