Biblical Mumsnet

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

TheVirginMary: AIBU to think that dh could have at least booked a hotel?

Relationships: DH is coveting our neighbours DW, should I LTB or wait for God to smite him?

Good Housekeeping: Feck! How do I get rid of a plague of locusts?

This really should be in Classics!

Style and Beauty: how do I get oil out of my hair? I was washing my DP's feet with oil and got a bit carried away....MaryMag

We wish he'd fuck off as well. The Ephesians.

AIBU: to think it'll be fine to ignore and/or interpret this 'bible' thing sensibly, according to what we think is right, for the first 1,600 years? And to then think people who talk about interpreting it literally thereafter are a) weird and b) lacking in historical awareness?

Chat: I just saw a herd of mad pigs run full pelt and throw themselves off a cliff. What are the chances of that?

AIBU to sacrifice my only son? The Lord has told me to in order to prove my faith.

My husband's vizier is plotting against the my people the Jews - AIBU to trick him into betraying himself and get my DDad his job?

Is my DM BU - she wants me to dance for DSDad then ask for the head of John the Baptist - this can't end well but I can't seem to say no to her!

FIL promised his youngest son in marriage to me to give me sons after his older two sons, DH1 and DH2 were both smitten by God for spilling their seed during sex - WIBU to pose as a prostitute and trick him into impregnating me?

Not sure what to do - I have two angels staying with me and the populace want to rape them - its fine to give them my two virgin daughters to amuse themselves with, right?

I think my new neighbour is being rude - this new guy has moved into my area, he's not staying long, about 40 days and nights I think, and I've tried to be friendly, I've not got many neighbours out here in the wilderness, I've tried inviting him round for dinner and offered him bread but he's been really rude and is accusing me of temptation. Should I try again or just leave it?

My mate Jesus has just healed my MIL - should I tell him how much this annoyed me or just leave it be and not invite him round again next time shes sick?

My eldest DB has really hurt MDM's feelings - we went round to the temple to try get him to come home for dinner and when he was told she was outside his response was that EVERYONE was his mother and brothers - it doesn't bother us, he's always been weird, but great for a glass of wine when you are stuck, but he's her favourite - how should I broach the subject with him?

Legal stuff: About three months ago a collection of migrant workers frm various ethnic backgrounds began to contruct a huge tower on our village green. They have now wandered off unintelligably to their homes, leaving the construction half finished. What are my rights?

AIBU: to want half of my neighbour's baby to replace my dead one? Share and share alike, I say.

Style/beauty: the nude look is sooo yesterday! Help me chose which animal pelts to wear, thanks, Eve.

Health: my son Peter and his friends have been really badly burned just on the top of their heads, I'm also concerned they may be delirious, shall call a physician?

Relationships - should I LTB, or would it be simpler to drive a tent peg through his head while he's asleep?

Weather: Will this bloody rain ever stop? Yours etc.

oooh, this is discussions of the day! 7 years on mn, and this is the first time I think.

My ds Jonah is an eco-warrior and wants to save the whales. He went whale spotting yesterday and hasn't come home. Should I be worried? My DN Daniel is a bad influence - him and his bloody lions!

Style & Beauty

Should I have my colours 'done'? I'm just concerned because my friend recently found out she's a Springy Summer, and now won't be seen dead in anything that's not blue.

General Health: I just feel so old all the time. Yours, Methuselah.

AIBU to hoik up my judgey pants and chuck anyone who doesn't worship me into a lake of fire to suffer unimaginable torment for the rest of eternity?

Cheapest Place To Buy Fatted Calf?

Promotional codes and discounts: does anyone have a code for that new department store? Herods.

AIBU to shift this bloody great rock in front of a cave? The rock would have made a great bit of hardstanding for me new camel port but when I went back with my cart there were all these women wailing and yawping about some dead body they'd mislaid.

DD's school won't allow shellfish or cloven-hoofed meat or squirrels in her packed lunch. She doesn't like locusts or honey. I'm running out of ideas.
Another thing - are twigs and stones acceptable ornaments in my new tent? I'm stuck inside because the way of women is upon me and it's fucking boring.

Dinner Party Recipe Ideas Please

It's supper, for twelve

Property and DIY: DH wants to build our new house on the sand, I keep telling him he's being foolish but he won't listen. Any ideas for convincing him to rethink?

Gardening: My garden is nothing but rocky ground and thorns, how will I ever grow my own veg? Next door manage to get things to grow 30x, 60x, even 100x but mine is rubbish...

Parenting: DS never lets me know when he'll be coming back of an evening - I say I'm worried for him but he spouts something about You shall not know the day or the hour. Is this normal teenage behaviour?

Style and Beauty: Brazilian Wax, or traditional Burning Bush removal?