Overheard in a change room yesterday

[Jacksmania]

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

Doctor: so have you had any other serious illnesses?
Friend: I've had cancer
Doctor: Where was your cancer?
Friend: In Dublin

Was walking behind two mid-fifties respectable men in a shopping centre.

man1: i'm you know, bi...
Man2: Bisexual?
Man1: No, bipolar.

My rather posh granny stated in a loud voice to my mum over Sunday lunch one day that "Sylvia from down the road keeps Grandpa supplied with tarts."

No Sylvia wasn't a madam running a brothel but she was a 68 year old with rather prolific baking habit and a widow too with no husband to appreciate her tarts. Granny couldn't bake any edible cake or biscuit to save her life.

We children almost pissed ourselves laughing and got a right telling off, plus were sent outside to calm down or we'd get no pudding.

Overheard a mother say to her five-ish year old
" It's not innit, it's ain't it"

Overheard in the baby room in John Lewis - " These dummies are really good, they're orthopedic!"

DD1 (nearly 3) is very into sounds and will question what every sounds is. Public toilets are the worse..

Mummy whats that noise? Is it a lady weeing?
Yes
Shes doing a very big wee mummy. Oh I hear a plop.. is she doing a poo?

Gerald had probably gone for a pint (and a banana) with Keith.

Just yesterday at work, discussing a colleague who is poorly in hospital:

Me: Have they any idea what's wrong with her yet?
Friend: No, but she's having one of those thingys tomorrow.
Me: ????
Friend: Oh, what is it called? An autopsy! That's it!

I sincerely hope not

DD1 changing for swimming with her cousin, both about 6 years old. Cousin dancing around saying , "look at my willy". DD1 says, "I think you'll find it's called a penis, and girls have a VINEGAR" [hsmile] (thanks MN for the Harry Potter smileys [hgrin] )

DH when he was a child, apparently in bus queue behind woman in huge fur coat (it was the late 70s) turns to his mum to ask, "why is the gorilla getting on the bus?"

2 dozy mares in the kiosk queue in Sainsburys by a stand of DVDs, dozy mare 1 says how she liked Groundhog Day, and asked the other who the guy was in it. DM2 looks at the DVD stand (DVDs partially hidden by each other) and says, "you must know, it was Bill Murr". DM1 nods sagely, "yeah, Bill Murr, he's really good...)

in the middle of buying poncey cheese at Waitrose.

DH: what do you want for lunch, DD?
DD: can we go to MacDonalds, Daddy? Can we pleeeeeeeease?
DH: OK, I s'pose...
DD: can we go to the magic window, Daddy, Can we pleeeeeeeease?
DH:
me: (light dawning) she means drive-thru

All ponce-cred instantly lost as the cheese counter guy corpses.

DD to me in the toilet cubicle in Sainsburys.
'Have you finished Mummy, are you going to bend over and wipe your bottom'

My mums New neighbours have some 'colourful' language and last week a boy shut his dad out of the house and this followed:

dad: Open this fucking door
son: No!
dad: Do as you're told you little cunt
son: Say please...
dad: No!
son: Do as you're told you big cunt

and a week before that, hanging out mums washing and a different neighbour comes to do the same, we started chatting about the new family and she mentions she doesn't know any of the kids names. Her 3 year old son says 'I know the little boys name. He's called cunt, his daddy said it'

I still don't know any of there names :(

NOt sure if anyone overheard this but my as teenagers my friend and I were discussing skincare. She declared that she had a 'greasy G spot'! She meant T-zone!

Slowshow - you might be right actually - wouldn't swear to it, but is certainly possible.

Have just shown that pic to DD who is now ROFL!

My daughter (7) informed her father that when she is an adult her breasts will get bigger and then hang down...

My friend's dh: "yeah, and when you get bitten by a snake you have to find an anecdote really quickly or you die"

Overheard on the escalator the other day

"You know, the fit one out of Only Fools And Horses"

My DD in church one Easter as the vicar is proclaiming Jesus rose at Easter to forever be with us: 'Jesus is alive??? He must be really old...' cue sniggering from me and a couple of others.

The vicar goes on to explain how he received his 'calling' from christ and a minute later someone's phone rings and DD asks loudly 'is that Jesus calling that man ?' :o

Overheard on a train a few weeks ago ' I don't want to sit on Daddies lap ' said about 7-8 times increasingly louder until he says 'well, what's so different about mummies lap then?' and the little boy replies ' mummies lap is big and fat and squashy!'

the mum just sighed and said 'come on then...'

Overheard on the bus many moons ago:

Teenage girl 1: When Im old I hope i end up senile

Teenage girl 2: Why?

Teenage girl 1: Well, they always look really happy and like they're having a great timei think it would be great.

Teenage girl 2: Yeah you're right, that would be ace!

yrs ago getting off the train as a group of woman came on we just overheard this one woman going '' and i thought god what a stupid place to put a lamppost!!'' yrs we've wondered where this lamppost was ..

Swimming changing rooms, again

DS, then around 3, loudly states 'that man's willy is much smaller than yours, daddy'. DH finds a cubicle promptly.

My mum, delivering a talk at church, means to say the group is like a living organism. Yes, you guessed it. It's a living orgasm. Sniggers from me and various other teenagers and everyone else bless her.

School playground a few years ago...

"Chelsea, how many times do I have to tell you? STOP FUCKING SWEARING!"