Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

I mumsnet

What a lovely thread to read!! Good luck for tomorrow, we are all thinking of you!

Eh? That was meant to say I love mumsnet bloody app

Wow! I've just come across this thread and can I say what a lovely bunch of vipers you are. As I said on another thread we vipers are best at things like supporting other vipers.

Ladies, have a good day tomorrow and I hope you get lots done, you are all stars.

What a lovely thread. I would defo ditch the fridge op, with a two year old casserole in it it would provably be of interest to portion down. Sling the contents and get the council to take it away, they still so that sort if thing but there might be a small charge (it's a tenner here). Then get yourself on freecycle or gumtree to find a replacement. Loads of otople replace white goods about now so there are bargains. Also don't know if there is one near you but there's a British heart foundation furniture and electrical goods shop in our nearest town, all electrical goods properly checked.

Chuck the microwave too, a simple one is about forty quid these days.

Lovely thread

Wow! What a fab thread!

good luck tomorrow

Nest of vipers? Pah! MN rocks. What an amazing thread. Please update us tomorrow.

Mn at its absolute best :)

Good luck with the cleaning and sorting op. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and my house has gotten on top of me. This thread has inspired me to make a start too. Thank you op

Op treat yourself to m&s for Christmas, it won't cost much for the 2 of you & it's a £20 deposit. Deadline is Saturday. Don't worry about stressing yourself out about cooking at Christmas.i have suffered from depression in the past & now I just say no to things that I know will cause me stress. With 5ds' the state of my house gets to me sometimes but I just chuck things out or flog loads on eBay. Very therapeutic

Promise you'll take before and after pictures of your kitchen? Then bit by bit you can do the same for each room.

well vipers generally only bite when they are threatened anyway or a tad peckish but lets forget that bit

Well done those who are turning up tomorrow to help - and well done OP for getting to the point where you can do something

I have a good friend in the USA and she and one of her more local friends have a deal where they blitz each other's houses when needed. She says it turns into a great catch-up and can be fun . Def better than tackling it yourself!

report back and tell us how shiny it all looks once done

You lovely nest of wipers!

best of luck tomorrow ladies - OP do you know where you local tip is? i would load whatever you can into cars (with the help of the lovely ladies on here) and take it all to the local dump it site - then start again as you mean to go on.

your doing great OP. well done for doing it - what amazing progress you are making!

Good luck tomorrow guys!

This wonderful to read - a real lift if you're feeling down.

Bloody big pat on the back OP for being so brave to post about it. Don't forget to open a couple of windows or the whole lot of you will be passed out from cleaning product fumes.......

Heart warming thread xx

At least twice a week I think to myself "I bloody love mumsnet!"
You lot are incredible.
Laurie I want to buy you flowers!
OP, well done for facing up to it and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you :)

Whenever I see a thread like this I think Nest Of Vipers? Righty ho.

Really brave of you to post your OP, and I'm just overawed at the support you've received. When I write my autobiography this thread will be the chapter titled "Why I Love Mumsnet".

I bloody love this thread. Can't wait to hear how it went and to know if any of you lot want to come round and tile my bathroom :o

What an amazing thread! If I lived closer I'd love to help but I'm about 200 miles away. I'll be at work tomorrow but will be willing you all on in your cleaning mission and will catch up with your progress tomorrow evening.

Have lots of to keep you going.

Bloody Hell! How fantastic!! I feel all mushy now. When I'm under the black cloud, housework is the first thing to slide so it's so easily done to get into a lot bit of a state.

Good for you, OP, and a big snog to your cleaning fairies!

Have a decluttertastic time tomorrow!

Jax or Laurie can you PM me, I'm S Bucks too. I'm working tomorrow but will be able to find some down time to help.

I'm working tomorrow, otherwise I'd have offered to come round.

So instead i'm going to put some tunes on the minute i get home and give my kitchen the scrub of its life in honour of donewithitall, Laurie, Jax and mumsnetters everywhere.