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Original poster

Overheard in a change room yesterday

381 replies

Jacksmania · 08/07/2011 17:57

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was Grin and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jacksmania · 12/07/2011 03:32

I was just thinking - I wonder if poor Keith has a heart condition and that's why he's not allowed bananas (they contain a lot of potassium and are contraindicated in some heart conditions) and his wife just had a very twattish way of reminding him?

Keith will never know how many MNers pity him are thinking of him! :o

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/07/2011 06:24

This thread is brilliant! My son doesn't speak much yet (he's 2.1) but I am taking notes on how to leave changing rooms/loos/communal showers with no dignity!

Halbwahrheiten · 12/07/2011 07:16

superjoberspecs that could quite possibly have been me... Blush

chociceandchips · 12/07/2011 07:20

poor keith and poor gerald...

was pushing ds on the swings and he was shouting "you are very good at swinging mummy aren't you, better than daddy?" and i was agreeing with him when a man swinging his dd leant over and said "been 'aving a few neighbours over for a party love?" Shock

shanghaied · 12/07/2011 07:29

DD (4) upon entering a church where we were attending a friend's wedding : oh look Mummy, there's a big statue of a magicien up there !
It was actually the saint after which the church was named in long flowing robes.

chociceandchips · 12/07/2011 07:49

:) shanghied

that reminds me of being at a catholic wedding and the priest had a large embroidered P on the back of his robe. waiting for the bride, and people murmuring quietly to one another,a small boy asked his father in the piercing loud voice small boys have, "what is the P for on his back" there was a pause, whilst we all and the small boy waited, and the father said " it stands for his name" small boy: what is his name? father: Paul, I expect, then gaining confidence "all priests can have their initials of their names on their back":)

crazycanuck · 12/07/2011 08:04

I used to work in a bookshop, and one day a teenager and her mum came up to my till and the girl says to me "Excuse me, do you have 'The Female Unch"? I looked perplexed for a bit (the female unch ?) and then asked her "Do you mean the book by Germaine Greer, 'The Female Eunuch'?" The girl glares at me in a very condescending manner and sniffs "Yes, I am looking for 'The Female Unch' by Germaine Greer. I tell her "The Female Eunuch is upstairs in the Feminism section, and she and her mum take off before I have a chance to come around and show them where.

5 minutes later they come back downstairs again and go to another till, where they say to my colleague "We were told you have 'The Female Unch' but we can't find it anywhere!" Hmm

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 12/07/2011 08:42

I dunno about 'poor Gerald'; I'm imagining him as rather a caddish type, with his pastel cashmere sweater slung over his shoulders. I think note-writing lady may have had a lucky escape.

I do feel for bananaless Keith though. Very Abigail's Party, that one.

jbcbj · 12/07/2011 09:47

these have really made me laugh...much appreciated.

i have my own (dd is only 2.3 so not so many from her yet...); i was about 5, my mother was pg and i aasked loudly in the greengrocers how the baby got there. hoping to distract me she told me she'd explain later. i didn't forget easily as a child so on the way home i reminded her, so she launched into a biological explanation (you couldn't fob me off either...). at which point i gave her a gimlet stare before screeching with laughter and saying "well, i've never seen Daddy do that!"

skorpion · 12/07/2011 10:16

In a tent at an Italiant campsite we were treated to a drawn out attempt by two locals to seduce two Polish girls (am Polish so also got the full commentary by one of them to the other whose English wasn't that good). At one point one of the Italian hunks said: 'I'm told I kiss like Zeus'

unclefest · 12/07/2011 10:16

overheard by someone I know on Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow:
Mum to DS: 'Don't say fuckin dinnae, say fucking DON'T!'

PatsyPlusOne · 12/07/2011 10:33

Not in the same league as some of the other posts, but this one made me giggle at the time.

Standing in the queue for a bus, overheard v cute blonde curly haired 3 year old boy throwing tantrum " But Mummy I don't want to go on a FLAT BUS I want to go on the DICKER DECKER BUS"

Since then we've always called them Dicker Decker buses in our house.

Loving this thread by the way.

LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore · 12/07/2011 10:41

We were leaving the beach for lunch yesterday when 2 little boys passed with thei mum, one of them says:

"So where do they make all the sand then?"

Cracked up with SIL - 'tis quite a good question though!

soundofherwings · 12/07/2011 10:43

I my local hardware shop last summer, overheard an old man asking (very clearly and loudly since the shop owner was on the phone) for slug propellant. I really hope he meant repellant. I had to leave as I was turning purple trying not to laugh.

Cheerfulcharlie · 12/07/2011 10:57

Years ago my dad took me and his friend's son to McDonalds. In front of us in the queue was a black guy
My dad's friend's son (about 7yo) said in a very loud voice: ' hey, I bet that man drinks A LOT of black coffee'

IamtheSnorkMaiden · 12/07/2011 11:02

Add me to the list of painful toilet cubicle conversations.

#1
Daughter: Mummy are you having a poo? Can I wipe your bum?
Me: NO.

#2
Son: Mummy can I see your boobies? Can I feel them?
Me: NO.

#3
Me: Have you finished, darling? There are lots of people waiting.
Son: I just need to do five more poos, but they don't want to come out of my bottom.

*
Mother in law to my husband: I like your new FUCK bag. (It was FCUK).

Mother in law to husband and brother in law, watching TOTP: I like this bonking music.

Mother in law to me, (sat at the table watching Coronation Street as we ate our food, only the second or third time I'd ever visited the house): That Des Barnes is such a wanker isn't he? (Pause) What's a wanker anyway?

IamtheSnorkMaiden · 12/07/2011 11:08

Oh and I almost forgot...

Husband and I were going out to the pub one evening. Husband wearing a Dead Kennedys 'Too Drunk To Fuck' badge. Mother in law peers at it and says 'What's that say on your badge? "To Derek, a pig"?'

IamtheSnorkMaiden · 12/07/2011 11:29

On a holiday in the Isles of Scilly ten years ago, visiting Tresco Abbey Gardens, we saw a group of about four Brownies, obviously playing hide and seek and as we passed we heard them saying:

Brownie 1: Have you found so-and-so yet?
Brownie 2: No, what does she look like?
Brownie 3: She's got long brown hair tied in a pony tail.
Brownie 4: Yeah, and she's got a weird face.
Brownie 2: Right. Weird face.

And off they went to look for the weird-faced girl.

hophophippidtyhop · 12/07/2011 11:48

At work we sell a range of bracelets called Chamellia, a woman came into the shop recently and asked for a chlamydia bracelet...

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 12/07/2011 11:49

Overheard in the school playground at my dc's' school:
"Whatchoo doin today then x?"
"Jeremy Kaaaoooo, sofa, junk food!"
Made me giggle on my way to work.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 12/07/2011 11:53

Not an overheard, but reported by my mum from her teaching days. A boy was reading out a report in assembly about his dog, and got stuck on the breed name. Mum in the audience helpfully provided:
"It's a Vinamara Jamie!"

RiverJordan · 12/07/2011 11:57

I'd taken DS to the cinema. During the film a group of 12 year old girls thought it would be hillarious to chuck popcorn and sweets at the other people in the room (of which there were about 6 of us, a couple of the front, a dad and his son a few rows in front of them and DS and I opposite - it wasn't a popular film lol). Anyway one harribo thing hit me and I thought rather than make a scene I'd just ignore it and carry on watching the movie. Then one hit DS and he said to me "can I chuck it back?" quite loudly.

Anyway - fast forward to the end of the movie I was in the bog cubicle and these girls were pampering themselves in the mirror and re-telling their hillarious sweet chucking antics. One said "Oh I threw a cola bottle at a lady and she just ignored it and didn't even move! it was hilarious!" (que much giggling!) then another one said "oh yeah I know who you mean, cos I chucked some strawberry lips at her son and he asked her if he could chuck it back!! I swear that kid was so adorable!"

At this point I walked out of the cubicle, over to the sinks and said "thanks! he is adorable isn't he!" with a big smile. They were clearly mortified and looked at each other in a "shit, what do we do?" kind of way Grin

YellowingWallpaper · 12/07/2011 11:59

My sister and her family joined us on a trip to the zoo recently.

We walked past the Lemurs and she said;

"Oh look children, Le Murs".

I said, "what?" and she repeated herself until I saw what she was reading was in fact LEMURS.

We continue to say Le Murs in a French accent just to wind her up.

RiverJordan · 12/07/2011 12:07

I just thought of another one. In the changing rooms at asda. A little boy and his grandma.

boy: "Oh look! a woodlouse!"
grandma: "oh Harry!! hehehehehe it's woodLICE, not woodlouse!"
boy: "no, one on it's own is a woodlouse!"
grandma: "Oh Harry, you are funny!"

Hmm
StayingNearlyHeadlessNicksGirl · 12/07/2011 12:12

When my mum was expecting me, she had to go into hospital for external cephalic version, because I was persistanly breech. She was about 8 months pregnant at the time, and dad was outside the cubicle listening to the following conversation as the student nurse admitted mum:

Nurse: What religion are you?

Mum (who is atheist): None.

Nurse: Is that spelled NUN??

Dad - collapses in fits of giggles.