Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
CBear6 · 26/05/2011 20:46

"You are not a dog, please get up off your hands and knees. And stop barking" - to DS (21mo) when walking on his reins.

"The dog can bark well enough on his own, you don't need to bark too!" - my parents' dog started barking at another dog while we were walking him and DS decided that it needed some back-up.

"DS ... DS!!! No! You need to take the bread out of the packet, you can't just chuck the whole bag in the pond ... ... you know that bread is for the ducks, right?" I think he ate more than they did.

"That lady did not want to give you a horsey ride, she was just tying her shoe and it was very naughty of you to jump on her back and make clip-clop noises".

"You can't eat that until Mama pays for it ... No, don't put it back on the shelf half-chewed".

"Please don't empty the tins cupboard into the bin and especially don't applaud yourself, it's not a good thing".

"There isn't a baby in Daddy's tummy".

onestepforward · 26/05/2011 20:47

Not something I said but one of my favourite moments none the less... dd (2ish) put something from her finger in xdh's mouth whilst eating lunch... xdh - 'what was that darling?' dd - 'booger' Grin

mummy2aisha · 26/05/2011 21:02

you tube pepper pig loads of epsoids on there this thread is great so funny

blimey · 26/05/2011 21:08

don't hit mummy with a cricket bat
don't bite mummy
don't poke mummy in the eye
let go of my nipple before you pull away

from battered mummy of enthusiastic 2 year old

NOmeansNO · 26/05/2011 21:15

your skin is not paper, stop drawing on it.

said by dd"i have a peep peep in my fandangle".. me "no you dont".. ds "yes i do look.. a really tiny one where my pee comes out"... i had to think.. and agree there was a similarity.

while i am busy giving DD a rollicking the whole time she repeats "i love you mummy".. over. and over, and over. then she gets a rollocking for not being quiet while she gets a rollocking. then she gets put on the naughty step where she sings and happily swings her legs gleefully.

"dont lick snails"

"put the dog down before you drop it"

dont stick you fingers in wrapping paper rolls as monster live in them... and they bite"

"noooooo... if you look inside to see them you will go blind"

"JUST STOP TOUCHING THE WRAPPING PAPER ROLLS"

"its illegal to have a dog as we dont have a garden. ask your dad. he has a garden Blush"

hippychick66 · 26/05/2011 21:16

"Let's all keep our willies to ourselves!" About 5 minutes ago!

ps. yes I am female Grin

whomovedmychocolate · 26/05/2011 21:20

ROFL @ "That lady did not want to give you a horsey ride, she was just tying her shoe and it was very naughty of you to jump on her back and make clip-clop noises".

CBear6 · 26/05/2011 21:29

He does it to his cousin too, she's five months younger than him and about half his size. He waits for her to fall over (and isn't above giving her a helping shove), as soon as she's down he straddles her back and starts making clip-clop sounds complete with bouncing. Basically any unprotected back is a potential horsey.

JeremyKylesPetProject · 26/05/2011 21:32

My 2 year old dd "rode" her 7 month old cousin. He was ok. He's a little toughie. :o

whackamole · 26/05/2011 21:43

Just remembered OH to DTS2 the other day:

'Get your finger out of your bumhole!'

LiliesandVeuve · 26/05/2011 21:51

Get your head out of the toilet

Wurzelrubbish · 26/05/2011 21:54

This evening to DS

"No you can't sleep with the Wiggles...because DD is sleeping with them tonight thats why." Hmm

colditz · 26/05/2011 21:55

"Please don't use your winky as a stylus for the Ds."
"please take your winky out of your sandwich. No it isn't another sausage, it's a winky and wee comes out of it."
"Stop having poo competitions, you horrible children. New house rule - everyone must flush after their own poo."

MovingAndScared · 26/05/2011 21:57

my friend to her DS - don't climb in the tumble dryer
to MY DS - don't closes the door when someone is in there

PacificDogwood · 26/05/2011 22:00

"Stop pulling your brother's willie"

"Take your foot off your (baby) brother's head" Shock

"No, poo does not come out of your willie"

"Yes, playing with your willie feels nice, but please only play with your own one" - recurring admonishment when DSs 1-4 are all in the bath together Grin

Phatastic thread, thank you!

FourFish · 26/05/2011 22:19

Pirate ho ha and fred are being very well behaved DD1 - can you sit nicely like them?

Ho ha and Fred are DD1s immaginary friends and this was said on a packed bus! Did get me a seat tho as people moved away from the mad woman

Mercedes519 · 26/05/2011 22:19

Penguins don't like milk on their cheerios.

That was a long morning and it was only about 7am...

blueeyedmonster · 26/05/2011 22:24

No I don't want to see your bumhole

No the garden isn't for weeing the toilet is

Put your winkie in your pants

Vern wants you to eat all your food, show him how you eat nicely (vern is a toy car)

stoppingat3 · 26/05/2011 22:29

no your auntie does not have a baby in her tummy
no these are not pretty lines and they are your fault they are there.
no your itchy bit is not an acceptable show and tell (DD1 - 4)
what the hell is going on in here (DS1 - 12) after evening of "huh huh ahhh huh"
I don't care if it does hurt I will NOT kiss it better (DS2 after enlarging his boys bits)
No its a new toilet cleaner - red not green ...............
Daddy is nearly shorter than you but yes his wee wee is bigger than yours (giant DS1)
Do not sit on that cat - I don't care if it feels nice (DD1)
Put it away
Seriously it will fall off, look at mummy (said in desperation to DS's)
No Grandma does not want to see how big it gets!

am so so pleased I have boys in the family Hmm

Liv77 · 26/05/2011 22:32

"The cat does not need a haircut"

And said to 2yo DS trying to poke my nipples,
*Pleeease stop trying to press them, they are not buttons and they are not magic"
I have The Wiggles to thank for that one.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 26/05/2011 22:38

"DS don't pull your willy"
"it's not a big jobby"
"don't eat your bogies"
"stop throwing things over the fence/out the window"
"you don't put pencils in the toilet"
"the dog doesn't want to eat your bogie"
"DS,no you don't sit on my head to pump" Hmm

thats just from the last day!!!

lemonmousse · 26/05/2011 22:38

"DON'T drop your lolly in your sister's sick bucket......NO! DON'T put it in your mou......ARGH"

Cue another child laid up with sickness bug.....

weebump · 26/05/2011 22:44

"Bare bum OFF the table, thank you"

"Hands out of your bum"

Hmm, yes, mainly bum-related it would seem!

microserf · 26/05/2011 22:46

things i thought i would never say:

"but mummy doesn't WANT you to look at mummy's poos.... OK, at least let mummy finish making poos before you look"

"stop licking your shoes! give them to mummy if you won't stop licking them!"

"OK, OK, mummy take the stickers off, mummy take the stickers off." i never thought my dd would find a box of pantyliners and think they were "stickers"...

bigscarymum · 26/05/2011 22:50

"No darling, mummy does not have a beard in her bottom"