Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

Dear little mini-egg,

Please stick, please stay in me and make it. I will do everything I can to look after us, and am absolutely terrified that if you don't make it it will be my fault.

All my love,

Goodegg xx

Dear colleagues,
Please can you stop transferring instant coffee into the sugar jar? It makes my tea taste disgusting. It really can't be that hard.

Dear Dee,
I'm so very very sorry and I hope you can find a way to stop blaming yourself.

Dear Boss,
You have chosen the wrong person to replace me when I go to my new job. You are an idiot.

Dear everyone at my stressful job,

Please all fuck off for the next 9 months. I don't want to be bullied, undermined and stressed throughout this pregnancy, you have already affected my health and if you affect the health of my unborm child I will kill you all.

Best

Goodegg

Dear lovely people
Thank you
I hope I'm still feeling this brave tomorrow

Dear DD,

Please can you get out of bed and open your blinds. It's 12 o'clock. And make the bloody bed.

Also stop nicking my socks, and I will stop nicking your jeans. Deal?

I love you but you are a scruff bag and I am scared at the thought of what is under your bed.

Cheers

Mum

Dear DD

I do know that you are 16 - I think I was there remember ?
However you really and truly do not know everything - trust me I am ancient and I dont know everything.
I also remember when you were small and you thought that I did know everything.
Could we perhaps meet somewhere in the middle ?
If I promise not to look at you and think fondly to when you were 8 years old could you manage not to look at me with disdain.
Also as it is my birthday today could you please get out of bed and wish me a happy birthday before it gets much later

cheeers mum

Dear ds

Thank you for going to bed properly last night without a fight. I was very relieved as I don't think I can deal with a shrieking you and your newborn brother/ sister who is coming next week. Please do it again tonight.
Well done ds! X

Dear lorry drivers,

Do you know what the number 40 means? It means the maximum speed you are supposed to do past our door. Owner drivers, our very weeny A-road which includes a single lane humpbacked bridge isn't really the shortest way to Southampton, not if you factor in the delays at the lights.

Dear Tessa,

You were seventeen on 4 January. I can imagine you, tall and dark, and interesting, and funny, and wise. I wish I could have held you just once. Just once. I hope I will one day. Maybe it was my fault I lost you. I shouldn't have gone on working such long hours... I still love you and I think of you every Christmastide.

Dear babies,

We miss you! Come home. He doesn't deserve to have your awesomeness for a whole week. Can't wait to see you on Sunday!

Love,
Mum and L

----

Dear cats,

Thanks for being so co-operative this morning when I had to get you into the carriers to take you to the vet. Just one more appointment and then you can get out in the garden and kick some bird-arse!

She-who-has-cooked-chicken-and-rice-for-you-all-week

----

Dear BF,

Just ask. I will say yes. To both things.

ilu
K

----

Dear L,

Just stop it. It's very confusing that you are such a lovely person, but that you act like a total cunt and fuck everyone over all the time. Stop lying and stealing and be the person we know you are.

Also, stop feeding your kids Fruit Shoots!

Love,
K

Dear City Link

You ballsed up the last delivery that came via you. Please don't balls this one up - I need my mini greenhouse, do you understand?

Thank you
OTheGreenfingeredManatee

Dear Toby's BF

Just ask her FGS! Or Mumsnet will be cross. And that can't be good.

Rgds,
Fellow Ginge :)

dear sun,

please come back. We sweltered through that long, hot week at school and work and longed to be able to enjoy your company. Now it is the holidays and you've left us....:(

Everything is so much easier when you are around; you make all the Spring colours really ZING and your presence makes everyone smile.
Please?

sun-loving-Arfur

Dear me,

Stop faffing around on MN and get back to work. But FGS grab something to eat and go to the loo first or it really will make you cry.

Dear work,

HELP! I am drowning. There are deadlines whizzing by.

Dear friends who are coming to stay for the weekend,

Sorry. It's going to be even more chaotic than usual. There is currently piles of stuff on the bed, no food in the house, and two van-loads of builders in residence.

Dear Dee,

I hope you can draw some comfort from all those on MN who have been where you are now and have come out the other side.

Dear OeufaBrain

I think that you're being too polite.

Love Imps

-----------

Dear Weather

You really really really really really really really piss me off.

Do you hate us that much that you don't think we deserve to be able to plan outdoors events without having to write "weather permitting" on the invite? You do?? Then you're a cock. You hear me? A COCK.

Warmest regards,

Imps

Dear DDs,
I can't believe how funny,smart and beautiful you both are. You make me feel like a better person just by having helped produce you. I love you so much it makes me cry.

Dear bean I couldn't have,
I'm so so sorry. All these years later, I am devastated. It is a lonely grief.

From smugaboo

Dear DP,

Thankyou for taking DS2 to the shop with you and giving me 5 minutes peace. But please stop telling me that he twisted your arm into buying him a cap gun!!!

He doesn't have more power than you! YOU and I both know it was you who wanted the gun and having another son is giving you a second chance to be a child again!!

I HATE GUNS!!!

TLES!

Dear Genetic Disorder,

Right, you have made yourself heard. I had never heard of you and now I know. But please, please leave her alone. She isn't yours. She's mine. And I love her. Please don't disfigure her, or hurt her, or take her from me. She's only a baby and she doesn't deserve you.

Yours beseechingly,
RainySmallHands

Dear stylenotfashion,

You made me LOL.

Rgds,
gingenotstrawberryblonde

Dear Joe,

I am so very sorry that Mummy thought it best to let you go. I regret it every single day..but I didn't know, I couldn't know, I don't know if it was the right decision. It seemed you needed to be at peace. I wasnt strong enough.

What if I was wrong? Please forgive me.

I will forever imagine you in my arms, my beautiful darling boy.

I love you always, from Mummy

Dear Jamaica

Thanks for the best year of my life, I live on the memories and miss you every day

Sera

Dear darling gorgeous friend

you're too bloody far away and I miss you more than I want to admit.
Please come home, well, you are next week anyway but honestly, I could use a text or something.

arghhhhhhh
Ingrid

Rainey your post has made me fill up.

Dear Argos

I want my picnic bench. Your courier is lying when they say they tried twice and I wasn't in, I've been in every afternoon this week and no one's been. Sort your act out and get my bench here in time for the holidays.

Me

Dear Shabba

I hope you get a really sunny holiday.

Love Chulita

Dear MummyLouise

I hope you have many, many years of enjoying your children.

Love Chulita

Dear MN

Please stop distracting me so I can clean this tip of a house before my parents get here.

Dear Mum and Dad

You are both fantastic, I know you get embarrassed when I tell you I love you but I do, with all my heart.

Dear parents of teenagers

They will love you again (see above)

Dear DD

You are adorable and I love you so much. Please stop sitting on your brother, he's only little. Sorry I trapped your skin in the seat belt clip today, and sorry for shouting at you yesterday - I was too tired for your toddlerness. I will try my best to be patient with you.

Dear DS

Thank you for sleeping 7 hours in a row last night, you beautiful little boy.

Dear neighbours

Why the frick were you out in your garden shouting at 4.30 this morning? Just cos you don't want to sleep then doesn't mean the rest of us have to hear about it. And the late night parties on Monday nights? Not.cool.

Dear fellow mners
Sorry for such a mammoth post of nothingness

Dear Genetic Disorder
Listen to Rainey and clear off

Dear DH

I am so proud of you today especially - your hard work has paid off, it looks amazing, and I hope you get all the credit due to you for making it what it is. Watching you on TV now!

Love your missus

Dear Mum

Antibiotics DON'T WORK on viral infections. Please stop hassling me to take them, I've already had 5 courses this year.

Your loving DD

Dear sister

I wish you knew how much you were missing of your DN's life - he changes every day, and I hope fulfilling the wanderlust is worth it.

Your big sis.

Dear DH
I have three children at home all day. The weather is horrid and DS2 is poorly. The house isnt going to be pristine when you get home, there will be lots of toys around. Think yourself lucky you dont have to be here all day.
Your stressed wife.

Dear DS.
You new ASD obsession with 'tiddles' (which is any type of running water) is not doing my bladder any good, and its starting to turn into water torture. Please move onto something else. I would even have the door slamming back.
Mummy