Biblical Mumsnet

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

TheVirginMary: AIBU to think that dh could have at least booked a hotel?

Relationships: DH is coveting our neighbours DW, should I LTB or wait for God to smite him?

Good Housekeeping: Feck! How do I get rid of a plague of locusts?

[AdesteFiderer]

AIBU: I'm sick of going to weddings with DB. Every time the same, the booze runs out and he ponces about in a cloak claiming he can turn water into wine Us brothers don't get a look in with the girls after that

[GrimmaTheNome]

Childbirth: Look, its not my fault Eve ate that sodding apple, get me some pain relief!

[AdesteFiderer]

Step-parenting: My dss keeps wandering off. His mum sent him to the market for some Fruits of the Shoot and he was gone for hours. Whole neighbourhood out searching. We finally found him in a temple whinging on to some deaf old gits and he claimed it was his father's house

I've looked after him since his mother was pg with said invisible father. Also, AIBU to be upset?

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

AIBU to be pissed off ? DH and I were just leaving our home town - admittedly it's been a bit dodgy recently and going down hill fast - anyway DH said he'd had a strong message that it was time we left so we packed our bags and set off ... but I'm still fond of the old place - in spite of everything we made some good memories there ... anyway on the road out of town I just turned round to have one last look at the place and I was turned into this pillar of salt. WIBU ? and WWYD ?

[MuffinPaws]

Christmas - my uncle Methuselah is 76 and comes round to ours every year. PITA. Tell me this is not going to happen for much longer?

[GreenyEyes]

SiteStuff

Are we having a Passover Name Change competition at all?

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

Is it too early to lay down my palm leaves?

[SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo]

AIBU: My son was born on the same day as this other woman in my village yet the day is been named after him and its all about him. So what if he can turn water to wine! The mother wears Huggs and has permanent scribblings on her arm

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

Dh has this harebrained idea that he can lead us out of egypt, aibu to think that the pharoahs will never allow it, esp with these plagues!

[GreenyEyes]

Dreadful stealth boast I know, but my pfb really is the Son Of God

[GreenyEyes]

Babynames:

I shouldn't really laugh but there's a child in my Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's school called George pmsl

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

george? What's with this trend for modern names with odd pronunciations?

[GrimmaTheNome]

Gardening: one of my fig trees has suddenly withered. I've been told that someone who wanted to scrump some fruit cursed it, but as it's not even fruiting season that seems an unlikely explanation. What could be the cause please?

[GrimmaTheNome]

Legal matters: someone has driven my herd of swine over a cliff. How do I go about claiming compensation?

[AdesteFiderer]

My Uncle Paul has always been a right cocky know-it-all. Mum said she didn't ever want to hear any more about his latest Zealot commendations and travels to oh-so-posh-and-exotic cities.

Now he's sent word (scrawled on some forrin leaf by a minion) that he's had some accident on the road to Damascus of all places, had a vision (drunk no doubt) he can't see (no Specsavers ? )and we're to hasten there.

We don't even know if he had "Not your fault Plague/Pestilence/Rabid Donkey/Deity Trouble" cover.

WWYD?

[GrimmaTheNome]

Sorry, I thought your uncle was called Saul, is he a namechanger?

[joanbyers]

I've got my mooncup in. Am I ritually unclean? Do I need to make any burnt offerings?

[AdesteFiderer]

Grimma he is, the bastard. My aunt was always suspicious when dancing girls kept calling out to him.

[ScumbagCollegeDropout]

Haha these are brilliant! Classics anyone?

[EcoLady]

I've been working hard all week. I made light, earth, fishes, animals, even a model of myself. Now I'm pooped. AIBU to just want a day off?

[GrimmaTheNome]

EcoLady - love your name in that context!

[SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo]

The people I created are been dicks. AIBU to send some locusts to them? Any other suggestions welcome

[AdesteFiderer]

I am My mate Mary has a friend, drug-dealer I reckon. This poor bloke, Lazzie, was off his head on something drizzled on his olive leaf and passed out.

Then along comes Mary's mate, Jezzer, and slips him some upper/reviver and lo, Lazzie is fine, gets up and shins up a palm tree. Everyone is shouting "Yay, Lazarus, yay Jesus" but I have an uneasy feeling about it. WWYD?

[AdesteFiderer]

One more nosy bastard complains about the donkey, sheep and the 3 foreign gentlemen I keep in my garden shed and I'll call BiblicalAnimalTourismWatch.

And there is NOTHING wrong with my manger either.