Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

Dear boss, i am leaving this shit job to work for a much nicer boss, thanks for all the fish etc.. you twat

Dear Nan, thanks for teaching me to fist fight when i was little...p.s i miss you

Dear ds1, thankyou for growing up to be a decent, kind, loyal man, your fiance is a lucky girl

Dear ds2, stop hitting your grandad in the balls

Dear god, please let this run of good luck last, and send me my soulmate to complete the lovely life i now have

Dear Cumbrian Rain

I know we owe you a lot - the reason it's so green and lovely up here is because of you. But you can have too much of a good thing.

I think you need a little holiday down south for a few days - to recharge your batteries for what I know will be your finest hour in July and August.

Bon voyage!
Bumps x

Dear Estate Agent
this is my beloved house you are selling not a pile of bricks and mortar. Please treat me and it with due respect and honesty!

Dear Mumsnet
Thanks for putting this thread into Classics, and to Manatee for starting it. It was much preferable pastime than cleaning and ironing.

Dear DH
Sorry that the house is not clean and your shirts not ironed, but there was this thread on MN... I am sorry that I don't always live up to your expectations, but I love you more than anyone ever could and who gives a shit if the house is spotless when we have such a fantastic life. Oh, and sorry about ordering the Royal Wedding Tshirt for the dog, I know you will roll your eyes at that one.

Dear DD
I am glad that you weren't really hurt when the football hit your tummy yesterday morning, but do you think that if something like that happens again, you could not get your teacher to call, unless you are really ill. It was lovely to have lunch with you yesterday, but Papa and I had intended on a relaxing meal à deux in the Michelin starred restaurant.

Dear DS
Poking holes in the desk at school really wasn't a good idea, but I am proud that you decided to give the school all the money to replace the table from your pocket money. And the apology letter you wrote to your teacher was very sweet.

Dear Friend
I know that you think that your DD is a sweet child who is being bullied, but please could you notice that she is a manipulative little girl who claims she is bullied in order to get your attention. And if it was you who told her that I don't cook and only open packets, just fuck right off. I bake my own bread, I make almost all my meals from scratch and I have been at your house when you have served Croque Monsieur from a packet.

Dear Brother
I love you dearly and adore you DD but if you could send me just ONE video of her at a time. I don't have the time and the inclination to watch 5 videos of her drawing/playing/eating etc.

Dear Dee
you are a lovely woman, a fab wife and a great mother. Don't feel that it was your fault that your sprout didn't make it. Three of mine didn't and I know how shit it is. (((hugs))) Hope I didn't make you cry again.

Dear Time,

You sped really fast through my first maternity leave 4 years ago so this time could you please stretch yourself out a little bit so that my maternity leave won't be up next week. That way my beautiful gurgling, smiling, thumbsucking 6 month old warm bundle of cuteness will always just be within arms reach of me and not in the arms of a minder.
Mummy

Dear Heart,

I have no idea how you are going to cope with being away from dd2 all day long, the smell of her skin is intoxicating I know. Do you think I could just bring along a playmat and have her beside my desk all day?!
Mummy

Dear First Daughter,

You are so spirited and creative. It genuinly blows my mind away most of the time how amazing you are. I felt so bad at falling asleep yesterday afternoon after I fed dd2 but woke up so proud that you entertained yourself with drawing(even if a little bit of it was on the wall) and dvds. Today I'm going to surprise you with a picnic in the playground on the way home from school then we're going to go to the beach tomorrow with Daddy and your baby sister.
Mummy

Dear DH,

You're lovely, you really are.
Karen

Dear Tears,

Be off with you. I'm just a big softie, head over heels in love with her family.
Mummy

Dear everyone,

sorry, that was a really long post,

Yours shortly,

MmeLindt

Dear bro/sil,
Please stop agreeing to babysit and then letting me down at the last minute!its infuriating!

Dear ex,
Your a loser and I hate you!stop lying to your solicitor and either be involved with dd or not, stop walking in and out of her life. Oh and thanks for the abuse!

Dear new employer,
Thanks for giving me a chance and for being totally understanding that im a single mum with a young toddler and giving me child friendly hours

Dear dd,
I love you more than life itself, you amaze me!im sorry that I have to stop being a sahm but the job is only 2 days a week!and im so sorry that you havent got the option of having brothers/sisters

MissPricklePants

Thanks gorionine - my experience sounds far less traumatic than yours since the baby in question is actually a robust 14 month old who screamed reassuringly loudly immediately after impact! I am glad someone helped you in your hour of need.

Dear Mum - PLEASE stop drinking. I want a normal mum. DS want a grandma who knits and bakes. Not one who rolls around on the floor, p1ssed, spitting venom. when I think about how you treated me when I was young, and then look at my DS, it makes me wonder how you can look at yourself in the mirror. But even after everything, you're still my mum and I do love you. But I will never forgive you. Never.

Dear dad - thank you so much for instilling your work ethic in me. I wouldn't be where I am today without you. I know you were weak in the end with that bitch but I don't blame you for doing what you did after my mum sucked you dry. But why oh why didn't you tell me about your other children before you died? It was so hard. I didn't know what to do and you weren't there to answer my questions. I wish you could see me now though. Know that I am happy.

Dear Brother - stop blaming the way you've turned out on our upbringing. You're 32. there comes a time you have to take responsbility for your own life and decide whether you let the past repeat itself or vow to take your life in another direction. It's up to you. It's no one's fault but your own if youre life doesn't turn out how you want it to.

Dear DP - thank you for loving me and not trying to change me. For the first time in my life I feel settled and free to be me. And I couldn't hope for a better dad for our DS. I can't wait to make you mine forever. I promise I won't let you go.

Dear DS - you are the light of my life and I promise to give the best life I can and I will always be there for you.

Dear wine - you've been around for centuries. surely you can make a way possible so you don't give me such a headache in the morning.

Phew - that was good.

Dear DH

Your behaviour this morning was apalling and unforgivable.

I'm not weird and fucked up for not letting you hold DD while you were so angry. It's what any sane person would do.

I've never come across anyone so insensitive, ignorant or ungrateful in my life and I wonder so often what made me marry you.

If I had the money to fill my car up with fuel DD and I wouldn't be here when you get home from work. Unfortunately I'll have to wait and go in the morning. Don't ever blame me for messing up our marriage. The only thing I'm guilty of is being an idiot for staying with an abusive bully for so long.

Nosy

Darling DD

Please sleep for mummy. You're so tired and it's heartbreaking that I can't seem to do anything to help you.

You are my world and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Mummy xx

Dear evil drink driver

Why did you have to take my mother away from me when I was only 5? I need her.

Nosy

Dear NosyRosie,

Good for you for standing up to your H. and good luck tomorrow.

MmeL

Dear H

Everyone should have equality of rights and opportunities and that should transcend cultures. How hard is that to understand? And arguing about whether other cultures might be right and we might be wrong is condoning the awful atrocities that they perpetrate on their citizens. Do you really not think that they know it's wrong but just don't care? Really? Do you really not think that the powerless people in those areas do not know they are getting a kicking? Really?

Scallops (wondering what has happened to the lovely man I married)

Dear dh
I never thought I could love someone so much seeing how good you are as a dad makes me love you even more.

Dear ds
I'm so sorry I did not bond with you for a couple of months it breaks my heart to think I felt nothing at first even though I desperately wanted to .
Know that now nine months later I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love a person and I will try my very best to make sure you always feel loved. Secure and safe.

Dear self
your book is not going to write itself, get off your ass and prove to all the people who say you can't/won't do it wrong.

Dear NosyRosie

I am crossing my fingers for you for tomorrow, you and your DD will be brilliant together and you are amazing for making sure that no-one gets to bully her and her mother and get away with it.

Sisterly fist-bumps

EAM x

Dear Scallops,

Sorry your H doesn't get it. Hoping the light dawns soon.

Meanwhile, use your irritation to write angry letters to MPs about the international stuff that's on your mind?

EAM x

Dear Nosy,

Run like the wind....run and keep yourself and your DD safe. You are very brave and I envy your bravery. This life is very short and we have to make the most of it. I wish you luck and love. Never look back - just look forward and remember you are doing the best thing ever.

Much love, Shabbs.

Dear Nosy

go go go. as long as you and dd have each other, that's all you'll need.
good luck.

mamalovebird x

Dear Fanjo,
Why the fuck do you have thrush? Haven't had sex, haven't used perfume in bath and haven't worn tights recently. I am going to zap you with Fluconazole this afternoon so say your goodbyes!

Dear DP
It is not my fault you are skint. It's not my fault you are depressed because you are skint. So dont get moody and then hang up when I say you sound like a teenager. It is embarrassing that, as a 53 year old man, you answered a percetly reasonable suggestion with "s'pose".

I'll respond when you apologise for your disrespect, which, given how self-obsessed you are, may be some time yet. And I'm not lending you any more money as I cant afford to.

Not feeling the love,

MO

Dear DS

I know you hate having your puffers and you are about to fight and kick and cry when I try and give them to you, but you are so wheezy that you can hardly talk so you need them. I love you and I am sorry

Mummy.

Dear Me
Grow a pair and give them to him
Yours, Me.

Dear Nosy,

Go, and think of you and DD one year on. Free from pain and abuse. I would do the same.

MadameO

Dear EAM,

Thank you! That is a really good idea! I'll start off with the Equal Opportunities "review" guff!

Scallops

Dear MP,

Sorry but you might be receiving a few letters from our household in the near future. You have already had 2 this year and more is on the way. Can I just say I was mistaken not to vote for you. I won't make that mistake again! I think you are one of the good ones.

Scallops

Dear DD,
Please arrive soon! I can't wait to meet you and am so excited at the thought of holding you in my arms for the first time.

Dear DH,
You are simply fabulous and I can't believe how much you have enriched my life. Thanks for being a brilliant dad and supportive husband. I know we are deep in the baby days and it's not always easy, but there will be time for the two of us again, I promise. Keep thinking about that second honeymoon!

Dear DS,
Thanks for being such a lovely smiley little boy and making us so happy. Be nice to your sister when she comes!

Dear SIL,
Please chuck the boyfriend, sweetie - you deserve better!

Dear Sis,
I don't know exactly what's making you so unhappy (although I suspect my guesses are pretty close to the truth), but cutting everyone out of your life won't help. Please start talking to your family again, we miss you.

Dear K & D,
No-one deserves a beautiful baby more than you. You've both been so brave through all the setbacks and I really hope it will happen soon. You are always in our hearts.

Dear OP,
Thanks for this thread.

Love LMS

Dear NosyRosie,

You are so brave. And your DD is very lucky.

Scallops
x

Dear DS2,

I love you dearly but there is no way you can be left home alone, I know you enjoyed the film but you are 3yrs old and no you won't be able to fight off any potential burgalars. And Also can you please take the wellies off and let me get you dressed. Wearing pants and wellies makes you look a wally!!! You are NOT a Killer Bean
Also can you please stop wrapping Nanna round your little finger by telling her how much you love her followed by "I havent seen my trogrammes for 5 weeks" just so she will watch handy manny with you again.

Can you also realise you are 3yrs old and Steptoe and Son is not a typical programme you should find funny nor is dads army or fawlty towers.

Love

Mummy xx

Dear OP
Please would you come and help me unpack my shopping and do housework and stuff, as I can't seem to tear myself away from this fantastic thread.
The little tableaux of joy and humour and tragedy and poignancy and bravery and hope and despair and laughter and love are just too addictive to leave!
Thank you.
Arfurbrain.
x

Dear mum,
I will always be there for you and love you, but I cannot be your sole counsellor anymore. Its been 2 years (since the Event, but you know you've been depressed a helluva long time) and you still haven't taken my advice to speak to someone who knows what they're talking about. You won't "get a grip" by "being normal" and you mustn't be so hard on yourself.
Love your loving daughter

Dear dad, I wish I was brave enough to tell you to leave me and my family alone, but even with the way you have treated mum, DSis and I, I still cannot bring myself to be so cruel to you.
from the person you don't deserve.

Dear unborn baby,
I know I'm asking a lot as you are only really very tiny, but I'm still very shaky after I lost your brother or sister a few months before you were conceived, so if you could make your presence known in some way I'd be super duper grateful.
love mummy

Dear DD,
you are actually my sunshine and really do make me so very happy. I love you more than words can say. And I promise to make us some lunch now.
love mum

Dear DH,
you are a wonderful man and I cannot imagine why I have been so lucky as to marry someone like you. BUT, I really don't want to name our baby Barney, after Sylvester Stallones characted in The Expendables
love your wife

Dear MN,
sorry this was such a big post. You've made me laugh and cry with this thread, and its all so needed. You're all so brave and funny and clever and I adore you. But I really must make lunch for my hungry toddler now.
LWW