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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
HeidiKat · 27/05/2011 11:35

I am howling with laughter at the toothbrush in willy one, this thread is even funnier than the tantrums one. Grin

Firkytoodle · 27/05/2011 11:38

"why are all your clean pants in the toilet?"

"you are not a lion, please stop roaring at grandma"

"Don't put your finger up Daddy's bottom when he is weeing, please"

"DD is sad that you have done your wee wee in her hair"

"Please don't drag your brother downstairs by his leg, he may be giggling but its not a good idea"

"No, thanks, I'm so full I don't think I could manage another piece of slightly soggy ricecake"

pookamoo · 27/05/2011 11:44

It's ok for hedgehogs not to wear knickers...

deemented · 27/05/2011 12:14

How could i forget this corker...?

'DS2, please put my toothbrush down. No, you can't use it to clean the toilet. What do you mean it's what you always use?????'

Bast · 27/05/2011 12:15

Unstick your tongues from the trampoline, RIGHT NOW! (Eldest two, Midwinter.)

My most used has to be 'stop starting!' ...it works for most things.

She isn't purring, she's growling.

The dustbin is NOT a good place to hide your little sister during hide and seek.

If you want to know how an insect tastes, don't feed it to your little brother to find out. Please.

The Tate Modern would probably appreciate your mural. I don't. And it stinks.
(The youngest two when toddlers.)

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/05/2011 12:16

My mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
My mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

Now why would I want to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
Now why would I want to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

You can't hear the teacher with beans in your ears,
Beans in your ears, beans in your ears
You can't hear the teacher with beans in your ears,
Beans in your ears

What's that you say, let's put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
What's that you say, let's put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears

You'll have to speak up I got beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
You'll have to speak up I got beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

Say mommy we've gone and put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
Say mommy we've gone and put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears

That's nice boys just don't put those beans in your ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
That's nice boys just don't put those beans in your ears
Beans in your ears

I think that all grown ups have beans in their ears
Beans in their ears, beans in their ears
I think that all grown ups have beans in their ears
Beans in their ears

AnnieLobeseder · 27/05/2011 12:24

I am crying at all of these! I wish I could think of one to add.... I'm sure one will come to me soon.

But I have to say, all these willy-related comments are making me quite glad I have 2 girls!

sherbetpips · 27/05/2011 12:25

Who has been making tripwires from wool and safety pins?
Please stop posting my CDs out of the letterbox.
sooo funny and sooo glad DS never went through that phase! These are all so good I can't think of a remotely funny thing that DS has said now!

trice · 27/05/2011 12:37

"Why have you coloured your willy in green?"
"yes, it does look like a snake"

reastie · 27/05/2011 13:12

'they're out dogging'

said by my granny regularly about my aunt and uncle who do dog agility every week end. I think she honestly has no idea what she's saying Shock Wink Grin and I have to hold back the giggles whenever she says it

Alikersh · 27/05/2011 13:27

Yes you will have boobs when you're a lady. No you can't look at mine to see what they will look like (said by 5yo DD on the train).

I will tell you what a vagina is when we get home. Please keep your voice down, other people don't want to hear you. (said by then 8yo DS walking though the very busy local park...)

supermumreginaanimumnonrapiet · 27/05/2011 13:37

stop praying

ReindeerBollocks · 27/05/2011 13:42

"DD stop bouncing on DS's head"

"no we don't eat caterpillars on toast. Why? Because they don't taste nice"

"Mummy does not have boy bits. Now stop telling your friends that I do"

"DS there are no aliens in the wall, you are not Dr Who, we are not using the tarsus, now just put your bloody clothes on". Said every morning at 8am.

Have to say there was a rumour whilst I was in high school that I was a test tube baby from Sweden Hmm. My mum was mightily unimpressed when her colleague tried to broach the issue of my mums fertility problems....

theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/05/2011 13:47

No, you cannot look at my poo.

DD pleads to have a sneaky peak at the contents of the loo every time I'm using it.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/05/2011 13:54

DD enquiring as to what my mooncup was when she couldn't bear to give me 2 mins peace to wee and sort myself out.

"It's for mummies to use".

"Do I put it up my bum? No, well...yes (sigh), yes, I put it up my bum"

Giving her a fuller explanation would have been worse I think.

whomovedmychocolate · 27/05/2011 13:59

For goodness sake why did you post an entire loaf of bread out the catflap?

Well it's nice to feed the birds but now how am I going to make the packed lunches. Hmm

CBear6 · 27/05/2011 14:01

TSAM, that made me snort with laughter! I remember one of my brothers getting his first sex education lesson, he came home and told me "girls are disgusting, you bleed every month and have to put white sticks up your bum to make it stop".

DS has been very well-behaved today but my mum had to tell my 10yo brother "No I don't have wet dreams ... Well yes, I do get periods or you wouldn't be here ... No, I don't think you'll get a period ... Can you just be quiet now?"

SindyTellsMe · 27/05/2011 14:05

These are brilliant. The two that stick in my mind are:

"QUICK hold my boob up" (said to DH after my first c-section when I was trying to sit up during an early breastfeed - needed about 5 hands for that job and I thought DD was getting suffocated - DH and I were clueless bless us)

and very angrily - "Don't you ever, ever, EVER throw Goofy at the steering wheel again!" (was lucky to survive that crossroads I tell you)

Abcinthia · 27/05/2011 14:42

"Get Ariel out the butter"

"No I don't want to show the bin men my nipples". (DD has recently learnt what nipples are and likes to ask me if I'm going to show random people them)

CheerMum · 27/05/2011 14:43

please don't aim your trump at me, aim it at your father

yes, i'm sure it WAS funny when you sat on daddy's face and trumped

yes of course you can marry the dog

DontCallMePeanut · 27/05/2011 14:54

No, my arm is NOT a seesaw!

ProfYaffle · 27/05/2011 14:55

We get lots of chicken related ones too. Latest was "actually dd, I don't think chickens need coats"

DiscretionGuaranteed · 27/05/2011 15:19

"No, Princess Leia is friends with the Ewoks - she doesn't want to shoot them with her gun"

"Yes, Jar Jar is very funny, isn't he"

from DD's Star Wars phase

"No darling, because it would be 100 metres tall, and you don't have that much Lego, and it wouldn't fit in your bedroom" - too many different proposed scale models to mention.

"No the cats don't want to go with us to the park/Zoo/Science Museum/cinema/beach. Yes the park/zoo/Science Museum/cinema/beach is lots of fun, but they're happier at home; cats are funny like that."thos

"DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! Those people don't want to see me doing a poo"

When I'm queen, all public toilet doors will have to have an extra bolt at the very top, for mothers to use when they're in there with their toddlers.

linzk425 · 27/05/2011 16:07

I'm sorry your biscuit is broken, but I can't mend it. It'll taste just as good.

No, I don't have a willy. No, you can't see where my wee comes from.

Yes, I use a cup when I have my period. No, you can't watch me put it in.

You're seven, you don't have to choose who you're going to marry just yet.

I'm glad you enjoyed learning about how babies are made, but no, you can't watch Mummy and Daddy having sex. It's a private thing for grown-ups.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 27/05/2011 18:10

the pirate eye patch is not a posing pouch!
i just wanna have a wee on my own
what is this? the spanish inquisition?
leave the bloody door alone, u r not a bloody doorman
no they are not mummys nappies!