to wonder if you do weird things when you think you're not observed?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

say thank you to cashpoint machines?

say excuse me if you rumble?

open your mouth when applying massacre?

steal sample some of the meal when you're plating up?

read the end of the book before the rest?

shout at the television?

talk to the animals?

pretend you're a firebreathing dragon on a frosty morning?

wear pants in your hair when you can't find a bobble?

shove a few dirty things in the dishwasher and rewash clean stuff, to save emptying it?

drink the milk from a bowl of cereal?

Obviously these are pretty rhetorical, please feel free to add your own queries.

Oooo gymnastic finishes! They're essential for completing any household related task, usually accompanied by me shouting "AND PRESENT" .

I am also champion bottom dancer in my living room. So far I've had no competition but if ever there was I'm fairly sure no one could shake it better than me.

Also putting different amounts of butter on my morning soldiers, according to what rank they are: eg sergeants get more than privates and generals get done on both sides.

And of course not treading on the lines, in case the bears get me.

Every day after I've dropped my children off at school, I have a board meeting with myself on the drive back home about what are the most important things to achieve that day. Out loud. I used to mumble, or stop if passers by saw me, because I was clearly alone in the car, but since hands free car phones were invented I can chat away loudly and animatedly and no-one outside can ever tell that I am not an important business woman on her way to a meeting and talking to her secretary, but just a mad lady who is driving in her slippers.

I have a fridge that has a mirrored door. It is like one of those trick mirrors that makes you look really slim and tall. The further away you stand the slimmer and taller you get. Sometimes, I stand as far back as I can, hitch up my skirt and admire my beautiful size 8 self, and my gorgeous long slender legs. Then I pull poses, and sexy facial expressions, like I am a top model being photographed. I really am extremely good, even if I say so myself.

fellatio thats soo funny about hands free kits in cars , that's exactly what i do now, oh the freedom its brought being able to chat away to yourself, without being stared at!

I say "pardon me" whenever I fart, even on my own. But over the years it's evolved into something that sounds like "maname", and the dses accused me of grunting after a fart the other day, so I've obviously got even lazier.

I practice the ballet moves I learned 30 years ago.

I imagine I'm in a film when going about my business.

I look over my shoulder and smile in the mirror when leaving my bedroom.

I suck my tummy in when I get on the bathroom scales.

I perform concerts along with the ipod whilst stacking the dishwasher.

I have endless conversations with randoms when out walking the dogs.

I imagine myself in a Crimewatch reconstruction when out and about.

As a devoted murder mystery reader and CSI watcher I solve crimes all the time and am often interviewed by the police [in my head] since I alone hold vital clues and can work out who the murderer is.
Do ballet plies in the kitchen whilst cooking dinner.
Get cross with inanimate objects "Don't do that!"as the end of the bed leaps out to jab me in the thigh.
Growl when annoyed. Only realised this when the children started doing it too.
I rescue snails too and bees and spiders. Have been known to go into shops which have bees trapped in their windows and rescue the bee. Don't rescue wasps or flies but still feel sorry for them and do rescue them at home.

Genius!! But foundwanting has had me in stitches!!

Glad I'm not the only one blatently too old to be scared of monsters / axe murderers who are only defeated by your duvet.:)

I menace my dog by staring threateningly at her until she starts barking and we run around the house together playing hide and seek.

I cannot see a flat piece of lawn without wanting to (and quite often actually) cartwheeling across it.

Today I got up on the adventure playground and did a few flips on the high bars then went across the monkey bars to show the DC how you do it. Then I realised there were about thirty parents looking like this . (I'm not that old! )

I used to do this thing where if I was out walking I would say to myself something like I have to get to the next lamp post before the next car drives past me but I've had to stop doing it because I find it too stressful. And of course once I've said it (in my head) I can't retract it so if I don't make it I just feel a sense of failure! God, I need some sort of therapy for that one!

My car was off the road so I found myself walking down the road singing out loud merrily (forgetting I was without car). I could have died when I did it standing next to a hip and trendy teen while we were waiting to cross a pedestrian crossing.

I contemplated posting this till I seen I wasn't the only one! :)

I think you're strange if you don't talk to your pets

However conversations with my dog have now reached epic proportions and can often involve a long pause and then my saying "I think you're being unreasonable!" as if he's just given me 5 bullet points on why I should increase his treats or something...

I also make sure my feet are covered in case a ghost or monster gets me and drags me out of bed.

I have conversations with myself.

I tell the cat I won't feed her unless she says "Meeeeeat!" ("SAY IT! SAY IT!!")
I try and put two fingers in the dog's nostrils but he never lets me. He also loves it when I put my hand in his mouth, grab his lower jaw and shake his whole head like some sort of lion tamer, he comes back again and again for that
I have to put DD2's teddies (longtime residents Teddington and Persil) under her blanket with their heads on the pillow when she gets up. They have earned their rest!

Oh, and mooing at cows when I pass their field. Every time.

We say "Bon jour" to cows

Its to see if they speak french because we managed to convince DD1 (now 13 but about 5 at the time) that french cows say "le moo". She is now in on it and goes along with the joke with her younger siblings!

Not found any french cows yet though sadly :(

Weeping with laughter at the gymnastic finishes - especially Gibbonz essential "And Present!"

I hold on to the work top as though it was a ballet barre and do what I imagine to be elegant plies, again whilst watching my reflection in the oven door.

And sometimes if I've been wearing my reading glasses and had my hair up, when I take my glasses off, i shake my hair out, then put my hands on my hips and pout. The shame.

I curse bad drivers. Not curse words but more like I pretend I'm a witch and put a curse on them. Eg. Breaking a red light - may he get home and find his tv isn't working or she'll do a whiffy fart infront of somebody she was trying to impress.

I have to always come up with different curses and they can't be anything permanent or too mean, lest karma comes back and bites me.

I say "hellooooo" in a mooing voice to cows when I pass them. They do notice so don't feel too silly

I shout "horse" whenever I see one when travelling in the car. Which is everytime.

I sing alot, instead of just saying something, I'll pretend I'm in a musical. Dd loves it and so do I :)

I am doing mad little shoulder shake laugh at this tread. DH thinks I've lost it this time. If only he knew that I...

1)Pretend to be in a cookery show when cooking (based on my real life as a working mum, natch)
2)Imagine that my DH and I have divorced, he is marrying someone else and I am racing to the venue to stop it and declare my love for him (a la Richard Curtis film)
3)Stand in ballet poses on the bus and imagine that fellow passengers think I am a real life ballet dancer

Thanks for the thread, OP. It has brightened my Sunday night!

If I walk past a pay and display parking machine in the street where I live I have to press the white big button.

I have to say the same 'goodnight' to DS every night - otherwise he will be ill in the night

If I get a soft drink with those weirdy buttons on the lid (usually interacting if it's a diet whatever), I have to squash them all down before I can put the straw in.

This is called 'killing the spider' and needs to be done otherwise some great calamity will befall me.

The car had to go into the garage last Friday, so I took DS and DD to school on the bus - I had to physically bite my lip to stop myself from singing along with the ipod on the way home! :)

I pretend that Jamie Oliver is sitting on my work top when I'm making the tea and asking me cookery type questions. We have ace conversations and he praises me on the amount of veg I give the kids.

I have full blown arguments with my Mum/DH in my head and have everything all worked out so I don't get mad at them in RL. DH has noticed me doing this, because I move my lips and now says "who's getting it in the neck this time and why?"

Blimey I sound like a loon

This thread's fucking great. I do lots of these, or variations on them. Also:

I talk to the birds as I sit and watch them flit about the garden. Well, shout to them as usually I watch them through the closed French windows. I also smile at dogs (already mentioned).

I say 'baaaa' to sheep and goats (as opposed to talking to them normally as with some other animals. Don't know why.)

I take my socks off when I'm sitting with my legs crossed and feet dangling so when the cats rub round my feet it feels nicer for me. I also did the 'whatever' sign to one of the cats recently when I shouted her and she ignored me.

I furiously give the Vs to my computer if it does something I don't like, or if I'm reading something on it that annoys me. (I never stick up my middle finger though; that's too violent and serious).

I re-run debates and arguments in my head and, this time round, win them.

I put one leg up on the kitchen work surface and stretch as if I was a dancer.

I make up entire scenarios in my head where I bump into all the slebs I'm currently obsessed by in an innocuous situation but one where they are then forced to interact with me. I dazzle them with my wit/charm/foxiness.

I rifle through clothes gathering dust at the back of the cupboard and shake them out, sigh and grumble and then put them back, to go unworn some more.

I assume a thoughtful stare into the middle distance when I'm sitting on the tube with a book, so I imagine I look intellectual but all I'm thinking about is 'God, this book's boring' or 'Shit, I don't get this book, I'm so stupid'.

IHate, I LOVE that you race your dog down the stairs. And make fun of him.

lolo, try Japanese-style toe socks with your flip-flops. www.tabio.com/uk/detail/000027487/

Sorry, link idiot:

www.tabio.com/uk/detail/000027487