Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

dear dh

please note that I am not just here to do the ironing, cooking, look after ds, get your dinner ready, pick up the car tax, look at your verucas, cancel your gym membership, console you about work & entertain your parents whilst you play golf, ooh sorry I meant work!!!!!!!!!!!

ps, if you slap my arse when you get in, please note that I will chop your fucking hand off XXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

pps, dear period, you can piss off too and take my aching shoulder with you xx

Dear Tyzer,

I would have taken you up on your offer of finally having a pair but sadly I passed my men at work sign on when I moved out of home. However I am of the understanding that alone they can become collectors items and rare.

P.S tell DS cider is ok as it is made from apples/pears etc so is part of your 5 a day

TLES

Dear Fat

I know I said this year would be the year that you were gone but you're really not making it easy for me.

Dear Chocolate and general junk mfood cravings

Please piss off. You know I am weak. Surely you'd have more fun cracking someone who was actually a challenge to break.

Dear DS

Mummy has not always been the best to you when you were a baby and I am so sorry I didn't get help when I should have done. I love you more than ever and I promise you I will never feel that way about you again. You are the sweetest and most wonderful little person I have ever met and I am so proud that you are mine. I know you are only 3 but you are my best friend. I am always on your side and I will be here for you til the day I die.

Dear Car,

Thank you for understanding that I am scared to drive you and have just passed my test; for being easy to handle last night, for letting me park you with ease and for making me smile when driving you (which I don't think I've done before)

Yours happily,
Pinkcardi

Dear Road Users,

Just because I am driving a ridiculous sports car does not mean that I want to race you off the lights, or that I like your aggressive posturing, or even that I like driving. I do not.

Please be nicer.

Yours scardily,
Pinkcardi

Dear SM

I know you have been in my life for 35 years now so isn't it about time you stopped seeing us as a threat?, When you have an affair with a married man with kids then we come as part of the package.

I know that you tried to commit suicide on Christmas eve 4 years running to stop Dad spending Christmas with us.

I know you hated us for taking Dad away from you every Friday evening and beleived we were spolit.

I know you got pregnant on purpose.

I know you call your son, my brother every day and skype weekly...We havent had hardly any contact from Dad or you for almost 4 months.

I know you were relieved and happy to finally be getting rid of me and your grand daughter when we moved to the other side of the world. I saw you smile whilst dad cried.

I know you don't tell Dad when I have called and then find things for him to do so he can't speak to us.

I know you sell the gifts I buy you on Ebay.

I know you screamed at Dad that I couldn't/wouldn't touch my bother after he was born because I would give him germs. ( I was 14, excited and sat in the waiting room for 17hrs eager to meet him. You also made me walk home alone that night as Dad wasnt allowed to leave ' his new family ')

I know you buy us gifts from charity shops and give my brother £1000 every birthday and Christmas.

I know you pay my brother's rent even though he is 27 and has a great job.

I know you told Dad that I had needed to stand on my own two feet and there would be no hand outs when I was living in London in a grotty bedsit, doing 2 jobs and putting myself through University.

I knew it was you that made up the story that almost destroyed my mum.

I know you will never love me, I know you will always resent me. I know you wish you could get rid of me forever.

But you know what, I love you and I will always be a part of my your life. I will always treat you with respect and do whatever I need to do to keep you happy. I need and idolise my Daddy and so does my daughter and we want him in our life.

Phew that's 35 years of knowing...I feel better for getting it all out. Therapy.

Dear B
I will not let you crush me. I hate what you are doing but I am stronger than you and I will not let this break me. Hope you realise one day how hurtful you have been so many times, but I doubt it, because you are an emotionless attention seeking robot.
Me

Mr
I love you more every day. How is this possible? Thank you for being so bloody amazing.
Me

Dear colleague,
you keep threatening to leave so please feel free to fuck right off, you are ruining my maternity leave already!

Dear Niece,
The world does not revolve around you and I did not have my DCs to 'steal your limelight' grow up!

Dear Mum,

I miss you dearly and wish you were still here to meet your beautiful grandchildren.

Dear DS1,
You beautiful intelligent little creature please god be quiet for 2 minutes.

Dear DS2,
Gorgeous little man, never ever stop being so sweet.

Dear DD,
You have made my family complete, I adore you.

LB

Aww julesgee

Dear sickness bug,
please fuck off, I am very pregnant with twins and have enough to worry about, without being sat on the toilet hugging a bucket
Walter

Dear DS,
I am sorry, I know you want to paint and that this is the 2nd dvd of the day already, but mummy is otherwise engaged (see above)
Mummy x

Dear Sage,
Estimating my call will be answered in 55-60 minutes is not good enough, my phone was lost in the move and my phone on a cord is not conducive to D&V and holding at the same time.
Please hurry up and answer the fucking phone, and don't be surprised if I am not here when you answer, do not hang up, I wont be a minute!!
I do not need this
Walter

Dear mastitis

Piss off already!

Me

Dear DH

Thank you for trying to warm me up at 2 am when the shivers started, for getting up at 4am to run me a bath so I could express. You are wonderful.
Thank you xxxxx

Dear DD1

You are the sweetest creature for telling to go to bed and you will be fine with a DVD and toast, unfortunately you are only 2.5 and as lovely as it sounds, I'm sure it's illegal.
Love Mummy

Dear DD2
Thank you for deciding to sleep through the night but you forgot to tell the boobs! Sorry, your milk must taste gross!

Love Mummy

Dear period

Please don't arrive on my wedding day.

melody

Amazing thread. Typing through tears!

Dear DH,

Sorry I'm a shite housewife. I'm bored, babe, so bored. But by god I love you xx

Dear DSs,

You make me very very proud and I'm very sorry that sometimes I look at you and I ache for a DD. You are everything I could wish for and I'm trying very hard to be complete.

Dear SIL

Please stop being so up your arse about your perfect DD and perfect DS. I know you know it hurts me. What kind of person does that? Bitch.

Dear FIL

Please love your son as much as you love your daughter. He is fucking amazing, actually, if you'd get your head out of your arse and see it.

Dear FIL again

You do know you have 5 grandchildren, right? Not just 2? Oh you do know? Try fucking showing it.

Dear MIL

I'm sorry your husband is such a wanker and never tells you he loves you. I am also sorry that you allow his behaviour to cause such pain in the family and do nothing about it.

Dear Dad

I'm sorry I wasted 9 years avoiding you. I love you.

Dear Mum

Please stop being so mean. Please stop the lies.

Dear Me

You are OK. Move on. Don't let your past define you. You're a far better Mum that you should be, given your upbringing.

Dear Tissue

Please come here and wipe my eyes

Thanks OP xxxx

melody you can get tablets from the Dr to stop that. I had too as well!! x

Dear Mil
please stop speaking to my husband as if he were your spouse.
Just stop.

Dear DD
I coudn't love you more than I do. You do not need to have a sore tummy to get my attention.

Dear DH
Please do not snap and grump at the DCs.This is the family life that we chose and longed for and are so lucky to have.

Dear DS
Have you fed your pet lizards?

Dear Puppy
Enough with the jumping up.

Dear Diet

I know we haven't got on very well together in the past. Can we try again?

Love
KT

Dear DTSons - You stole a piece of my heart when you were born. DT1 I cannot believe you are 30 at the end of this year. DT2 I wish you were here to celebrate your 30th birthday as well.

Dear DS3 - I cannot think about you without smiling - you brought the sunshine back into my life after your big brother died. I also wish you were here to celebrate your 27th birthday in the Summer.

Dear DS4 - You were my 'suprise' baby....you are now a sulky teenager but I love you with every part of me.

Dear Prat who killed my DS3 with his lorry. Not a day goes by without me thinking an apology from you would be nice. - 19 years is a long time to wait for those simple words - I am sorry. I hope you have thought about us every day of your life since that awful day. I know I shouldn't say this but I quite simply hate you.

Dear DH - It has been a rocky road but we have walked it. I know you wish I was slimmer, I know you wish we had more money, I know you wish many things. Just remember that the woman you see before you has gone to hell and back many times. I will always support you and stand in your corner.

Dear DGS - You make me LOL. Im glad I have had the chance to be not only your Gran but your childminder for the last two years. Knock 'em dead little man.

Dear DDIL - Thank you for loving my DS1 and for bringing my DGS into this world. Im sure there are times when you could strangle me but thank you for biting your tongue. I love you - you are the daughter I never had.

Dear God - Please let us manage to go on holiday this year. A small lottery win would do the trick.

Dear Shabba - Right please shut up now

Dear Shabba, you just made me cried at my desk and now my collegue is looking at me like this

Dear me last night,

It would be better to go to bed than to stay up to watch the second half of Waking the Dead accompanied by wine.

Love me this morning.

Dear DS,

WTF have you eaten to create the hideous nappy I just changed?

Love Mummy doubting the reusable option.

Dear fat and lazy Cat,

The scratching about at night is MICE. Go hunting instead of sleeping on the bathmat and covering it in hairs. Earn your keep!

Love Food Lady (who is putting you on a diet)

Dear OP,

Great thread.

WC

Dear Vinegar, learn to proof read, cried should have been cry, you dingbat

Dear Shabba

You have made me cry too.

Hope you get your holiday.

Love

Exit

Dear Willbean,

I have two cats who eat countless numbers of rodents. Please feel free to borrow them as I am fed up of finding leftover gallbladders and tails on my bathmat.

x
Cakes

Sorry Vinegar

Dear tonsillitis,

I pure, straight, HATE you still. But thanks for making me lose enough weight for my belly to be almost flat once more.

Regards,
Toby

Dear Cat,

Stop miaowing. Stop howling. Stop HOOTING. Yes, we do love you very much...we just can't devote every minute of every day to holding you, stroking you, and boosting your heartbreakingly fragile little ego. Yes, you have been fed and yes we have to go to work!

You may look beautiful, but I'm not sure we would have adopted you if we'd known that you could moo in a bull-like baritone.

Sorry Exit!!!

Dear DGS - You have now played Boom Boom Pow (Black eyed peas) 30 times since 7 am. Your dancing is perfect and you can sing the whole song (cleaned up version) really, really well. BUT if you listen to it one more time Grandma's head will explode. xxx