Overheard in a change room yesterday

[Jacksmania]

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

Chablis, I get the nappy comment, too, usually in a really, really busy toilet.

My Dad was in a cubicle in a public toilet and overheard a chap who walked into the toilets singing a little ditty to himself...

Dum de dum diddly dee - I think I need to have a wee...
Dum de dum diddly dit - I've changed my mind I need a shit

Brilliant example of overloud, competitive parenting and child hot housing all at the same time at Bristol Zoo last half term.
Two yummy mummies, both with approx 10 month olds in buggies; we followed them from the tills and caught up with them en route around the zoo.

"Sophia, I've solved the great Meercat mystery"
"Oh, well done to you Goergie, "O" is for Oscar, would have been devestated if we hadn't found them" (The O was pronounced phonetically)
""L" is for Lilly is exactly the same, she instantly recognised them from the pictures".

Whenever she does a poo she grunts incredibly loudly, full on sound effects, the works. This is my fault because when she was being potty trained, I exaggerated her normal "pooing in nappy" face with some extra dramatic sounds to try and encourage her to poo. Now she thinks that is what you are supposed to do.

Whatever you do, don't let her take up tennis.

I was in a shopping centre toilet once with my son, when he was about 2. This happened:

Son: "My willy's bigger than daddy's"
Me: "Yes, it probably is"

Son: "Daddy's willy looks like my little finger"
Me: "Ok. Are you done now?"

Son: "Actually. I know exactly what daddy's willy looks like. It looks like a COW'S UDDER!"

DD always talks at the top of her voice. We were getting changed for swimming and she'd already been at school that day.
She asked me if I'd seen a boys willy. I said yes.
She said was it a hula hoop or a banana? I said I didn't understand the question.
She proceeded to list the boys in her class who had hula hoops and the boys with bananas.
I worked out that some were circumsised and some weren't.
As we were leaving the cubicle to get into the water, she shouted out, is daddy a hula hoop or a banana?
One mum,who had clearly heard all this, just asked 'well?'

Sitting on a table next to a couple in a restaurant. The man was a bit of a knob being quite condescending to the lady with him. Eventually he said, "Well I think we should agree to disagree. I mean....we're at completely opposite ends of the speculum"...

I felt like leaning over and saying "I sincerely hope so sir..."

i actually cried laughing at granny escaping from her cage there that is so so funny!!

I was standing next to a man holding his baby son, it was a really sweet tender moment they were having and then the man stroked his son's cheek and said really lovingly

Ah, you're a cheeky wee cunt

I was in front of a harrassed-looking mum in a supermarket who had 2 daughters with her, maybe 7 and 9-ish.

The girls were talking about sex, and how it happened. They'd obviously just learned. The mum was trying to shush them. Then the older girl had a lightbulb moment and said to her mum, "UUUURRGGGGHHHH! Did you have to do that with dad?!"

The mum said "Well...I didn't have to..."

That's when I started openly laughing.

"uuuurgh, I don't want to play with girls. they are gross. they have PEEERIODS!!"

ds1's first day at school, headmaster greeting new boys and parents at door.
'Good morning, how are we today?'
'mummy's got her period'

Oh I'm really, properly LOL'ing at these!

Especially poor, banana-less Keith, and the pooing yellow dress girl on page one...

My favourite overheard conversation, between an old woman and her middle-aged daughter in the supermarket:

Mother: Get me those dishcloths there. How many are in the packet?
Daughter: Three
Mother: Lovely, those will see me through to the end.
Daughter: For Christ's sake, mother!

Just remembered...

Was in a jewellery shop with my friend - she wanted a ring repaired.

Assistant was jotting down the details and asked "Is it Tanzanite?"

Mishearing him, and thinking he'd said "Is it town tonight?" and slightly thrown by why he'd be enquiring after her social life, she replied "Er, well no, I'll probably just stay in..."

Cue assistant looking at her like this , and her looking back at him like this , each wondering what the hell each other was on about...

Woman chatting up my Mum's friend who was a keen birdwatcher asked him if he'd ever seen a dodo.....

Ds1 (6) recently announced loudly that he'd worked out the difference between men and women. Cue me think oh no, don't want to start having that chat now as I'll never hear the end of it. But I do ask 'and what's that?'.

Turns out the difference is eyebrows - well actually eyelashes we then established - apparently all girl characters have eyelashes whereas boys don't.

Was better than a recent trip round the supermarket with ds2 (3) who was contained riding in the trolley suddenly announced 'look mummy I've found my willy!' and when I looked, he had indeed not only found it but was wingling it around out of the top of his nappy for all to see. Luckily we were in the boys clothes dept at the time so just snoggers from the other mums around who were thinking thank goodness that's not happening to me!

I did tell him to put it away obviously at which he protested as 'it feels nice mummy' but he did put it away with a little help from me. But then every few minutes as soon as I stepped away to pick something up he'd announce 'look mummy I found my willy again' and ne so pleased with himself at which point I'd have to quickly hustle it away. Felt like one of the longest shopping trips I've ever had...

In the swimming pool cubicle: Mummy, you're not going in the pool are you?
Me: yes
DS: but you can't
Me: why not?
DS: because if you get in, then all the water will come out and splash everyone on the side!
Me:

My ds1 on the bus one day. We were stuck in traffic & sat at the back of the bus. "mummy I like this, it's making my willy bigger." Naturally the bus was quiet when he said that.
Another time on the bus he pointed out a man with acne & said "oh look at that manes spotty face " "shush" "no mummy, look does he have chicken pox"
My dd when ds1 was born. I was changing his nappy. "mummy, ds has a tail" Bless!
DH has taken ds1 swimming. In the changing room ds1 said to DH "oh wow daddy, your willy is huge!"

I'm up to ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch Sun 10-Jul-11 23:21:35 and now have to stop reading as I am on my lunch at work and will start getting odd looks

Overheard from the loo cubicle next to mine on a UK campsite this summer.

Mum: Oh! Virginia!! What is THAT on your leg??
Virginia (aged about 3): Don't worry Mummy it is just a bite from a ant.
Mum: An ant bit you on your leg?
Virginia: Yes Mummy. It was a ant. A ant from Thailand.

DH was in the toilet cubicle with DD just when she'd started toilet training. He obviously helped her on to the loo and held on to her whilst she wee'd. Nothing was said. DH went for a wee. DD said very loudly "Daddy, do you want me to hold you while you have a wee ?". Cue lots of giggling from outside

Also took her to Tate Modern last year. Sat outside having an ice cream before going in and a middle aged bloke walks past, head to toe in black leather biker gear, bald as coot with just a patch of hair over either ear dyed scarlet and gelled into completely upright triangles. She just pointed and shrieked with laughter.

Naturally we ended up virtually following him round the entire bloody gallery and she still talks about 'Mr Pointy Head' a year later.

DumSpiroSpero - I think that was Simon Price

www.guardian.co.uk/media/mediamonkeyblog/2008/sep/30/independentonsunday.pressandpublishing

Bit different to the others on here but my jaw dropped.
In a shop 2 women talking. "I don't see why our kids should get a day off school just because two toffs are getting married."

I'm with them, glamour!