Mumsnet County … name a place, street, shop or service

[WhirlyByrd]

Your challenge is to suggest names for the places, streets and shops that would make up the County of Mumsnet.

The city would be called Forum. Its suburbs: Boden (designer, very expensive), Hunbury Hills (flashy and a bit TOWIE), Cleek (gated community).

The knitting circle can meet every Wednesday afternoon in the village hall to produce more Woolly Hugs.

And MN Royalty can live in the Big House.

Well if nobody can think of a job for me, I'm just going to roam around MN County, torturing small animals and shitting in everyone elses gardens!

surely you live in the window of the junk shop?

btw - it's pedants' corner

I would like to volunteer border patrol with Hully. I have my own weaponry.

Stratton's Batton?

Oops, yes, so it is . That's to nickel BTW

btw - it's pedants' corner

Oh the irony.

Can I set up the lingerie shop where you can all come and get fitted for your brassieres. Service with a scowl guaranteed.

Just out of interest, nickel, does one just hang around in pendants' corner?

Well if nobody can think of a job for me, I'm just going to roam around MN County, torturing small animals and shitting in everyone elses gardens!

Bit drastic, isn't it? Once always I was picked last for games at school, never once did I shit in someone's garden except Lucy Baker but the bitch should have picked me

The local court room is presided over by Judge E. Pants

I have been nominated by me to oversee and test every bottle the wine shop. I need 2 volunteers to help me.

I shall have a lovely red rug in the entrance of the shop

Sarah and hully are my border patrol deputies then. I shall sit in my office eating donuts and assigning codes for crimes which we can relay over the radio.

tries to think of something clever to illustrate my point but fails

also fails at strike through

Am I going to have to resign already? Sigh.

So just to be clear, on the high street we've got:

Waitrose
Cunting Sainsbury
Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop
Boden & Mini Boden
We saw you Coming Pedlars
Naice Ham Butchers
The 'One Haircut only' Booble Plate Hairdresser
Thread about a Thread Haberdashery
A small Farrow and Ball paint concession (could possibly be in Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop)
Fruit and Veg shop called 'Cutted Up Pear'
Toyshop called The Sock Puppet Shop
Linen shop - The Spreadsheet
Gaslighting - electrical lighting store
Off the Beaten Track Travel Agents
The Center Parcs Bum Sex Shop
A private members 'only if you are on benefits' shop selling 56"Plasma TV's, XBoxes, Caravans and upright swimming pools, situated on the Entitled Estate rather than the main high street

We also have the PFB Baby and Toddler Group
4 Pubs: Terry Wogans Cock, The Turning Tavern, The Wolef Pack and Nobodie Inn
The Flamin' Fanjo sexual health clinic run by Ms Vagine
The 'Knives, Forks, Spoons' restaurant
'Leave the Bastard & Sons' Solicitors
The Peter Andre's Love for His Kids - Dads centre running courses
The Cube of Poo Art Gallery
The Post Office - X Post
Various Business' in the Business Park including: AIBU & CO, SAHM Limited
The Arf Comedy Club
Schools including the 'Inclusive yet Selective Academy', 'Gifted and Talented Grammar' as well as a beautiful leafy private primary where pupils where blazers and boaters. There is also a state school (don't be put off by the electric barb wire fence) in a fabulously urban location next to the local crack den.
The Mouldies Rubbish Dump (sadly no recycling available yet)

Geographically & Historically speaking there is much to be enjoyed including:

The River of Sweetcorn
The Trip Trap Troll Bridge
The Far Side of Fuck Island (for the more intrepid visitor)
Won't Somebody Think of the Kids Goat Farm
The magnificent gold Pom Bear statue in the town square
MN Towers

Residential Areas include:

Lady Gardens (famous for beautifully cultivated gardens although there are still a few wild and free ones dotted about)
The Quiche on the Hill gated development modeled on the award winning St Georges Hill in Weybridge
Fanjo Mews
Indignant Close
Lurkers Corner (best avoided after dark)

Plenty of P&T parking spaces & all overseen by the good Mayor Judgy Pants

Someone needs to write the blurb for the British Tourist Board Website.

where the jeff is my bookshop?!!!!

nickel babe books

And my lingerie establishment?

Waitrose
Cunting Sainsbury
Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop
Boden & Mini Boden
We saw you Coming Pedlars
Naice Ham Butchers
The 'One Haircut only' Booble Plate Hairdresser
Thread about a Thread Haberdashery
A small Farrow and Ball paint concession (could possibly be in Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop)
Fruit and Veg shop called 'Cutted Up Pear'
Toyshop called The Sock Puppet Shop
Linen shop - The Spreadsheet
Gaslighting - electrical lighting store
Off the Beaten Track Travel Agents
The Center Parcs Bum Sex Shop
A private members 'only if you are on benefits' shop selling 56"Plasma TV's, XBoxes, Caravans and upright swimming pools, situated on the Entitled Estate rather than the main high street
nickel babe books
MardyBra lingerie

Yes, yes I know.

Cut
Paste
Add

Tis the only way.

And then we can get organised on maps and planning

Are we having an election for a mayoress?

Maybe we can declare independence and have our own house of uncommoners?

my bookshop was mentioned by more than just me, early on in the thread, Jaded :)

Surely we would have a Mooncup Museum?

Menstrual keepers through the Ages Exhibition, with practical workshops on folding techniques and What To Do in a Public Loo