You know you have a toddler when...

[Psammead]

You have to stop in the street when you see a bus for a quiet but rousing verse of 'The Wheels on the Bus'.

You accidentely bash the cat over the head, and then watch it for a few fretful seconds to see if it will burst into tears.

You have to resist the urge to clap and congratulate others on mundane achievements such as eating up all their din-dins.

You say din-dins.

You refer to yourself in the third person. This is the preserve of toddler-parents and psychopaths. This may or may not be a coincidence.

You decide that you prefer the skirting board coloured-in.

Every other thing you say starts with 'Gently...'

Glad it's not just mine who is obsessed with rubbish trucks! Nice thread.

YY to Amazon recommendations making you look like a tractor obsessive!

Your most overused words are "gently" and "nicely".

You're totally unfazed by walking along saying "You're Kwazi in the Gup B? Come on then, Kwazi! Oh, now you're Bob, OK. Oh, now you're Scoop? Oh, you're the Gruffalo and Mummy's the mouse? Oh, now Mummy's the Gruffalo and you're the mouse, right!" etc etc, much to the amusement of passers by.

Oh, x-posted with EightiesChick

Also, there is always a selection of small, discarded, odd socks in any room in the house.

Any piece of paper left around long enough will be covered with enthusiastic scribble representing Cyril the Squirrel.

What did I DO before baby wipes. I dropped sauce from my sandwich down my top at work the other day and automatically reached for a wipe. A tissue does not have the same cleaning power!

Slugs not too long ago I had a conversation with my DS about the fact that Penguins do like Cheerios but they don't like milk on them and Penguin would rather eat them dry.

Sitting at the dinner table with one leg under the table and one poised sideways ready to get up to fetch dishcloth, spoon instead of fork, another bib, pick food up off the floor etc, etc... I always find myself sitting, poised to leave the table at any minute......

There are 3 drying cloths and two kitchen towels on the go 'cos the DCs are using any number of them to play 'ghosts' or wrap them round dolls, teddies etc...

aWimbaWay. at the book prices! They can't all be typos on Amazon, I suppose, but you can get it on a buy-it-now on eBay for 99p!

Oh, and the most overused phrase in this house??? 'Careful now.....'

It is perfectly reasonable to stand on the pavement and watch a random stranger get their whole supermarket delivery, whilst your toddler does a running commentary on events. This was me just now.

...along with 'did you flush the toilet and wash your hands?' While muttering under your breath ...'every f#@king time....I swear to God'...

@josie81

You feel unbridled joy at the sight of a tractor in real life, even when it is blocking the road and making you late for an important meeting.

Or indeed you feel heartcrushing disappointment when you see a digger, actually DIGGING and your toddler is NOT with you.

On the subject of diggers: Your Youtube favourites list is entirely populated with diggers and trucks and cranes at work for those emergency moments when the bottom lip wobbles and the eyes scrunch up...

So true Olivia!

I also cried (I'm pregnant) when we were on holiday and there was an emergency services demonstration at the beach (think helicopters, speed boats, the works). DH had taken DS down for a closer look as we couldn't get the pushchair over the pebbles plus I needed to sit down. I was bawling imagining the look of joy I was missing out on as I knew DS would be loving it

So true Olivia!

I also cried (I'm pregnant) when we were on holiday and there was an emergency services demonstration at the beach (think helicopters, speed boats, the works). DH had taken DS down for a closer look as we couldn't get the pushchair over the pebbles plus I needed to sit down. I was bawling imagining the look of joy I was missing out on as I knew DS would be loving it

This must be the funniest thread on MN am still laughing. Unfortunately I can't add to it (yet) as my dd still only 7 months - oh how I am looking forward to the toddler years! :o

you are constantly amazed by how someone so small can be so strong and so goddam fast

You find yourself doing a running commentary on every single thing you do all day (in the third person of course). eg. "Mummy's just going to go into the kitchen - okay you come too - yes Mummy needs to unload the dishwasher - yes you can help, yes Mummy's going for a wee wee, oh yes do come with me and help me with the loo roll" etc etc ALL DAY LONG (a bit like the wheels on the bus).

You find wee and poo in the potty the ultimate in excitement.

You very much look forward to bedtime, only to find yourself missing them about an hour later.

You sometimes think to yourself: "the days are long but the months/years are short". It does just fly by - mine is just 2 but it feels like moment since she way tiny!

Oh, and you complete a half an hour car journey (without toddler) and realise when someone else gets into the car that you have, in fact, been listening to the nursery rhyme CDs for the entire journey. And singing along to them.

mrsKwazii...Yes to Sid.....but Mr Maker could come a close second....

yes to all of that. I'm having to wean myself off describing myself in the third person....
great thread thank you all!

You cheer each time an emergancy services veircal goes past - all the better if the lights and sirens are going - whilst totally accepting that everyone in the area now thinks you are a horrible, sadistic individual. But who cares - lights and sirens, man!

You cry "Oh! Sneezies!" in a loud and melodramatic way when anyone you know er, sneezes.

When your DH messages you at work to tell you that Mummy Rabbit is pregnant!

You open your notebook during a work meeting to reveal an endless number of Lau Lau drawings covering up your action points...