Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

Dear Tobylerone and No waynohow

Chemist, hydrogen peroxide, dilute, gargle (repeatedly)

Yours most sympathetically
connor

deemented no love not your fault no hate needed

Dear Connor,

I think I love you more than the aforementioned pretty boyfriend.

Thanks a million,

Toby

Dear DH

Texting me from the bedroom to request sex will result in no sex

Dear Deemented,

You did nothing. Please don't blame and hate yourself. My sprout didn't make it either, albeit a long time ago now. You're not alone.

xxx

Dear Deemented

please don't hate yourself. You did not do anything wrong. You do not need to apologise.

Love BBT

Dear Marketing Department

Do you not understand that we aren't actually wizards? It's bad enough that we get blamed for everything going wrong when all we have to work with is our budget and the technology available to us. We don't sit there pulling out network cables and giggling when the helpdesk goes crazy. We don't ask to clarify whether this is the right way of doing things for shits and giggles, we just don't want to have to dismantle what we've done and start all over again because something doesn't work the way you expected it to.

Thank you

IT Department

Dear Baby,

You are scheduled for arrival on Saturday. Whilst I have been poking and prodding you to arrive for almost 3 weeks now, please try to stay in there until tomorrow now as I have tickets to see Peter Kay tonight.

Lots of Love
Mummy

PS. The funny jiggling sensation you feel tonight will be laughter. I've not done much of that recently, but it should feel the same as the gut wrenching sobs I've been prone to this last trimester. Please don't be alarmed :o

Dear First Trimester,

Please go away and stop making me feel so sick and exhausted.

Dear Second Trimester,

Please hurry and don't forget to bring blooming and generally feeling good.

Dear Mortgage Company,

Please lend us the money we need to create the extra space we need for this bean that is on the way. Even though it is rather more than you would ordinarily lend - I have been a good customer for many years! And it will only add value to the house ..

Dear friend,
I know you hated having to give up your job and that when you text me to tell me how wonderful your children are you are trying to cheer yourself up, but please can you tone it down a bit? it makes my life feel absolutely rubbish, because i have to work, and don't get to see my children all day.
greygirl
ps you are still a really great friend though

Dear

bowl of custard. I love you. Silky, smooth and filling. Marry me.

Dear

Escape to the Country. Stop teasing me. You make me sob a lot little bit.

Dear Self,

Loving someone who doesn't love you back is shitty but you have to pull yourself together.

Breaking contact was the best option, no matter how much it hurts right now.

This too shall pass.

MIssA

Dear Dee,

Please don't blame yourself. I'm very sorry for your loss.

MissA

Dear Dream Home

Please sell yourself to us NOW so we can get married and have lots of babies in you.

Ta
OTHM

Dear Deemented

It is devastating, but do not feel guilty.

Dear Boss

No I dont want a leaving present or a leaving do of any sort because you are making me redundant. I dont care if you need to salve your conscience, that's your problem not mine.

Regards

Gnome

Dear Deemented

I just read your post. Feel so sad for you. Please don't blame yourself

Dear Friend,

You now I love you dearly and that your friendship means the world to me, but please, cut us all some slack with the Bridezilla thing. Nobody but you will care what colour your tablecloths are. Nobody but you will give two hoots if the bridesmaid's shoes are a slightly different shade to their dresses. Nobody but you will even notice if the name cards ar handwritten or printed out. We all just want you to have some fun and enjoy these last few weeks leading up to the big day. And give DF a reminder as to why he asked you to marry him in the first place - the poor chappy is living on salads and smoothies and not playing sport in case he injurs himself for you and you alone! Just relax :) And bring my fabby friend back into my life :)

WW82

Dear Deemented,
If you loved your little sprout it had a good life. At least it knew love while it was here.

Big hug for you (from a complete stranger but sometimes you need a lot of hugs)

dear ex h

dd is now an adult - you don't need to 'buy' her anymore. You did it very well when she was small, she particularly liked the hideously expensive trips abroad that you were unable to accompany her on.. but it is not, and never was, a competition to see who could spend the most, and you know what? Ithink she's worked it out now.

Thanks
LC

Dear DH

Please hurry back to work. The week "off" you have had has only made me pissed off with you because every time I would like you to help out with one of the dc's, you seem to have an important call/email you need to attend to immediately. I was very much looking forward to having an extra pair of hands this week and, dare I suggest, even a little bit of child free time but instead I have just ended up feeling resentful.

Dear PMT

Please do not make yourself present when little things piss me off (see above), thus turning them into monumental things and making me feel thoroughly miserable

Dear Deemented

Please do not blame yourself I've had 3 sprouts that didn't make it and it is devastating but you are really in no way to blame. Take care of yourself x

Dear Everyone

Thank you for being gentle with me. But please stop as i'm crying again.

Dear Dee

I'm so sorry, please don't blame yourself or feel guilty.

Baroness

Dear IT Department

Yes, I do understand that you are not wizards but you clearly think I am a witch. I've given you the budget to get the technology to do this project, don't tell me 3 weeks prior to launch that it's not going to do what you said it could do, showed me it could do, and then let me show the Board what it could do. I don't care how it works or the science that sits behind it, I do care that not one of the conference calls, meetings, drinks in the pub or crafty fags round the back of the office resulted in you telling me about this.

Frankly, I now look like an arse. The next round is on you

Regards

The Marketing Department

Dear Deemented,

I'm so sorry you lost your sprout :( Please don't be too hard on yourself, it wasn't your fault.

Dear Port Isaac,
I wish that I had appreciated living in you, and the wonderful countryside around you, rather than wanting to "escape" to the big city. Many years on I now realized how blessed I was to spend time in such a beautiful place, how envious I am of friends who are still living there, and how difficult it would be to engineer my life so that I could return. I dream about you, and the quality of the sun light in summer.
With the best memories of carefree days, Ash