Mumsnet County … name a place, street, shop or service

[WhirlyByrd]

Your challenge is to suggest names for the places, streets and shops that would make up the County of Mumsnet.

The city would be called Forum. Its suburbs: Boden (designer, very expensive), Hunbury Hills (flashy and a bit TOWIE), Cleek (gated community).

A hairdressers called Booble Plate.

And a quiche shop.

Could the Bridge over the River of Sweetcorn have a Troll Booth please?

T'would make me vair happy.

Ocado would deliver to all in the "cutted up pear" van driven by Jesus.

AIBU Alley. A highly dangerous and twisting concourse complete with flamethrowers, randomly activated biscuit catapults, wine "jumps", a series of "gavels" thrown by residents and entry permissable only by writing in whole words and sentences. Users are provided with hard-hats and there is gallery viewing for lurkers.

They will be a truck stop just out of town where all the hairy handed truckers can meet.

The courthouse would also have to be very big to deal with all the cases that are put to the MN Jury. Following on from that, the gavel shop - called, of course, '' - would do a roaring trade.

Marriage Guidance Counselling will be run by AnyFucker, obviously. Little do we know that she is taking bungs from the solictors, Leave, The & Bastard.

Residents should be provided with a copy of The Rules. It would have to be digital of course, since no-one should be expected to carry half their bodyweight.

The pubs should be called The Nobdie Inn and The Turning Tavern

There would have to be a quiche shop too, selling a very wide variety of quiches, some of which can only be accessed by going down the shop's side alley - it's a bit off the beaten track.

There are Wolefs in the Zoo.

Minnie

A haberdashers called 'Thread about a Thread'

There is a crossing place over the river. It is called SWMNBN Ford.

Can I be the first person to say, 'Betcha this makes the roundup'?

should that be the name of the Bookies?

Roundup is the name of the freebie local paper.

Love the haberdashers Kurri

I think the gated community would actually be called Le Quiche on the Hill

Peter Andre would run local courses for dads called 'Lovin' Your Kids Like Pete'

There would be a gift shop called Pebbly Shite

A lovely, local gynaecolagist would do home visits. Her name would be Ms Vagine.

The main square would be called Four by Four Square with yellow lines all around it where only 4x4 vehicles would be allowed to park.
The council estate would be called Debtford and the town apartments would be Yuppy Landings.
The Shopping Maul would be where the local youths meet to fight socialise.
This thread could run for weeks. Yay!

Ms Vagine would work from the 'Flamin' Fanjo' clinic Jaded

There's a private school with a lake and its own fencing salle. And a state school with a car park and its own crack den.

There must be a goat farm.

Can somebody come up with a suitable name for the goat farm?

And a campsite called Bell-End Tenting

Holiday resort = Little Twunting By Sea

Could the goat farm be called 'Won't somebody think of the kids?'

Or "Get-Me-Goat" ?