Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

Dear DD,

Please stop waking me up at stupid o'clock. There really is no need for it and you should of had a bloody nap in the day instead of tantrums all bloody day.

Love mum

Dear Me

Please stop drinking so much wine in the evenings.

Exit

Dear Deemented

Please be gentle with yourself.

Dear bunny

Please stop munching the rug and go snuggle with deemented for a bit

Purple

Dear Lady

Please stop looking at me like I am some kind of F**kwit, my son has SN and yes I do apologise for it not being stamped on his forehead (or indeed not taking the time to notify you of this in advance). However telling your son in my earshot not to play with the nasty little boy, really does you no justice. In addition if you happen to follow up around the grocery store with my son clearly doing a good impression of the Tasmanian Devil, please don't stare at me and then put on that pitying smile as next time I may just knock your block off.

regards
Wally

Dear Children,

If you are going to whinge that you are tired all day, how about going to sleep within say an hour of being put to bed. You have no one to blame but yourselves.

Toddlerama

Dear Rain,
please piss off, you are doing my business no good!
Regards
Walter

Dear Friend (who is a mobile hairdresser),
Stop letting me down at the last minute, I know you think you can because it's me, but my hair is a frikkin state, my time is limited and I may be forced to go elsewhere
Regards
Walter

Dear Dee
Not your fault.
Walter

Dear DD
Please stop ignoring me and stop shouting in your brothers face it is starting to annoy me.

Dear DS
Could you please keep your pants on and stop messing with your winky, and also stop sticking your tongue out and well being a cheeky pants.

Dear DH
Can you please get me a take away tonight as my back really hurts, my house is a mess and the kids are making my day a challenge!

Dear OP
Thank you for letting me vent here.

Dear Deemented, hope everyone on here telling you it wasn't your fault has made you feel better. They are right, you know. And it's fine to cry.

Dear DH, please notice me. I'm your wife, not your housekeeper or PA. Being physically with me and the DDs is meaningless if you are on your phone or watching TV all the time.

Dear OP, thanks for starting this thread. It has made me laugh and cry.

Dear house,

Please tidy and clean yourself.

LTPBTP x

Dear lottery,

I'd like to win about £7m on saturday please.

LTPBTP x

Dear friend,
Stop using me as free counselling. It would be nice if you ever rang me to suggest something nice, not just when you are having a bad day. Or even, y'know, asked how I am for a change...
We could go and have a coffee and cake, and I will pay (as usual) because you are forever pleading poverty, even though you seem to manage 3 coffees out per day.
Oh, and while we're at it, stop posting all your negative shit on my cheerful and funny FB updates, you are bringing EVERYONE down.
Does anyone think I should say this to her face :( I have had two years of this.

Dear Stomach,

I don't want to be a fat woman again, just so you don't look like a deflated balloon. Can you do something about it please?

Butterbur

Dear purplerabbit

I thought rug munching was something far ruder than a bunny would do!

Dear me,

Get up and do some work,

Thanks,

Me

Dear ex-H,

Please, please, please give your children a bath this weekend. Don't just be the 'fun' parent all the time.

Dear World,

Please, please, please give me a job. I have been out of work for nearly four years and I'm beginning to think I truly am useless.

Dear DD,

Yes, well done for working out how to get down the stairs. I was a bit worried and gentle persuasion, as ever doesn't work with you. So I'm glad you found your own way. But FGS stop using this new skill to escape from naps or I will put the stairgate back!

Mummy

Dear Best Friend's Boyfriend,

Please can you get a job here so you can all move, and DD and I can stop missing you all so much.

LaWeasel

Dear Car,

Please, please for the love of all that is good and holy will you pass your MOT next week. We only just have the £48 for the test if you need new tyres and brakes I don't know what we'll do.

LaWeasel

Dear Self
Please, please remember to put your blue badge up next time so your lovely, rare trip out isn't ruined by a parking ticket. I will kick you if you do it again.

oh boob.

Dear Oeufabrain,

Yes you should.

Rgds,
Toby

Dear me,
you are fat, you hate it, so why did you eat crisps this afternoon?
and why dont you get off your arse and sort your hair, face, clothes
ugh

love from the person I used to be x

Dear DH

You have no idea how much I love and appreciate you for looking after me and DS through these last horrible weeks of hyperemisis. Stop being so gruff and hard and male and northern and let yourself be loved.

You were right, it did happen again, but you still let us go ahead and plant another baby. Roll on the end of October!

Dear Teenage Me

Stop taking life so seriously.

Love

Forty year Old Me

Dear Ds,
Please will you do things, like getting dressed and brushing teeth without having to be asked - not when I've been reduced to a nagging shouty mad woman and we have approx 5 seconds before we're due to be somewhere.

Dear Neighbour,
Please go stick your poxy house and threatening letters right where the sun don't shine and leave me alone.

Dear OP,
Thank you, I feel much better!

Dear mum and Dad

I'm so sorry that I moved 450 miles away from you both
I'm so sorry that I stole your first grandchild away from you when she was 2 and a half when you were so so close to her
I'm so sorry mum that you have alzeimers
I'm so sorry dad that I cant make mum better
I'm so sorry dad that I cant make things better for you
I'm just so sorry
I love you both very very much, you are wonderful people and I'm very lucky

love me

Dear Little Sister

Now that he has come back, stop taking him for granted and show your DH a little love and appreciation. After 5 months he could have easily stayed away.

I hope you have realised that you are not the most important person in the world and that other people have feelings too. And maybe you've grown up a bit too.

I know where he is coming from, I lived with you for 18 years too.

Big sis, who loves you and knows you too well

Dear anyone,

Have I really got to help at Brownies tonight?

Yours through a haze of headache

Freesias

Dear back
STOP hurting me, I am in pain :(

Dear dumb dog
Don't run and knock me because my back is in pain! Get the message stupid animal and dc. Ouch

love me x