Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

Dear Fradulant Psychic,

You convinced my mother that her mother (my grandma) was somehow bound to the earthly plain and needed your 'assistance' in moving on to the spiritual one.

Well done! You wrung tears and money from a desperate grieving woman, and you broke her heart all over again. You are a morally bankrupt, shrieking harridan who deserves nothing but my bile and contempt, and no amount of wet eyed, feather waving, spiritual fuckery foo will allow you to avoid my questions when i show up at your door to get that money back on her behalf.

still, as a psychic you already know that don't you ?

Kaiki

Dear ex-MIL I am allowed to buy things for myself I do earn my own money. Also I know you lie about things so please give me a bit of credit I'm really not that stupid. I will never stop you seeing your gc because they love you and think the world of you.

Dear ex-h the DC's are growing so quick and you are missing so much. If it is to get at me get over it. I will not ask you, you are a grown up and I am not your wife.

Dear DM I miss you

BM

Dear M, J, O and H

Thank you for encouraging me to come out with you today. I needed to get out of the house after 5 weeks in bed/hospital. Even if just to the play park. I hope the HG is subsiding and I can come out to play more. I might even bring DS with me next time.

Dear DS

Thank you for being so good about going to nursery more, being handed round friends and GPs, going to bed nicely, eating nicely and just being such a superstar whilst I have been laid up with HG. And for coming to see me in hospital and befriending all the old ladies.

I think it'll be worth it in October when (fingers crossed) you have a sibling. Goodness knows what you'll think.

Dear OP,
Thank you for this patchwork quilt of our thoughts.

Most humble bowings and scrapings,

MT

Dear Slough Social Services,
No, quite frankly, after 36 years, there is nothing you could ever say to me that would convince me to introduce my 4 wonderful DC's to that broken down bag of a mother.

She's your problem now.

YS, MT

Dear Mother,
Yes, I'm very sorry that C died in the fire, but I'm amazed it hadn't happened before then. It's proper and fitting that SS should look after you - after walking out on us when I was six, and having had a lifetime of emotional problems because of you and your behaviour, I no longer feel that I should ruin my life to try and save you. Good luck and all that. But you will NEVER see your GC-en and that'll only be your fault.

Fuck the fuck off and have the decency to die.

MT

Dear DS2,
PLEASE stop putting your hand down your pants - I know I'm supposed to be open and accepting (after all, you are only 2!) but it's only a matter of time before I scream 'DON'T TOUCH IT - IT'S DIRTY!!' (with poo, may I add!)

Lots of love

Mummy
x

Dear DD, Sorry you have to have periods. From here on, being a woman can be quite shit at times, but it can also be fantastic when you share that life with another person that came out of you! Love Mum x

Dear DS1, You're so lovely when you're not trying to be like your knob of a dad, please let some of your SD rub off on you instead! Love Mum x

Dear DS3, You are just the most amazing baby ever (shhh, don't tell the others!) - I cannot believe how lucky I am to have you and I hope you won't have to have the same op that DS1 had. Love Mum x

Dear SM and Dad,
I don't NOT do the housework because I'm lazy - I leave it because I hurt, every day, all day, and I have the energy of a gnat. True illness tends to have that effect on people. And no, I can't just 'get some fresh air and exercise' and it will all go away. And yes, I'm very pleased that you're fit and enjoy all your activities at your age, but we will never be like you, and no matter what I do, it will never be enough for you. My children will always be my first and foremost priority. Unlike you, who thought it was absolutely fine to leave me with all and sundry, which resulted in the events which triggered this illness in the first place. And no, I'm not pretending or making it up. This illness is very real. Either buck up and help or get on with your 'activities' - up to you, but don't expect me to EVER forgive you and Dad, because I'm just not capable of it.

MT

Dear ex
I hate you, you smell, and stop feeding the kids crap and being the fun dad. I wish DH and I could take them away forever but seeing as I'm a reasonable human being, we can't. Get your teeth sorted out.
Oh and fucking grow up and get a life, you're nearly 40.

MT

Dear DH,
You are so wonderful, I thank the universe EVERY day for you, and that I didn't marry that TWAT. How you put up with me and my shit every day is beyond my ken, but I just hope that I've showed you how much I love you by doing the only thing I could in having DS's 3 &4. I'm sorry I'm such a shite housewife, but we will beat this thing together.

Love you reallyshouldn'twriteanymorezillions xxxxxxxx

Dear DH

Thank you for never saying "I told you so" even though you did.

Dear DH

PS I meant it about the vasectomy though!

Dear Cancer,

Fuck the fucking fuck off and when you get there fuck the fuck off some more you fucker. If you were a person I would kill you for what you did to my baby girl.

Dear G,
You damaged him beyond repair. I will do my best all my life to make things better for him but you do this. With your drugs and your drinking and your behaviour. I want you to know that he never hears a bad word against you from any of us but only because we love him. You starved my boy. You wouldnt feed him and your lack of love stopped his little brain making the connections it needed to. He will live with this all his life but I will do whatever it takes to make his life wonderful. I thank you for producing this remarkable child and I wish that you would do better for your DD than you did for him. There is a place for her here if you dont. I know you would rather die than let that happen but I care about her, not you. I hope one day that you will sort yourself out and stop damaging yourself and everyone around you. You deserve a good life despite what you have done.

Dear Friday

thank you for being SO much better than thursday - yesterday's post included falling over, banging baby's head and 12 month jabs - but you have brought an offer (above asking price) on our abode AND a job offer for DH!

Dear Woman who was in McDonalds earlier.

I hope he doesn't speak to you and your kids like that all the time. I was silently egging you on to walk out of there and leave him mouthing off to himself. I noticed he went quiet when those soldiers stood behind him in the queue. Not so big and manly then, was he?

I could feel your embarrassment (and it showed in your face) - you shouldn't have been but HE should have.

FP x

Dear DD
I am so so sorry I yelled at you just now. I just need you to go to bed when its bedtime. I try to be a loving mum and hate myself when I lose patience and shout at you. I'm worried about the sprout and whether s/he is still there, and dreading the scan on Wednesday and what it will show. Perhaps I'm just too old to be a mum again, with all the risks. I should have been happy with my perfect little one - you. Worried its all going to go wrong.

CQ. X

Dear red wine,

After what you did to me and my mate the other night, no way am I picking up where we left off. You bastard.

Dear DH,

Thankyou for taking the weekend off to rip the carpets up. It's a grim job and I'm v glad I don't have to do it.

Dear reproductive system,

Either get on with the baby stuff or don't, but stop causing me pain. And if you're not going to bother with another baby, please can you stop doing periods? They are rubbish.

Dear DH

I'm sorry I'm such a rubbish wife. You really deserve so much better but I gave so much of myself to being a SAHM for 12 whole years and now I haven't changed I've just gone back to being me.

fp

bloody hell, 40+ :(

Be you!!! x

Dear DS:

The last trimester of the pregnancy with you and the two months after were among the most terrible of my life. PND is so terrible. I thought I was going to feel like that for the rest of my life. I felt like I would never see the sun again.

My darling, I would go through it all again a thousand times for you. You are so funny and bright and lovely. My sunny little blondie, dancing to the radio and making a "glitter picture", I love you so much. I'm sorry I have so little patience to play trains. (Thank you for reminding me to be a Really Useful Engine.) I'm sorry I shout sometimes. I love you, Mama

Dear Mother of a Boy in DS' Class:

It's absolutely fine that your little boy likes to play dress up and with dolls and is quiet. Of course it is! By the same token, it's fine that my DS likes to run and jump and throw balls and vrroom trucks. They're different, and that's ok. My DS is one of the most gentle people I know; please do not say he is aggressive because he's more boisterous than your DS. I understand your defensiveness when it comes to your little boy, and I'm delighted he has you in his corner. But please do not act as though there is something wrong with my son! Would you like to bring your DS over to play some time? I'm sure we could find some common ground. -CheerfulYank

Dear Pelvic Floor

I thought we were friends. I thought we'd got back to the good old days. I really thought I could count on you. I know I didn't warn you we were going to Zumba, but I really don't think I deserved the nasty surprise you gave me.

Buck up please.

Yours,

BB

Dear Sieglinde,

I'm so sorry about your Tessa. What a beautiful name. I don't know you but I do know that it wasn't because you worked long hours. It wasn't your fault. And I also believe that yes, you will hold her one day. I really hope that you can take comfort in the part of yourself that believes both of these things, too. They are both true.

Dear DH

I love you so much. And so much more than I show you, sometimes. I will try to do better. You are still my best buddy and I still have a mad crush on you.

Dear DD

There are no words big enough or beautiful enough to describe my love for you. You are everything and more than everything and your presence in my life fills me with gratitude.

Dear Mom and Dad

"May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift" - words from the song that you chose for my christening, and that you used to sing to me as a lullaby. I miss you every single day, and I wish with all my heart that you were here to enjoy your grandchildren and your old age together. But I want you to know that you did give both M and me a strong foundation, and because of that we are both OK despite losing you so young. We've found wonderful partners and have beautiful children who know you as Gamma and Pop Pop. And we no longer fight like cats and dogs. We love each other dearly and even tell each other that.

garlicbutter thank you

I am being me but it's making poor old dh very unhappy. He's always been kind, considerate and supportive but unfortunately doesn't like it that I'm spreading my wings so far now that the dcs are older. He wants to 'spend more time together' - errrr... sorry but NO!

Should have bolded Sieglinde two posts up x

Dear Boss,

I am very sorry, I know the business is not doing well, but I would like to get paid soon. I am still waiting to be paid for February and March, and getting nervous that the money won't materialise.

Leonard

Dear SElf,

Please stop shouting at precious 3.5 DS. Yes he can be annoying, contrary, doesn't listen to you, but he is only a little person and when you shout at him, not only does it not work, but you feel remorseful and guilty and like the worst mum in the world. Now he is shouting and stomping off also, no doubt copying you.
He will be little only once. Treasure this time with him, interact instead of being rushed and busy and always doing other things. Spend some time in his world instead of being bored. These are the special moments that you will carry with you for the rest of your lives.
Remember that you love him and he was a miracle that turned your life around.

Love Leonard

p.s Stop being so hard on yourself, you're not a bad mum

Dear 13 yr old self

It will be alright in the end honestly.

From me, 37 years

dear miracle worker please please let me recover full use of my. Legs also my bowel and bladdrer to

Dear painkilling drugs please kick in now .I am in urgent need to be of away with the fairys .

Dear nurse I think I love you you brought the morphine

Dear fairys and flying pigs watch out I'm on my way

Dear Vodka and Coke

I love you

Hic

Dear sh77,

((((hug)))

from
me.

Dear Ex-Line Manager

You were the worst manager I have ever had. Ever. That includes the sex-pest boss I had ten years ago that used to try and feel me up at company do's. I used to dread having to speak to you because you are such a nasty piece of work and my life is so much better now that I never have to speak to you again. By the way, I wanted to ask you if you were aware that your surname, Dick, is a euphemism for 'penis'? The giggles your surname gave me was the only thing that made the last two years bearable.

I'd say 'See you', but I really hope I don't.

Claire

Dear DH
-I'm sorry I am a rubbish wife. I know as I'm a SAHM I should be able to do more round the house, but some days I just can't face it. It is so mind-numbingly tedious.
-Also I thought we both agreed we wanted another baby. But I can count on one hand the number of times we've had sex since my MC almost a year ago.... I wish my libido was as low as yours, that way I'd know that another baby was off the cards completely but I feel like I'm in limbo with all your mixed signals and I'm not wasting another precious month of fertility drugs unless I know you're going to make some effort too. Feeling rejected physically hurts and I can't take it.

-I'm not excited about your Lovefilm subscription - all that means is that I spend more evenings sitting on the computer alone whilst you watch films I have no interest in.
I really wish we could move closer to my hometown. I have friends there, true friends I can rely on, and family who could help out perhaps. That's why I spend an unhealthy amount of time on Rightmove trying to figure out if we could afford to downsize and relocate there.
-On the whole, you are amazing, so kind and patient and forgiving, and I'm so proud of our little family we created and of you for working so hard and doing more than your fair share. The last 10 years with you have mostly been wonderful. All my love, TLM

Dear Confidence
Where did you go? I used to be the life and soul of the party, had loads of friends and was excited about my life and prospects, now I feel like a shell of my former self, have a couple of friends and nobody nearby I can truly rely on. My IQ seems to be dropping, my degree has been useless and I'm forgetting everything I studied and my ambitions have gone out the window. If I could just harness the confidence I had 10 years ago and apply it in my present life I could accomplish amazing things now.
Come back - all is forgiven! TLM

Dear Sister
Why do you continue to press the self-destruct button? It's as if you identify the options, find the best one, then immediately discard it because heaven forbid you should actually make any positive progress. You have had so many opportunities, so many chances, a great education and you throw it all away!
Guess what, all the mind-altering drugs you claim make you more open-minded are making you paranoid and worsening your MH problems. Get clean, start listening to the medical professionals and following their advice, otherwise the knot in my stomach tells me that you'll be a statistic soon.
It's not funny or clever to keep necking more glasses of wine at a party, whilst proclaiming that you aren't allowed alcohol due to your stomach ulcer. You are an idiot.
Stop blaming mum for your problems. She did her best, made so many sacrifices for you and you threw it back in her face. You have refused to see her for 10 years for no fathomable reason - all the problems you have now are of your own doing - you know full well she'd take you back tomorrow if you would just swallow your pride and talk to her.

Dear everyone else, sorry this is so long, there's a lot I can't say in real life!