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Original poster

Overheard in a change room yesterday

381 replies

Jacksmania · 08/07/2011 17:57

A mum telling her daughter that the style of dress she was trying on was called "UMPIRE waist".

I'm sorry, I know I'm a total caaaahhhh, but I was Grin and and covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

What have you overheard (not necessarily in a change room) that made you :o?

OP posts:
Lexilicious · 12/07/2011 20:19

Le Murs reminds me - my dad must have started when I was very young because I don't remember it, but for most of my childhood anywhere there was a certain sign I was convinced that there was a northern hemisphere version of kangaroos somewhere in the area which was out of bounds.

The word on the sign was dangerous. Dang-er-ooos, you see? Probably why I never trusted my dad's pronunciation advice in later years.

Sleepingonthebus · 12/07/2011 20:36

Mine all seem to be bus-related Confused

Anyway, my friend and her mum were getting a bus into town, just after bus conductors had been axed.

The mum said to the driver "1 and a child to town please"

The driver indicated the new coin slot machine to her and said "In there, love".

She bent down and said into the machine "1 and a child to town please"

excitedLJ · 12/07/2011 21:00

I have literally cried reading this!

'Rehearsal' dinner the night before my wedding a couple of seats down from me and my dad says to my bridesmaid - 'what are you having?', to which she replies 'oh, I'm having dick', quick as ever my dad says ' I'm sure you are but what are you having for dinner?'. She has never lived this down, there is no such thing as duck on any menu when we're together and my dad still refers to her as 'the dick one' when we discuss the wedding!!

shuffleballchange · 12/07/2011 21:00

DS1 was about three, in a toilet cubicle " Mummy, why are you putting that fruit stick up your bottom", it was a tampax - yet another red faced mum in a public loo!!

MirandaGoshawk · 12/07/2011 21:20

I love the pixies in the camera. So that's how cameras work!

LittleJennyRobyn · 12/07/2011 21:24

In the pound shop quite close to christmas, Young couple out shopping with thier baby boy.
He'd seen a babys santa outfit and was quite keen to buy it for the baby.
He asks, "I wonder how much that is?"
She replies, "It's the pound shop"
He says, "Yes i know but i wonder how much they want for this"
She again replies " it's the pound shop"
He says " But theres no price on it, why dont they put a price on things?"
She replies again " Because it's the pound shop"

Still not getting it the young is guy starting to get annoyed.

She then puts him out of his misery and declares "it's the pound shop...everythings a pound!!!!"
She turned to me seeing me Grin and gave me a look like this Hmm

He was very Blush when the penny finally dropped

pinkhyena · 12/07/2011 21:24

Last week I was walking in town and went past a girl in her 20's and her (I assume MIL); the girl suddenly said very loudly "Shut up, shut up!! I'll talk about your sons penis!!"

I work in a pre-school and get some real gems from the kids who are all 4-5 years old. A few months after I had DS one of the girls asked "Are you having another baby?" me "No." little girl "Then why is your tummy still really big?" cheers kid.

manicmummyonadietcokebreak · 12/07/2011 21:31

Things I've learnt today, do not take dc swimming and keep up my pelvic floor excersizes so can avoid public loo's on trips out [hgrin]

Patiencedeficit · 12/07/2011 21:44

In quiet public loo cubicle (long queue outside) with DD when she says 'Mummy, why do you have a willy?' Shock

I do not have a willy.

bringinghomethebacon · 12/07/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thederkinsdame · 12/07/2011 21:48

I was in a shop a while back where two ladies of a certain age, dressed very conservatively in twinsets, pleated skirts and sensible shoes were huffing and puffing as they moved boxes of stock around. One said to the other:
'Oooh Enid, I'm really looking forward to that cup of tea, we've been humping all day' Grin

Haudyerwheesht · 12/07/2011 21:51

Just remembered a recent one.

Ds saw a man with blue hair and pointed and shrieked in a very sanctimonious tone 'does his mummy know he's done that?!'

Poor man looked mortified. I said 'erm yes'

Ds: well (shakes head) humph (obviously stuck for what to say) I think that's naughty.

Lots of old ladies nod approvingly. 2 minutes pass.

Ds: I will dye my hair red and blue when I'm big. Not just blue, that's silly.

amy175 · 12/07/2011 22:36

I saw this one in one of those chat/take a break type mags but it has stuck with me. A small child and mum were out ina the street when a man with loads of tattoos walked past. The child said in a loud voice " i bet his mum will be mad and take his felt tips away now".

amy175 · 12/07/2011 22:37

my niece was out shopping with her mum when a rather portly man in golf trousers walked past. my niece who was 4 shouted loudly "look humpty dumpty".

Mymymble · 12/07/2011 22:51

Me going to the public loo at a country market in Sussex. Woman in the next "stall" (only two). "Oh, is that you, Miranda, peeing like a horse? I've been looking for you everywhere!" Me: "No, I'm afriad not." Was one of the few times I've not hung around to wash my hands....

lazarusb · 12/07/2011 22:53

Round at PILs one evening, watching a comedian do a routine about oral sex on tv (I have no idea how this happened)...MIL pipes up "What's a clitoris? Never heard of it". Dh looked like he was going to pass out, FIL was red as a beetroot, I nearly wet myself laughing Grin

Original poster
Jacksmania · 12/07/2011 22:56

shuffleball, DS did that to me a few months ago. In a public loo, everyone outside the cubicle was treated to DS asking me, "Mummy, why do you have a string..."

Blush
OP posts:
smokinaces · 12/07/2011 22:58

Not so much what a child says.....

Was at a party in a hall Friday night. Went to the toilet, went in cubicle. Was weeing when next cubicle became free and someone went in. Cue sounds of grunting and straining very loudly - which I immediately recognised as DS1 aged 5. (didnt realise he'd followed me in) I hissed very loudly over the partition - "DS1, is that you, be quiet" to which he replied "Yes Mummy, Wipe my bum I'm ready" - I walked out the toilet to find him bent over singing, bum in the air with poo still attached in front of everyone else in the toilets!

He's nearly 5 and fully toilet trained, honest!!!

Original poster
Jacksmania · 12/07/2011 23:03

Oh god, and how could I have forgotten this one...
Overheard two young blokes talking, and one of them was desperately bollocksing up a dirty joke.

Young Bloke 1: "What did one tampon say to the other?"
Young Bloke 2: "I dunno..."
YB 1: "Nothing, they were both stuck in a pair of c-nts... wait, that's not right... they were both stuck up a pair of... nah, wait... they were both..." and so on, it was excruciating, for both YB2 who looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up because his friend was obviously being much cruder than he was comfortable with, and everyone else listening - there were a lot of AngryShockAngryShock faces.

Someone finally spoke up and told YB 1 to wash his mouth out with soap -- they disappeared rather quickly after that :o

You couldn't make it up...

OP posts:
Ringosbaby · 12/07/2011 23:04

In a swimming pool changing cubicle I overheard a small boy saying "Look Daddy I can make my winky stand up and cry"
Daddy- "Yes but we don't do that here"
Boy- "Daddy your winky is really big. It doesn't stand up though"
Daddy- "Shhhh. Now. Please. Just stop speaking."

It was my DS and DH.

I was snorting for a long while afterwards. Grin

begonyabampot · 12/07/2011 23:35

2 Old lady stall holders at the Barras market in Glasgow.

1st Old Lady - 'Jeanie, look at this (old lady is reading the Sunday Sport) - you'll never credit it! This woman has just given birth to a litter of pups (I peep over their shoulder and there is a badly doctored photo of a woman having given birth to about 8 pups).'

2nd Old Lady - 'Isa, that's bloody amazing, dear God!'

Me - snorting noisily in the background.

Eaglebird · 13/07/2011 00:04

Elderly lady to DS: How old are you?
DS: 3 and a half.

DS: What number are you?
Elderly lady: 82.
DS: Ooh that's a big number, isn't it Mammy?

BathildaSaggshot · 13/07/2011 00:24

I took DS into the toilets in our towns posh department store. He was 3 or so, and went into the cubicle alone. He was in there for ages. I was getting impatient, and there was an ever increasing queue of elderly twinsetted ladies waiting to answer the call. So... I said "Come on James, what are you doing in there?"....And the answer?..."A really big poo, Mummy!"
Needless to say, we made a sharp exit! Confused

Original poster
Jacksmania · 13/07/2011 03:29

Has anyone noticed that A LOT of these are about small children and poo? :o

OP posts:
SoloAgainItSeems · 13/07/2011 03:56

The other day I kept telling 4yo Dd to change her knickers, put clean knickers on Dd...
We left the house and just as I was locking the porch door, she says at the top of her voice Mummy! you didn't change my knickers!!!

Today, I'm walking along with my Mum and my Dd in town when Dd says something about a wet dream Blush. I say, Dd you mustn't talk about things like that, so she again repeats what I was saying on the phone to a very good friend about my Ds needing to wear pants in bed in case he starts getting wet dreams Shock...I of course have to try to turn it into a possible bed wetting scenario for Dd (imagine her taking that one into nursery tomorrow!

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