Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Op can be so proud of herself and the fact that others are taking action after being inspired by her.

Good Luck Harriet

Oh, I cried a little bit. I hope you're feeling more positive OP, and are looking forward to having a usable kitchen. Everyone who has helped, either practically or just by posting supportively, is just so lovely.

I too have been inspired to start - in small, manageable 15 minute chunks - on something I've been putting off because it's too big and scary, namely my PhD thesis. It's behind, very behind, and I end up sticking my fingers in my ears, going LALALA and spending days on the internet. I'm still terrified but I figure that even if I only do 15 minutes, I've still done something I otherwise wouldn't have.

You wouldn't believe how little you don't need/can live without.

My friend's house was burned to the ground in a fire , the only thing she missed were photos of the kids when they were little... She didn't miss any of the stuff they had accumulated over the years...

Agree with everyone - lovely thread.

Has inspired me think about cleaning

14 month old DS always commandeers the swiffer/mop etc. so it's a bit hard to do a thorough clean though our flat is fairly clean and tidy

This is an amazing thread. Good luck OP.

Just seen this too, how amazing that strangers on the Internet can rally round .

I'm looking forward to seeing how you all get on.

Well done to the volunteers and very well done to OP for realising the situation she was in and doing something about it. You should all be proud of yourselves.

Done...you've touched a lot of lives with this thread, just as you have taken inspiration from the support, many have rightly taken inspiration from you. Many, many of us posters and lurkers have been thinking of you all day and will be wishing you well for the future.

Naokhohoho I'd be up for starting/joining a support thread for anyone who's been putting off big things and is being chased by demons/black dogs (as long as we don't use it as a way of procrastinating!!!). I really feel for you re the thesis. I'm a freelancer and have frittered days online instead of trying to get work done/generate new work... I have one proper bit of paid work and I've been avoiding doing that too.

But you're so right, even 15 mins will make a difference.

done, your bravery is galvanising others to take action in their own lives. Thank you.

I hope you are having a very productive day and a lovely pizza!

Another one inspired by you to clean!
I dusted and vacuumed the whole house; stripped DS's bed after a sickness bug; did two loads of laundry and have another one (towels) waiting to go in tonight; cat litter tray cleaned and changed; a hospital appointment that was at an unsuitable time changed today, the day it came; shopping in for the weekend and recycling done. Most productive two and a half hours for a while :o.

Can't wait for your update!

hi everyone! I am home again now. I would like to thank chaz for the kind offer of pizza, but we just got on with cleaning and only stopped for the coffee/ciggie fix that we needed.

there were 3 of us + OP and I think we got quite a bit done today. Boxes were emptied, rubbish was bagged (poor bin men) and stacked. The kitchen got a massive clean, the fridge/freezer got emptied and cleaned.

The Shepherds pie that OP wants to make can now happen!

And the bathroom got a good scrub.

The living room got lots of sorting out, but I think the main places, kitchen and bathroom are now fully functioning and sparkly clean.

Laurie and I had to leave to get DC from school but we did leave quirrel there with her head inside the freezer; defrosting it. She is a little superstar that young 'un as is laurie I am now desperate for a steam mop!

OP house is by no means done, we ran out of time, but it is so much better. The main issue is damp - and that isnt OP fault at all, its just the style of building.

I really enjoyed myself today and am proud to have worked along side 3 other lovely wipers/vipers MNers.

Oh, I am also going to spot check OP kitchen, but she doesnt know this yet...

Ooh a Mumsnet Cristmas Special! Hurrah!

Gawd bless us everyone!

Well done you darling little vipers!

Brilliant news jax You can all be very very proud of yourselves

Thanks so much for the update, jax. Sounds brilliant :o.

Have some .

Well done. Sounds like you achieved a lot. Hopefully it'll give op the boost needed to finish the job and start enjoying opening her front door at he end of each day.

I like being a viper.

and to you all.

Aww you lovely wipers!

:)

Also home and echo what Jax said, I had a lovely day scrubbing and the OP is as brave as brave can be letting us interfering lot in her home.

I'd never met a real mumsnetter before today and it was great to do so.

I think the problem is that people never ask for help and that's what so amazing about the (lovely in real life, OP) - she allowed people to help.

People always want to help and no one ever asks.

I hope to meet you all again - I'm popping back Tuesday with a few bits of washing I said I'd do plus I really want to finish the bit I started as I ran out of time.

to all my new mumsnet friends

Hope all is going well with the clean-up donewithit and crew. Have been thinking about you all today and hope you are making good progress.

Well done Jax and the other vwipers. Well done DoneWith. Great start.

Keep posting especially if you need a boost to keep it up.

well done scrubbers!! you deserve a big

hope the OP has a lovely weekend with her DH in her spruced up house

Well done all of you. Toying with the idea of cleaning my oven.....

You lot are a real nest of vipers. Brilliant thread and brilliant outcome.

Well done Laurie, jax and quirrel. Vipers extraordinaire!

absolutely brilliant!! now when are you next in the east midlands ??