Overheard in a change room yesterday

[Jacksmania]

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

speaking to one of "the ladies" at nursery while collecting my son. she told me he had stood up at lunch and told everyone "mummy and daddy were making lots of loud noises last night" we were arguing over who was going to switch the light off honest!!

he also took a pine cone to a south african at my work and said really loudly and slowly " PINE CONE can you say that" D the south african speaks english, and luckily saw the funny side

My aunt and her first husband split up because 'the marriage wasn't constipated' according to my aunt's cousin. (First Husband couldn't get it up).

Not over eard but me;

In the bank once the cashier asked me for my mothers maiden name... I did not know what this meant (is was around 18) so i replied with:

"she is a customer service assistant"

Cue roars of laughter...

heard sorry!

Overheard in soft play centre, two mums sat in ball pit "well I had to stop doing monkey music because of my fanny farts at instrument time"

And my 3 yo dd in swimming pool changing rooms "that boy has got a willy like daddy's. But it's not as nice as daddy's and I wouldn't touch it because I don't know him do I mummy?"

(expecting visit from social services any day now)

I am howling ... poor Keith and also at the round of applause for the pooing Mum

Shopping on Saturday with dd 2.2 who is only just talking really (Gawd, I've got years of this to come haven't I?)

The woman in front of us was wearing one of those all in one jumpsuit type oufits - very floral and floaty.

DD pipes up "pretty lady" - everyone is like"Aww, how cute!"
Followed very quickly by "pyjamas!" clear.as.a.bell.

We left in a rush !

Another one overheard last year. I live in the town where we have "Goth weekend" - so hundreds of Goths walking around the streets etc. One Mum with her ds aged around 4 walking along. He's literally shouting "Oh look, there's another one Mum!" and pointing them out. His Mum loked like she wanted the ground to open

"My daughter (7) informed her father that when she is an adult her breasts will get bigger and then hang down..."

This reminds me of when DH and I were first together and I had read cosmo. I confidently told him that when aroused a ladies breasts get 10 times bigger..

I meant 10%

(after numerous children and years of breastfeeding they are 2inches and 3 sizes bigger) Not quite ten times..

I feel so sorry for Keith :o

Ah but poor Keith has been a rock in my relationship; any hint of an argument with DP in a public place can be stopped in a heartbeat with the simple phrase "No bananas for you Keith".

in supermarket, persuade 3 yr old into trolley seat by telling him it's thomas the tank engine and he's the driver. Push trolley round supermarket backwards iyswim.

In fruit aisle

'look, there's the fat controller'

rest of supermarket visit punctuated by cries of 'there he is!' 'hello fat controller!'

Do we think it involved a trip to A&E? Or am I the only one with a dirty mind

DH takes DD into the mens loo's for a wee. Whilst they are in the cubicle, a man comes into the one next door - for a poo....(and loudly goes about his business).

DD pipes up (very loudly) "What's that noise?"

Followed by "Ewwww, what's that stinky smell?"

DH dreads trips to the loo now - bless his delicate disposition.......

BIL with DNephew in changing rooms;
Dnephew: "Look, Daddy, that man has a much bigger willy than you!"

I am loving this. Have heard so many, but why can't I think of them and share...

I am the Mummy who is always saying "Don't open that lock, no one wants to see Mummy with no trousers on". It especially happens in those end loos where the door opens outwards - easy to get DD in with you (no squeezing round the loo/sani bin), but no option to swiftly kick foot against door when she's gone for the lock.

Also get a running commentary on toileting.

Have also been asked what's in my pants (period).

Don't you just love three year olds...

We were at my nephews holy communion doing the dutiful family bit, it had been going on a bit and was during a solemn/quiet moment when my just 2yo Ds declared "COME ON geezer" loudly, and in a rather exasperated tone, of course my nephew who was at the front got the giggles knowing it was Ds (he had been taught it as a joke and said it all the time for a while). I then gave him a little pot of rice krispies to keep him quiet, obviously he dropped them and announced "oh no, my cereal...." very loudly. Finally, just to top it off he was studying the child illustrated communion programme and announced with great glee "look mummy its your wine". Vicar/priest was most disapproving.

Last weekend, market trader doing the flirty thing with a mummy and her primary age son as they buy some socks - says to the little boy, are these for you or your sister? (Meaning his mum of course) Little boy says 'she's my mummy, don't be silly' market trader keeps it up, 'she's far too young to be a mummy' Little boy (very loudly) 'no, she's forty now.'

picking up on 'leave not making eye contact with people in the queue" theme, anyone showering in the next cubicle along from me, DS and DD at Summer festival/Christian camp event would have heard a panic-stricken shriek, "no, don't TOUCH that silver thing!!".. you can guess! The lock worked oh too easily, the door swung outwards and the entire queue (both female and male possibly including our vicar) were treated to a vision of me to in all my lurching-towards-the-door glory...
Slunk out ages later hoping I'd not be recognised fully clothed

ROFL at chipmonkey's poor BIL!

This has made me laugh out loud, thanks so much I really needed a good giggle.

Particularly love the mum who had a round of applause for her poo

Wish I could think of my own to add but mind has gone blank

Next toilet cubical to me, little girl to her mum VERY LOUDLY 'your poo is taking a long time to come out. Has it got stuck inside your bottom? Sometime when I need to do a poo at school, it gets stuck and I miss my break so I only do half of it and save the other half for when I get home'.

Standing behind an old and rather smelly lady in the supermarket line:

DS -- I smell pee. Did you have an accident, mommy?
Me -- Would you like a packet of Skittles, DS?

Two bus-related ones: -

My mum took DS on a bus, just as a downpour was starting. He said "I'm glad we're on the bus now gran. Your nipples were going to get soaking wet".

On another bus with DS, "Look mummy, that baby's head is not as big as one of your boobies".

Not a funny one, but made my blood boil so much I almost lynched the Guy much to my own DDs embarrassement

We've just got back from a small camping festival, with communal bonfire - over the weekend the kids were enjoying toasting marshmallows & generally just been mini pyromaniacs poking sticks into it & throwing small twigs onto it - not left alone as such, but allowed a bit of freedom & of an age where they are sensible enough

Anyway - long story short - on walking over to check on DD I over hear the Firemarshall (whose job was to keep the fire going if no-one else was, but wasn't really making much effort, bar being a moany old git & complaining at others who were ) - pipe up at a boy of about 9, who wasn't his & he didn't know - "whats the matter with you, I've told you not to do that several times, little moron, are you F'ing Stupid or something"

He did apologise the the by - after I'd wiped the floor with him

He did apologise to the boy - doh

andthisisme - that sounds like an excellent way to diffuse any argument! Will have to try it on DH... pmsl.