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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
Elk · 26/05/2011 14:21

Please don't put your finger up the cats bottom. no, you can't wash with tomato soup you have to have a bath like everybody else (said slightly too late).

ChildofIsis · 26/05/2011 14:21

Me - Please don't play with yourself.
DD age3 - But it's nice, I like it.
Me - It may be, but we don't do it in front of people.
DD - Ok, I'll just do it on my own then!

Elk · 26/05/2011 14:21

knickers must be worn at the dinner table.

FoofffyShmoofffer · 26/05/2011 14:22

The severed head is between your legs. (to DS last halloween)
No this isn't mummy's nappy (To DD at time of the month)
That isn't DSs tail (to DD in the bathroom last week)
Don't be upset. Dogs can't do ballet (to DD. She adores the dog)

Witchofthenorth · 26/05/2011 14:24

Ooh just had is one........
No the iPad cannot smell your fartsConfused

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 14:24

'No I don't want to sniff your bottom'
DD (age 3) 'Yes you do, sniff it sniff it'

This goes on for a good 5 minutes, where she got the idea that I would like to smell her bottom I have no idea.

These are hilarious.

PerAr6ua · 26/05/2011 14:27

Oh this brings back some memories Grin. I think my own most startling sentence was 'But toothbrush needs to go to sleep too' said in a despairing wail.

babyicebean · 26/05/2011 14:46

'No the cat doesn't want a bath'
'No the cat doesn't want to be covered in glitter'
'Who sprayed the cat with my perfume?'
'Who sprayed hair glitter on the cat?'

The cat in question is a huge butch tomcat

Repeat the above changing cat for ferrets.

nevergoogle · 26/05/2011 14:55

"why can't your brother have a forcefield too!!!!!" i shouted, i snapped yesterday.

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:11

"Get your hand OFF my nipple! We are in M and S!"

"Take daddy's cigarettes out of you knickers!"

"Stop feeding baby wipes to the dog!"

"The baby in my tummy can not eat cake yet. Stop trying to shove some in my belly button. No, no don't try shoving it up my skirt either. Baby can not have cake yet."

Kingsroadie · 26/05/2011 15:13

"Darling yes those are mummy's knickers. Oh are you wearing them on your head? How lovely. Oh splendid, you have raided the laundry basket to find said knickers." Cue little fists full of knickers from the dirty laundry to be thrust lovingly into my hands (and taken downstairs if I don't watch her carefully enough!). She is 18 months and had a knicker obsession.

WomanOfMassDestruction · 26/05/2011 15:15

"No, no, Darling, go around the zebra..."

"No, Darling, don't throttle mummy, it's very rude..."

"Please leave your nose alone. No, I said leave it alone, not just face the other way so you think I can't see you."

"DD, please stop biting your toenails. They can't be tasty." "They can, Mummy"

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:21

"No for the last time I do not want to see the poo you just did even if it is shaped like a rocket!"

"Stop heckling the builders next door please DD. If you moon them you will come in from the garden right now!"

"If you don't eat your macdonalds you wont get any strawberries when we get home!" Said by DP. He got a Hmm from me and a Confused from the guy at the next table.

FoofffyShmoofffer · 26/05/2011 15:25

saffy that last one reminded me of last time we were in Pizza Hut. DH spluttered laughing as I said " do you want some dessert?" "yes" "right well no salad then". (There was a whole convo leading to this)

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:30
Grin
BrainSurgeon · 26/05/2011 15:39

Thanks DS I can wipe my own bum, don't need you to return the favour, there's a good boy

Sirzy · 26/05/2011 15:48

No the man on tv doesn't want to share your drink

MrsSnaplegs · 26/05/2011 15:48

Well if you will hide under X's desk to surprise her don't be surprised if you've stabbed yourself in the eye with an envelope.
Said to my 45 year old boss 2 days ago Grin

gremlindolphin · 26/05/2011 15:54

These are lovely!

Greige · 26/05/2011 15:58

WHAT spider collection?? Show me NOW!

Please put my skirt down, the supermarket lady does NOT want to see my knickers

Stop nail varnishing the cats ears!

ScramblyEgg · 26/05/2011 16:01

No, you can't eat that boy / girl

(said on a daily basis at the moment)

scentednappyhag · 26/05/2011 16:04

Please don't eat my baby.
I'd rather you used your own lipstick to paint the cat's bum to be honest.
Could you flap your haddock quietly please?
No, I don't know where to buy pink pubic hair dye. Yes, I will tell you if I see any.

All to my mother... No, she's not in a home. Yet.

OTheHugeManatee · 26/05/2011 16:05

scented Those are Grin but also so Sad

YankNCock · 26/05/2011 16:06

PerAr6ua, many inanimate objects in my house 'need a sleep' or 'have to have a nap now'. Grin

oh another one:

"Yogurt is NOT shampoo!"

scentednappyhag · 26/05/2011 16:10

OTHM- no need to be Sad, she's fine, comment about a home was Tongue in cheek :) (great name by the way!)