Biblical Mumsnet

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

TheVirginMary: AIBU to think that dh could have at least booked a hotel?

Relationships: DH is coveting our neighbours DW, should I LTB or wait for God to smite him?

Good Housekeeping: Feck! How do I get rid of a plague of locusts?

ds has started hanging around with 12 friends. they seem to think he walks on water. keep giving him ideas that will get him into trouble. They even say he's The Messiah. I told them, he's not The Messiah. he's a very naughty boy!

AIBU: I run a little community banking business in the temple precincts, my DH started it years ago and I took it over after he died. It's ever so popular, I'm always first port of call when people need a little extra to afford their Passover lamb. Anyway, last week a bearded man who I am pretty sure had MH issues ran in, started shouting about how my business was an abomination and then turned my table over. All the shekels went everywhere and now I don't know if I can afford new school sandals for Malachi and Benjamin :(

Would I be unreasonable to complain to the high priest in the hope of getting some compensation?

Chat: Does anyone believe in dreams? My DH is a governor of a province with a big Jewish population and they've been having some problems with some local weirdo who's been winding up the sanhedrin. DH can't be arsed with the whole thing and wants to hand the guy over to the Jewish priests to administer justice and wash his hands of the whole thing. But then last night I had a really vivid dream that the guy was innocent of the charges against him... I told DH and asked him to let the man off but he is all and thinks I am bonkers. I just have such a bad feeling about the whole thing though, I can't let it go.

Conception: due to complex family circumstances I shan't go into here, I and my sis have ended up living with our father in a cave in the middle of nowhere. Our body clocks are ticking and we are both desperate to have babies, but there are literally zero possible men around. We're quite tempted to get our father drunk and, er, take advantage of him, does anyone what point in our cycles would be best to do the deed?

What's for dinner?
All we ever have to eat is manna. Anyone got good recipes? I fancy something spicy so a curry recipe would be great.

Those of you with babies who only have wise men and heavenly hosts to worry about should count yourselves lucky. My ds1 has refused to follow dh into the carpentry trade, and is seeing a local girl Mary Mag. She seems sweet and keen on Ds but she has something of a reputation IFYSWIM. Should I encourage this relationship?
my BF's son and DS have always been friends but I am sensing tension between them. DS says he doesn't trust Judas anymore though they have been besties for years. BF thinks her DS is perfect but I reckon he would do anything if the price was right.WWYD?

"You shall not know the day or the hour" Is this normal teenage behaviour asks JumpJockey - I'd say, probably Yes !

Anyone got any recommendations for publishers? Have got this great idea about a woman who gets pregnant but not with her husband, then fast forward around thirty years and it follows him and his mates around... I'm sure it will be a hit.

Ah, but will it be the greatest story ever told?

I wonder if I would get more sales if I filed it under 'non-fiction'...

Oh, sorry, a couple of other guys got there first with versions of that story first, the one called Mark did it first and then there was another longer version with a suprise twist on the ending - maybe you could publish together as a sort of literary experiment?

That Mark was always a wanker.

A group project could work, I guess.

WWYD: Has anyone had experience of getting rid of problem tenants?

Two months ago I rented out my upstairs room to a group of friends. They seemed OK at the time but it turns out that some (most) of them are not very naice - in fact one of them was in trouble with the law and got arrested - not sure what happened to him.

Anyway, my main concern now is that I hear weird noises all the time from upstairs - rushing sounds and people babbling in lots of different languages. Frankly, I suspect drugs are involved. How can I get rid of them?

Chat: I found a shopping list this afternoon!

Five loaves
Naice fish (two)

Then at the bottom in a different hand:
Are you sure this is enough? M.Magd.

Longhaul: Cheap last minute trip to Egypt?

DH has suddenly decided we should take a quick winter break in Egypt - I was a bit , especially as we have a newborn, but he is very insistent. Anyone got any suggestions for a cheap deal?

AIBU in thinking somebody should get me down off this cross?

AIBU in parking my donkey in a leper only space?

Chat: It's 2040BC next year. Does anybody know what the BC stands for?

Cookery: Hi all! Does anybody have any good recipes for apple? I've never tried them before! Eve. x

AIBU in sticking a beaver's tail and a duck's mouth on an otter for a laugh? I'm been making stuff for 6 days now and I'm fucking bored!

Don't click This. It's blasphemous!

DH wants us to go on Jeremiah Kail for a DNA test. WTF??

Employment issues: My boss is treating me really unfairly. First she made me sleep with her dh (who is really OLD) so I would get pregnant and have a baby which she would take as her own. I actually did pregnant and have the child, but she can't handle it. Now she is beating me and I want to run away. Would I have a case at a tribunal or should I just peg it into the desert?

Breast and bottle feeding: My baby is a few hours old and I am trying to get used to this breastfeeding lark, but we keep having loads of visitors (mostly shepherds). We're in a barn, so I can't really go upstairs and feed him alone. I feel really embarrassed with my boobs hanging out all over the place, and it's making it difficult to get the latch right. Any suggestions for how I could breastfeed discretely in public?

at Jeremiah Kail!!

these are fecking hilarious

WWYD: I'm stuck in a whale! Knife my way out, or pray to God to save me?

AIBU to leave the bastard? He went out muttering something about an impossible job in Nineveh, then turned up weeks later with some bullshit story about being inside a whale? He must take me for a fool.

S&B: my dad has bought me a really expensive coat, but it is a bit garish. Is technicolor just too much on a bloke?

Great minds MrsG