Bernard met Beverly.
"Hello Beverly" said Bernard.
"Hello Bernard" said Beverly.
All Beverly's clothes fell off. Bernard smacked Beverly on the bottom and put his winkie into her woo woo.
"Ooooh, ahhhh, mmmmm, thank you Bernard" Said Beverly. "That was very nice. Can we try fisting tomorrow?"
"Maybe" Said Bernard mysteriously.
Bernard went back home to await the plumber who was due at about half past four to sort out the problems with Bernard's toilet, although Bernard was pretty sure it was caused by his poor diet, he thought he'd get it checked anyway.
Beverly went back to her home and thought about all the fun she would get up to with Bernard in the future chapters, and to comb the dried semen from her hair.
Next chapter please...
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50 Shades of Mumsnet. A collaborative book.
473 replies
TiggyD · 29/06/2012 21:05
OP posts:
JackieandJudy ·
04/07/2012 08:14
Morning all - note I omit the "good" element of that particular salutation - and I blame MN entirely , since I barely managed three hours of sleep.
You know when you have one of those dreams when you don't realise you've fallen asleep? Well, I had one of those all about looking for my unread copy of 50 Shades of Shite Grey. It was a really realistic dream where I was fumblng about in my bedroom (looking for the book, damn you, not doing anything more exciting). Having found it (in the very realistic dream) I got back into bed and switched the bedside light on (still dreaming, but thinking I was awake). The bedside light, however, wouldn't work so I nipped into the ensuite, thinking I'd have a quick flick through in there - but couldn't find the light switch.
After a lot of fumbling (looking for the light switch, naturally), the frustration of not finding it woke me - and I was so irritated by my futile dream search that I went in search of the book for real. 
And then spent about two hours of potential sleeping time reading the crappy thing and waiting for it to improve. Which it didn't. Holy crap - I've read more erotic articles in the Financial Times.
Am knackered. There is one thing I'm glad I learnt though - I have a nervous habit of biting my lip. I also have an important meeting on Friday. I will be vigilant.
JackieandJudy ·
04/07/2012 08:16
Ooh, SGB are you the author of linked book? I am tempted to invest, purely for comparison purposes you know? 
solidgoldbrass ·
04/07/2012 12:05
J&J: I'm one of the co-editors 
It's a collection of short stories by different authors so I always say that at least one of them will do the trick
NunOnTheRun ·
04/07/2012 12:19
NunOnTheRun ·
04/07/2012 21:32
"Professor Ellis Cashmore, expert in Culture at Staffordshire University, predicts a spike in the number of newborns in Britain next year as a result of the book, which has been dubbed 'mummy porn'.
He said: 'With the millions of copies it has sold - it makes complete sense to assume that in nine months time we are going see a baby boom..." Bites lip> 
picnicbasketcase ·
04/07/2012 21:50
Yes, because everyone knows babies are made by discovering a sudden urge for your partner to smack your bottom
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JackieandJudy ·
05/07/2012 17:05
Yes Plump, and sexy er dedicated and talented tennis players. Like, maybe, um (pretends to have to think hard to find an example) Tsonga?
Or do I just speak for myself re the tennis players?!
NunOnTheRun ·
05/07/2012 19:46
"I want you to tie me down for 18 months and treat me like dirt," she said. The man from Vodafone got the contract out... "#IrishShadesOfGrey @ Mollydoggerson
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