Mumsnet County … name a place, street, shop or service

[WhirlyByrd]

Your challenge is to suggest names for the places, streets and shops that would make up the County of Mumsnet.

The city would be called Forum. Its suburbs: Boden (designer, very expensive), Hunbury Hills (flashy and a bit TOWIE), Cleek (gated community).

Parking at Cunting Sainsburys/Waitrose is very, very strictly policed. There are 20 disabled spots (closest), then 20 parent-and-child spots. Anyone without a disability or a child has to park at least a mile away.

Non-compliance is punishable with universal cats'-bum-mouths from the entire population.

There is another shop, proprietor Marc Skids, that on one side only sells loo brushes. On the other, it only sells j-cloths, bleach and rubber glove combo packs.

Never the twain shall meet...

No no, there is ONLY P&T parking. Cunting Sainsrose is round, so every space is exactly the same distance from it. There are only two aisles: Naice Ham and Free Grapes vs Froot Shoots and Sausage Rolls (a Greggs concession).

Public transport is run by Crealy Love Buses. All buses are orange and feature klaxons instead of horns.

And the hairdressers can obviously only do one haircut.

Buppers has to run the cupcakery
And we need a scarf shop.
And I shall run a little Olde World Market barrow selling...wait for it... Pot Noodles to go

What will I do? :(

Well Mortimer will have to have a role as Mayor or official mascot or something, so you can be his PA not helpful am I?
errm, erm, trails off pathetically

Yeah, that'll do nicely, nothing too taxing.

You can have a blackberry and Organise Things, thus sparing everyone else from ever organising anything ever again

Urgh no.

Ummmm a lifetime supply of naice biscuits and a clip board so you can give the appearance of Organising Things without actually having to?

And the town hall clock will be stuck permanently at .

And a huge statue of Pombear in the middle of the Town Square. Made of solid gold or possibly Solid Gold Brass

We need a stationers, pens, paper and of course the clipboard!

the toy shop could be 'the sock puppet shop'

and there would have to be a duck pond

Bedlinen shop called The Spreadsheet, naturally.

A get together in the Village Hall every Friday night for ...

Sorry, lowering the tone.

A Jubilee shop called 'Bupcakes and Cunting'
A farm called 'Get Orf Moi Land'
A corner of the zoo devoted to lonesome animals with a 'Stranded Bear'
A town council meeting hall where all the final decisions are made called 'Show of Hands'
A construction firm called 'Sue Purbly Built'
A soft play centre called 'Chaos'
A rehab centre called 'Valium Redhead'
A watchmakers 'Tik Tok'
A toyshop 'Squeaky Toy'
A primary school 'Math Anxiety/Cant Spel'

The Town Hall shall run AIBU. Citizens will be invited to attend hearings where people may ask if they are being reasonable or not. Citizens will be able to vote YABU or YANBU.

Random interjections, biscuit throwing, tangential discussions and clarification of negligible details encouraged.

I'm not clever enough to think of owt, but would just like to say good thread. It's made me

< was trying to work in something ref and judges>

Clubs for swingers and so forth: "TGI Friday Night"

Streetnames:

Cuntworm Cottages
Vagine Villas
Trollery Towers