Bev was waiting patiently in the red shed of Kinkery Fuckery weird shit, reflecting on the L-O-N-G drawn out process of waiting for Bernard to come back from his twice daily Greggs Sausage Roll runs, and as her Inner Goddess (who had developed a voice like Rusty Lee) yawned at the tediousness of it all, she couldn't help wonder why he'd picked her? She also concluded that she needed to buy Lipsil, her lip was bloody killing her from all that pseudo suggestive biting. Either that or ask one of her blagging blogger mates to hook her up a sponsorship with a chapstick company.
She ran to her closet and removed the nylon Primarni she was wearing as she heard Bernard back earlier than usual. "Shit! she thought, they must have been out of Sausage rolls", as her backside throbbed with the knowledge of his hand being primed and ready. She felt the wetness in her cheap cotton Bucket Knickers, and rolled her eyes. Or maybe she bit her lip. Either or. Her Inner Goddess winked and laughed as she rustled up a hearty Jerk Chicken.
Imagine her surprise when it was Boris, Bernard's foppish Tory loving brother on one of his bloody bikes, standing in the doorway, catching her bent over in readiness for Bernard's hand on her sex.
"Phwaor, erm, Crickey and cripes" said Boris "Bit of jiggery pokery eh, what ho!" Boris was not possessed of the good looks of his slim hipped buy royally fucked up bro and quite frankly apart from the Tory thing, Bev found his normality pretty boring. I mean, why have vanilla when you can be beaten and taken hard by a slim hipped, chiseled jawed man with more issues than the Greek Economy? Not to mention his ginger love ladder.
Just then Bernard appeared sweaty and with his trousers barely staying at hip height as he had removed his belt ready for fun in the shed.
He sneered at his brother and asked why he was at the house, and Boris simply flipped his foppish hair, mounting his bike with difficulty and rode off into the distance. Bernard saw her then, waiting so patiently, and ripping the Pom Bears from his pocket, he could barely contain his red hot pulsing desire.
To eat his sausage roll whilst watching Gardeners World.