Overheard in a change room yesterday

[Jacksmania]

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

At a pub quiz, up comes the immortal question:

"What is the collective term for a group of beavers?"

Cue a mystified woman in her 60's piping up:

"Why is everyone laughing?"

'Twas my mum !

When I worked in a restaurant aged about 16, I served an elderly lady a peice of cheesecake - as I was leaving the table I heard her telling her grandchildren that the fruit on the top was a Syphalis! I didn't have the heart to correct her!

My friend and I arrived at my DM's house to pick up my DS, 3. I said "say hello, DS". He said to my friend: "I had a stingy willy but my mum put cream on it and it's all better now, Spiderman shoots webs from his hands and swings on them". My friend just said hi :o

Standing in the post office waiting to pick sweets on a Friday, my DS turns around and says loudly, 'Mom, why is that girl brown?'

I turn round to meet with her very stern mothers face, I looked down to see the girl and could not think of what to say, I was dumbstruck.

The mother directly said to my son, 'It's because her dad is foreign!'

I floundered, 'yes, yes, now what sweets do you want?'

Never felt so embarrassed, the best thing about it was, the girl was in his school, a year below him in reception. He has got to have seen her before. He had also been to a very multicultural nursery. Needless to say, we made a hasty retreat from the shop and that woman gave me horrible looks for the next 5 years.[hblush]

melika - that sems a bizarre response on both sides. I would have just said (in an audible voice), "because her dad must have dark skin" or something. He was only asking. The other mum was odd for taking offense too. It's so easy to explain.

Reminds me of when I was on a tube train with my dd aged about 3 years. In a loud voice, she said to a West Indian sitting next to her 'what colour is your willy?' For a moment I froze, but then relaxed as he burst into laughter, as did several passengers sitting near us. My dd just looked round with a very puzzled face, but she never did get an answer.

I was in a toilet block in a Barmouth campsite last year with DD1 (6) and DD2 (4), Thinking we were alone we have a conversation about sand when suddenly somebody lets rip really loudly.

Me: "My god! Who was that?!"
DD1: "Not me mummy!"
DD2: "Or me!"
Lady few cubicles down: "It was Me!"

DDs fell about laughing and i was and sneaked out quietly!

How could I forget my Dad's cracker!
Late 1984, Dad had been away in Ireland on business for quite a while and had come back with quite a strong Irish accent; I should say he was brought up by his Irish Grandmother so it is second nature to him.
Mum had been on at him to sort out the ceiling for ages, so he went to a DIY store to buy some Artex. Cue Dad asking an employee where he could find the Semtex!! The poor employee stood lookin quite frightened and unsure until Mum piped up "I think you mean Artex dear!". Bearing in mind this was only a week or so after the Brighton bombing and coming up for the 1 year anniversary of the Harrod's bombing, it is a wonder he wasn't bundled into a black van to assist with enquiries!!

I was at a bar in a French speaking country. When the waiter brought our drinks, I asked for a straw (in French). He looked puzzled so I mimed putting a straw in my mouth, but he looked confused so I gave up.

It was only when I asked in the next bar what the word is for "straw" that it dawned on me that I had got muddled up with a word I had read in a "talk dirty in French" book: I had asked for a c*ck, and mimed putting one in my mouth no wonder the waiter had been so

When I was 14 my mum asked me to wait in the queue in a Glasgow shopping centre to take my 5 year old brother into see Santa as she had to run off to get something.

So 15 minutes later we get in and my brother gets on Santa's knee whilst I stood at the side watching...

Santa: Hello little boy, have you been good and what would you like for christmas
Brother: Well I would like a skateboard, a Playstation 2 and a vibrator
Santa: (trying not to piss himself) erm that's nice, I'll see what I can do
Brother: thanks and make sure it's a vibrator with snake

At which point it dawned on mee he meant my Nokia phone that vibrated when you played snake! :o

We still have the picture with my brother sitting there and the elves and Santa desperately holding back a howl of laughter... he is now 16 and to this day finds it hysterical and my mum later admitted that she knew he was going to ask for it but could'nt bare the embarrassment!

In a cubicle

DC 'Mum I can see the wee coming out of your willy'

Me 'I haven't got a willy, I'm a girl'

DC 'Well I can see the wee coming out of it'

I haven't got a willy - honest!

:-) Mamadivazback - how evil is your mum?!

Melika my ds did that to me the other day - don't think the mum took offence though - he is a child after all! I did have to elaborate later on her explanation 'that's the way she was cooked' though!

On a visit to see my Nan when heavily pregnant with my first, Nan invited her elderly neighbours over for tea and baby chat.

Neighbour: "Do you know what you're having? Very clever these scans. We never knew what we were having. I had an MRI scan a while back, because of the headaches. The doctor said I had thousands of maggots in my brain."

Me: Long pause, thinking hard... "Oh, I think you mean magnets. That's how the MRI scan works."

Neighbour: "Oh I see, I thought the doctor was very relaxed about it."

When my DD2 was four and on the big chair at the dentists , out of the blue she asked the poor woman, who was about to examine her teeth, "Have you put on a little weight?" .

Also, many moons ago, my Granny's friend's little boy, who was obviously undergoing a delighted phase of self discovery, asked the greengrocer, in front of a waiting queue, "Have you got a penis?" Apparantly he was friendly and jolly and agreed that he had indeed.

lieins I genuinely could not think straight, I had got a baby in buggy and shop was very busy. I think I apologised to her but she was daggers at me. The girl was half asian, mom white.

Kids really put you on the spot, don't they!

DD aged 3 points to balding man on bus sitting across the aisle, who has one of those particularly unfortunate monk's hairstyles (hair all around the sides, very bald and shiny on top) and screeches at the top of her voice:'
"Mamma, why is that man's head growing out of the top of his haaaaaair?"

DD aged 3 leafing through her Mr. Greedy book whilst in Post Office cue- "reading" out loud as line of old dears watch in appreciation:
"My- and that is is the MOST DELICIOUS Cu-unt Cake ever"!
Smiles from old dears evaporated very fast.

When my mum was pregnant with my brother the midwife asked me if I wanted a brother or a sister, I told her I wanted a bike

My sister once told me a story about a little girl who chewed her fingernails and her mum tried to put her off by saying that eating them would make you fat. Soon after they got on the bus where she sat for a while staring at a heavily pregnant woman before pointing at the lady's bump and shouting in a disapproving manner 'I know what you've been doing to get that...'

keysinthefridge - good job you didn't know the french for "I want to suck it" then, isn't it?!

5GoMad - when I showed ds1 my 12 week scan photo of ds2, he was convinced that it was a cat and couldn't be persuaded for months that I didn't have a kitten growing in my tummy .

Thumbs, problem is, she pretty much mimed that bit, didn't she?

well LadyClarice, I don't know - she said she mimed putting it in her mouth, she didn't mention the sucking bit but yes, I spose she would have! Poor French waiter bloke