Biblical Mumsnet

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

TheVirginMary: AIBU to think that dh could have at least booked a hotel?

Relationships: DH is coveting our neighbours DW, should I LTB or wait for God to smite him?

Good Housekeeping: Feck! How do I get rid of a plague of locusts?

Is your manger under warranty? You should be able to afford alsorts with the CSA you will be getting off Jesus' dad!

Food: I'm worried my son John is only eating locusts and honey - how do I get him to eat a more balanced diet?

Try him with a few leaves. Make then sound like a donkey pulling a cart as you put them near his mouth. He will love it

I work for the Roman Tourism Board. I had an idea to re-name the Via Dolorosa the

Viatissima X-Factorossima

and have lithe oiled dancers and minstrels ooze and gyrate their way along while the crowds squeal and throw gold coins.

The winner strangles the other competitors and dances naked in the fountain of TrevorFailedPopStarus while I collect the gold coins and leg it to... not saying

AIBU to dump my girlfriend. We were gonna get married next year but she's just told me she's pregnant and I know for a fact it's not mine. She's such a sweet girl and I still love her. I can't believe this has happened. WWYD ? I think I'll have to sleep on it and decide what to do in the morning ....

WIBU to cut my boyfriends hair? He claims it's the source of his strength but I just think he's overly invested in a style which is so last prophet!

Last Friday my DS went out with his mates and ended up getting absolutely crucified. Literally. I mean I didn't even see him all weekend. Now, a few days later, he's made a miraculous reappearance and expects everyone to carry on as normal because he is the "son of God" . Does anyone else think he might be a narcissist?

Relationships : I've been married for a short while, we've moved around a lot and struggle with money, but my wife and I have yet to actually have sex. Now she's pregnant !!! And claims it was the Holy Spirit. Should I leave her and will I be liable for CM if it's not my child?

Dadsnet Hi, my dad is omnipotent and it's rather awkward now that I'm a teenager and have..erm... needs.

Relationships My wife has recently turned to a block of salt, it's putting a strain on our relationship as she shows a distinct lack of affection these days ( although is quite handy when I run out of salt in the kitchen ) . Any advice ?

Recipes And advice on what to cook with a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish ? We've a lot to feed so need to make it stretch.

feminism Not allowed to partake in stoning session this morning, not sure how I feel about it.

General Health: Help, I've got a burning bush! Is it thrush?

:o

AIBU : Would it be unreasonable to leave the dinosaurs off my new boat ? I have two of everything else.

AIBU to give away frankincense and myrrh given as baby gifts? Allergies you know!
Financial: Jesus saves, but Moses invests...

S&B : Dressing for the rapture ? How to get it right.

We three Kings of Orient are .... traveling to meet a newborn baby King ... we're following his natal star ... yes, I know it sounds unlikely but bear with me ....
Thing is Mumsnetters what do you think we should take as gifts ?
I thought you'd be the people to ask ...
What would be useful, you know really appreciated ?!
Thanks for your help xxx

AIBU to deny my husbands favoured son his birthrite? He favours our eldest son, who is always out hunting and barely acknowledges me when he is around but I think it should be going to our younger son who is such a clever boy, studies hard and treats me as a mother should be treated, wibu if I helped him trick my husband into giving him the birthrite?

AIBU: We had a visitor today, some bloke named Jesus, and my sister Mary just sat and chatted to him all day and left me to do all the cooking and cleaning! Then our guest had the cheek to say "Martha, Mary's got the right idea"!! AIBU to kick her out and tell him he's not welcome here again?

Good Housekeeping: Any advice on keeping a stable clean? The animals make such a mess!

Behaviour/Development: I'm so tired of broken nights, DD wakes up if she gets damp...I mean, I know it says 'we shall not all sleep but we shall all be changed' but its getting a bit much.

Relationships: My husband keeps nagging me to praise him at the city gates, I know I've been putting it off, but I cba. Should I LTB?

chat Friday night living in Sodom and bumsex thread

Aibu to be annoyed that I work all the hours god sends while all these layabout lepers do nowt all day and they all seem to have new widescreen abacuses

AIBU - to think that my SIL Mary Magdalen is being a bit too precious about her carpet ? Some carpenter turned up last week (for a quote I think he said , or maybe it was a sermon I can 't remember , sorry not drip feeding ) and not only did she make him take his shoes off, but she washed his feet as well ! It's a bit much dontcha think ?

Food: What do you mean, no more black pudding?

AIBU: My youngest DS spends his whole time playing in the fields when he should be minding the sheep etc. Harp jammin', slingshot 'practising'. Total waste of time. Shouldn't he be doing something more productive towards his future?

AIBU: to think Jezebel is a right whore?

Relationships: I feel soo frustrated maybe my HRT dose is too high DH doesn't understand my needs and spends the whole time poing over plans of pyramids. I thought this young foreign chap that works in our house really fancied me, but he's turned me down flat. WWYD? Mrs.P

Money: Given the current financial climate, shall I just take my shekels and bury them in the ground?

Relationships: have just found out that my husband is watching other women bathe.WWYD?

Q:How do you know there will be no MNetters in heaven?
A: Because 'when the seal on the scroll was opened there was silence in heaven for an hour'

Allergies: My ds is coeliac. We are at a gathering and someone who claims he is the Messiah is providing bread and fish for everyone to eat? Do you think it will be safe for my ds, bearing in mind it's miraculous food? Please reply asap, am on my iphone and reception is very good here...

skip the bread and just have the fish

AIBU: DH went to the top of a mountain and came down with a load of engraved stone tablets. I can't even read. Surely he could have brought a nice sofa for the family?

AIBU: my sister just sits around at the feet of some weird bloke looking dreamy while I do all the housework! Is she a lazy bint or what?

Should I report the woman fishing a baby out of the river to social services?

Is my dad going senile? He has a dream about 7 fat cows and 7 thin cows and is using it to formulate policy to govern our country!