Please remove your book from my knickers DS

[TheSkiingGardener]

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

"STOP PUNCHING THE TORTOISE"

Shouted to DS from the kitchen window.

'No DS2, your sister does not want to see where your poo comes out'

'DD, please stand up and walk. No, you are not a puppy. No, don't lie on the floor, in the puddle. No, you are not a wet puppy.'

stop poking the dogs willy

its ok,dont cry, you dont have to have a lolly

no thanks, I really dont want to look in your bum

"Please don't feed bogeys to your brother, I know he's smiling, he is 5 months old he doesnt know what they are"

"Nanny does not want to see you doing THAT to your winky"

"Get down from there" said at least 5 times a day"

"We don't take our clothes off on the park"

"Get that out of your mouth"

Say hi to auntie on the phone. No, don't lick the phone. Hi Auntie! (DS 14 months)

Oh my word, these are fantastic. I was feeling a bit down, but have just cried real tears of laughter. Thank-you Ladies!

"Please don't draw on your baby sister's bum with that bingo dabber."
"Stop licking the toilet seat"
"Don't call each other Count Turdula"
"Can you stop putting your willy through the hole in the DVDs please?"

I had to try to explain to work why I couldn't speak for laughing earlier. Unfortunately I then had to explain why DS's book was in my knickers. Non-parents just don't seem to get that bit.

MarkingHerPlaceToComeBackAndReadTiggaxx

these are brilliant!

I am amazed by how many times I have to say 'just because there is a hole you don't need to put your finger in it' but the one that always sticks in my memory is 'please don't put your hammer in your poo' (it was a toy hammer when I was trying to change DS's nappy).

Most days though its just various forms of 'yes thats what willys do', 'yes if you leave it alone, it will get smaller again', 'please stop trying to stand in your potty', and 'please stop eating your bogies/wiping your nose on my clothes'.

I never imagined motherhood to be quite so repetitive!!

Am loving this thread :o

Well done for going for a poo on the toilet...no I don't need to see...it may be huge but...blimey that is big, please flush it away before you block the toilet!!!

How did you manage to pee on your clothes (said to a nude 3wk old DS who's clothes were above his head!!)

Where is aunties phone...why is it in the toilet...but the phone doesn't need to be flushed away

I know that the dog will clean your pooey pants but I'd much rather you rinsed them & put them in the washing basket

I know girls get 2 boobies & boys only have 1 willy, yes life isn't fair

Yes, T, you have a lot of lovely teeth. But not as many as the pleisosaur.

"DON'T stand on the windowsill. One of these days the window might not be there and you will FALL OUT."

DD scared the crap out of me, massive thud from upstairs..... her DB had "taught" her the best way to turn off his TV was via the windowsill, to reach said TV, on top of wardrobe.

Nothing as simple as using the remote.

DS 'a cake!'
Me 'no, it's not a cake, it's a poo.'
DS 'a poo cake!'

'Please stop blowing raspberries on my boob, just have some milk'

We also have a "underpants as minimum" rule for meals.

Yes, Mummy has a special hole for babies to come out of. Well, it's sort of where your willy is. Yes, near where the poo comes out. No, I don't care if you don't understand exactly where it is, I am definitely not going to take my knickers off so you can look at it.

I can't think of any because I'm too busy crying with laughter!

To the childminder:

"Younger brother has a little willy....(pause).. my daddy has a HUUUGGGE willy"

"Mummy's bra is not the best place to store your half eaten biscuit 'til later......"

"Sweetheart, I don't think trying to put the spider up Daddy's nose while he's asleep is a good idea....."

DD: (shouts) "Daddy - did poo!!"
DH: "Lovely darling, go with Mummy so she can change your nappy while i

finish giving my sermon to all the lovely people here....."

"Bogey is not a moisturiser."

"Please take that fork out of your willy, it will hurt you."

"Please stop trying to see my wee; I am on the toilet."

These are hilarious, can't stop laughing

All to my 17mo DD:

"Take that tissue/paper/wipe/stone/hair slide out of your mouth"
"Mummy can't read to you while I'm having a poo"
"Don't poke me in eye please"
"Leave mummy's top alone - these people don't want to see my belly"
"Put mummy's shoes back please"
"Get your hand out of the toilet"
"Yes, that is a bit of grass/a leaf/a stone etc, leave it alone" - DD wants to stop and pick up everything she sees on the pavement

This has made me want DCs. I always have wanted them in a couple of years but threads like this really take away the fear and make it sound incredibly fun

Sooo funny, had tears of laughter running down my face so much DS1(8) thought i was just sobbing and i couldnt explain cause couldnt get my breath

Will be back later if when i think of some and have clamed down
In the meantime keep them coming

LOL muchly,

DO not eat ANY more lettuce till you have eaten your chips.

'Don't eat my shoe'
'Don't chew the radiator'
'Don't laugh at Mummy when she's naked'
'Where is your nose? No that is your willy'
'No, I don't think that man wants your half eaten soggy rice cake'
'Let go, let go, LET GO!!' said with increasing panic to 13mo DS who finds it hilarious to grab his nappy when its full and to throw it around.