Dear mummylouise : If we can somehow cross the pond to each other, you can have a chunk of my liver. I'm not using the whole thing, honest. (I actually signed up to possibly do a live transplant of a kidney a few years ago but the woman found a match before I was tested.) I know it's probably an empty offer, but I am thinking of you and would absolutely do it if I could. Best, CheerfulYank
Dear Men Who Think It's All Right To Buy, Steal, or Coerce Children So That You Can Have Sex With Them: It's not all right. If I had one power in this world, it would be the ability to stop you.
Dear Brother: You're fecking lucky I put up with you, so don't try me. Don't forget you're living in my house. And why we're at it, please grow up. I know that mom and dad made a lot of mistakes, but you have always been a terribly difficult person to get along with. Stop blaming them. Please stop sounding so proud of being a druggie at 14. And please, now that you're almost 32, do not call me and scream abuse into my voicemail when you cannot reach me. It is not my fault you were driving drunk. The fact that you finally called a high school student to come spring you from jail is pathetic, not funny. Additionally, half the dog sh*t in the back yard belongs to you, as one of the dogs is yours. Clean it up. To continue, I don't care that you don't like funerals. When Grandpa died, you were the only one in the world who would have understood how I felt. I needed you for once, and you let me down. Also, how many times do I have to ask you to help DH put up the lights? You're living with us, you can bloody well help out. And no, the fact that I don't have a driver's license does not mean that I cannot have an opinion on anything, nor does it mean that you are somehow superior to me. You're living in your little sister's basement. Take a good look at yourself please. You're not going to be driving yourself for much longer since you can't seem to realize that there are laws about driving while pissed. In spite of all this, I love you. You're my only sibling and you're one of the funniest people I know.
Dear DH: I know I'm being immature, giving you the cold shoulder like I am. But we discussed this. We agreed we would not have an only child, and here DS is almost 4 and it's never going to be "the right time." Why can't I get it through your head that it's never the right time to have children, that there's never enough money? We have a home, a big yard to play in, we love each other, we're a happy family, and we're good parents. I don't understand what your problem is. I know that you are the most hesitant man alive, that you are careful and thoughtful where I am spontaneous and airheaded . Even though I'm furious with you right now, you're a wonderful father. A child deserves you, would be lucky to have you. Would be lucky to have us. Another biological child now and then a few years after we start the adoption papers. That was our deal and I'm so angry you're going back on it now. I know you said you wanted to get the house projects done first, but I can't do them on my own and you won't help me. I cannot refinish the frakking floor on my own, are you mental? You need to help me and you need to do it now.
Dear DS: You are so stubborn. You get that from me. My favorite saying has always been "give a person guts, and sh*t will do for brains." :o You've got guts and brains, little man, and I hope they serve you well. I want you to grow up to be a kind and gentle man. I love you so much. I thought about you a lot when I was pregnant, but I never could have imagined you. You amaze me. "Button up your overcoat/When the wind is free/Take good care of yourself/You belong to me!" :)
Dear World: I still think you're a beautiful old thing. Love you!