Please remove your book from my knickers DS

[TheSkiingGardener]

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

"Get out of the tumble dryer DS"

"Why is there a chewed sausage in the bath?"

Don't push your tongue through the knot hole in the fence...no... the neighbours don't want to see it.

5 mins ago "no Ds, you don't eat that raw potato like it's an apple"

"Oh FGS, if you don't like it, just put it on the side of your OWN plate, not mine"

"PLEASE stop wiping your hands down my jeans!"

"Wipey time!"

"COME BACK HERE right NOW"

"Yes please, darling. I think I've got a glass somewhere."

Through gritted teeth:

"NONONONONONO do NOT open the cubicle door!"

Marking my place ;D I found the sippy cup in the oven genius haha

'mummy is not a trampoline!'

'mummy is not a climbing frame'

'my nipple is not a hand/foot hold!'

'I don't think that insect is edible'

'why is the screwdriver in the washing machine?'

'your football is NOT an apple' (he still took a huge bite out of it, then ran in screaming because it tasted disgusting)

Please don't pick your nose and eat it whilst wiping your bum!

Tee- you may not believe this, but I have to say " please take the frog off your penis" on a regular basis too!

Looks like I've got years of this then. I was hoping when he started talking things could get more rational.

Silly me.

'How is there popcorn in your nappy?'
'no, he's not a bear, he's a cat'

'Will you STOP playing with the cat's food?! He doesn't play with yours, does he?'

Don't lick the rain off the car, go and get a drink of water.

v funny thread, nice one OP.

Stop riding the baby!! (regularly screeched at said to toddler ds when astride the back of his crawling 9mo sister )

No, it's not a button. Will you STOP pressing it!? (said to ds when pressing dd's birthmark and asking it's a button for the millionth time)

No, it's not another finger (said - between sniggers - to ds as he's squeezing his willy bloodless in order to 'strengthen' it for better use as an extra digit to press his calculator keys)

openerofjars yy, to the cubicle doors, i was pleading with ds on that very mater yday

CoffeeDodger I have had that conversation with my 39-year-old DP.

My friend had to say 'twins, stop peeing all over each other whilst bouncing on the trampoline'

'I don't care that Mr Nobody has got out of bed, I'm only interested in you'

'It was not Mr Nobody but you who drew on the walls. Come on admit it'

'Yes I suppose your fanny does have a nose'

Make sure your willy is tucked RIGHT into the bottle (whilst talking him through an emergency car wee)

" Mummy , look look, I am wearing a poo hat..."

My stomach lurches at the memory

Oh and 'no I don't think horses like to eat strawberries' (to DH at the weekend)

Please don't be sick on my toothbrush.
Stop brushing your hair with my toothbrush.

'Please stop impersonating deities in public'
'where have your knickers gone?' (endlessly)

"Do you have to come in and eat your breakfast, while I'm on the pot?"

"Please stop telling everyone I wear Mummy's clothes, they'll think I'm weird.
What do you mean, good?"

"No you can't sing the word 'bumhole' in a Christmas Carol."

"What is THAT doing THERE?"

"No thanks, I don't need to see inside your mini. Yes, I know it's pink."

All at varying ages.

Great thread!

No its not funny to let your brother play splash splash with your wee in the potty. Please tell mummy when you do it so I can put it down the toilet.

Stop roaring at the cat please

Stop roaring at mummy please

Stop roaring at strange children in the park - one of them will turn around and wallop you one day

NO YOU ARE NOT A BLOODY LION - STOP ROARING!

Leave the cubical door ALONE - MUMMY IS STILL WEEING!

and breathe.....