to wonder if you do weird things when you think you're not observed?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

say thank you to cashpoint machines?

say excuse me if you rumble?

open your mouth when applying massacre?

steal sample some of the meal when you're plating up?

read the end of the book before the rest?

shout at the television?

talk to the animals?

pretend you're a firebreathing dragon on a frosty morning?

wear pants in your hair when you can't find a bobble?

shove a few dirty things in the dishwasher and rewash clean stuff, to save emptying it?

drink the milk from a bowl of cereal?

Obviously these are pretty rhetorical, please feel free to add your own queries.

I hate slugs too madamedevere, when we moved into this house, the first summer, one crawled into our living room(our first garden too). DD and I were daring each other to get rid of it, I finally managed to flip it out with a stiff bit of cardboard .

I do ballet moves too!

Sometimes when I am walking with my iPod I put on a really upbeat tune and imagine I am in a film and the song is my sound track.

When I am walking and really knackered I imagine I am on a travellator like you get at the air port or I imagine I am pulling myself along on an imaginary bar along the road

"tobylerone we may well be the same person... yes to all of yours.

was very disappointed to learn that there is already a French version of "Beyond the Sea" as I've had my own version for years."

I am thrilled that someone else does this! When I told a friend of mine (who speaks about 4 languages fluently) he was genuinely baffled. Like "how can someone like you, who is so pedantic about grammar, bear to do this knowing it's incorrect"? I knew I shouldn't have told him

Also do trolley surfing, tube surfing (has that been mentioned yet?) and the 'pretending the song on my iPod is the soundtrack to my life' thing. In fact, my entire life has a soundtrack, all the time. There is always a song in my head. My friend Bri has had the same Weezer song stuck in her head since 1997.

These have really made me laugh this morning.

The only time I'm ever really on my own is when I'm driving, so I find myself doing a commentary as if I'm test driving a car for Top Gear I describe the handling and acceleration etc. I 'change' the car I'm driving depending on my mood as test driving the same peugeot day in day out got a little boring...

When I'm on the top deck of a bus I sit at the very front and pretend I'm in a small plane flying down the street.

If I walk along a paved area with anything other than boring set square, right angled slabs, I have to cross my legs each step exaggeratedly, careering from side to side as I traverse the 'wibbly wobbly way'. DD also does this.

I secretly think I'm a very good singer and if only anyone ever heard me they'd agree. Only singing when I'm by myself allows me to continue this delusion.

When I'm in the bathroom with no clothes on I have to 'wobble' myself at the bathroom mirror to see how many bits move. More and more these days

I can't pass an oak tree without singing 'tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree', a picture of a badger without going 'badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom' or see a rainbow without singing the Rainbow theme tune.

I also talk to my dog, the automated checkout machines, and trolley surf.

I touch the photos of my dearly-loved Dad, who passed away in 06, and carry a small photo of him everywhere I go. He's now been to India, Turkey & Switzerland and would have been thrilled !

I also cringe for my beloved convertible Beetle when I drive through a puddle because it's just so sad to get that lovely hood wet and muddy. I thank it when it's completed a long journey to my satisfaction !

My kids just nod to each other sagely, confirming what they know - that I'm completely mad !

I once saw police training to be police drivers on telly, they have to say everything they see and do. I do that all the time.
" left corner approaching, red astra parked to the right, changing into 3rd gear, man and dog waiting to cross....." etcetc. I'd pass that test easy

albertcamus I don't like it when people bad mouth a car when your in it incase it takes offence. I was very upset when oh mentioned scrapping the car when we were inside and driving!! Madness.

You're. Stupid phone making me look bad.

Heh. My car is ancient, crap and dying. I thank it when it gets to the top of a hill, and have encouraged and cajoled it (aloud) all the way up.

I have hair pants for when I'm putting my make up on. They were clean a couple of years ago when I discovered they were the best thing to keep my hair back. I talk to the hamster all the time, sing TV themes in an operatic voice just to make myself laugh. I answer back to the radio, shout at the TV and have been known to have a conversation with my lovely fridge.

I talk to my tortoise (not a euphemism) in a baby voice.

I pat my car's steering wheel when she has done particulary well. I always ask 'does that feel better?' when I fill her up.

I have shoes that I dont wear. I open the boxes and smile at them everyso often.

I do the 'I need a wee' song too. I dont use the same tune, mine is more 'I need a wee, I need a wee, I need a wee - I need a wee, I need a weeeeeee'

I say 'Billie bird' every time a I see a Magpie. I used to be terribly superstitious about them and would do those stupid things you are supposed to do when you see them. After DD died, when I saw them they would remind me of her and her other friends who had died. If there were two I would think 'there is DD and XX' . Its because they are so cheeky and carefree.

ANYWAY when i see them now I just say 'Billie bird' I know this is totally bonkers.

pinkism - the great thing is, my car does hear me, she really does, because when my DH (of course such a very superior driver) is behind the wheel, she sometimes makes him graunch the gearbox - YAY !!! This never happens when I'm driving her, but of course being a typical man, according to him, it's just a daft VW gearbox, inferior to his Jag lol :)

I can't think of any new ones, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one who puts more dirty plates in the dishwasher and turns it on again. I know it's lazy and probably very wasteful, but I have done it a few times

This is excellent. Seeing as so many people do the same weird things surely the behaviour must actually be normal.

I speak to my dogs continually and refer to myself as mummy. I also sing to them and change the words in songs to their name - like that song that goes "Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby" is now "Doogie, Doogie, Doogie, Doogie". Me and the dogs also have "our song" like we are a married couple.

When there is a good guitar solo in a song I play the dog like he is the guitar. Not to the point of swinging him round the room!

I have a mad obsession with locking up the house at night which involves locking the front door, pushing on it several times to make sure it's locked, opening it again so I can relock it and go through the whole pushing it with all my weight process again.
I also have two windows that I have to push on the frame to ensure they are shut - but only these two windows??? Also have to turn off the microwave socket at the wall, no other appliance gets this special treatment. If this process hasn't been followed I cannot sleep.

I also time myself when cleaning and get really flustered if I run over.

Also have a little bedtime routine for the dogs involving telling them I love them and that I'll see them in the morning. There is a very specific wording to it and system of kisses and MUST be followed.

Oh dear...

I used to fantasize that I'm being watched by the entire world and everyone is fascinated by every (wonderful) move I make and word I say
I think cars have "faces" and some are smiley and cute, some are not so cute and some are plain ugly!
Oh and I do about 80% of everything that has been said here too.

Can I please nominate this thread for classics?
It's therapy to me.

I talk to myself all the time, was shouting abusively at the wind today whilst out walking the dog, it was open fields and the wind was so noisy so I was literally shouting at the top of my voice, no idea if anyone heard me

I always give myself an ultimatum about reaching the next lampost whilst driving, ie. if I don't get to to the next lamppost by the time this song finishes then I will gain 5lbs next week or something along those lines.

I am also a trolley surfer and have yet to see another adult do this, which, judging by how many people on here do I would have thought I would have seen more!

If I drop food on the kitchen floor I pick it up and put it on dh's plate.

He thinks I dishup evenly but he doesn't see me scoff a handful of chips before I bring the dinner through.

I hide food or snack on chocolate behind the fridge door so ds doesn't see me and what some as it's ALL MINE.

I sing Singstar sometimes ....on my own

I put hairbands on my dog's nose/paw and laugh at her struggle to get them off.

I'm often interviewed by Parky/Graham Norton/any famous person really. I'm very witty and they fall hopelessly in love with me and my anecdotes.

Of course I'm on the sofa eating bombay mix by the truck load, perhaps still in my PJs when this is happening.

I sing made-up harmonies to certain TV themes. I perfected the "Home & Away" one about 15 years ago, and when they updated the theme tune they actually STOLE my harmonies

My trolley-scooting days came to an abrupt end last year when I scooted one of the smaller trolleys back to the trolley park, it over-balanced, and I damaged my hand quite badly :( My mum's response "you're 32, not 6" says it all really Now scarred for life - be warned ladies!

I do ballet 'positions', often in supermarkets, even though I've never had any sort of ballet training.

I 'merchandise' in shops and supermarkets - putting things in the right place and pulling things to the front. I can be hours in a card shop sorting them all out. I got this from my mum who has a similar habit and I remember as a little girl being in a shop with her spending hours matching all the Sylvanian Families into their right boxes, because they'd all been just shoved in a bargain bin. Golden days!

i also talk to my tortoise. The lizard gets songs sung to him eg 'green thing' for Wild Thing, lyrics such as 'poor little greenie' (David Bowie) or 'gotta be green gotta be mean' which is taken from a Mika song. He's not mean though!

I've been lurking for a while but had to join because this thread is awesome! You're all bonkers! However, I:

• greet the first magpie of the day by saying "Hello Mr Magpie!" but only if I see it before midday

• make the eggs fight each other to the death when I want to make an omelette ("death" being them cracking their shells)

• always thank the cash machine. And the car park barrier machine. And the vending machine at the gym (although this MUST be done in a nerdy John Major voice).

• argue loudly with the self check-out machine at Sainsbury's and then when it says "unexpected item in bagging area" I respond with "nobody expects the spanish inquisition!" a la Monty Python.

• refer to all tradesmen/call centre people/employees of the shop I'm in as "Nice Mr/Mrs [insert company name here] Lady/Man" including the automated BT voice ("Nice Mrs BT Lady says we've got a message!") and the speaking clock ("Nice Mr Speaking Clock Man")

• sing loudly when driving anywhere

• when driving any long distance imagine what I would say/do if I should pull in at motorway services next to the Top Gear chaps

• then pretend that I'm famous just so I can imagine what my interview and lap on Top Gear would be like (I would, obviously, be the fastest famous person in a reasonably priced car)

• give all the socks different voices when I'm pairing them up after washing and drying them. The red ones always have joyous and affectionate reunions.

• am perfectly capable of going to the loo in the middle of the night in the dark but sometimes will imagine there's a Black Rider from LOTR waiting outside the bathroom round the corner so I have to RUN back to bed

yes, we are all sane

I just thought of another one that I do.

You know the car advert where the bloke is blasting his stereo and rapping along to "Rapper's Delight" with a couple of homeboys in the car with him.

Then he pulls up outside his very safe house in a very safe neighborhood and his DW asks if he remembered the nappies. Pull out to reveal that he is alone and totally square...

That's me that is.

On my own in the car, I play the stereo really loud, rap along to the Old Skool Hip Hop I listened to in my youth, or even make up words to raps.

Then I get home to my very suburban, middle class area and worry that I haven't baked enough for DDs Year 1 cake sale

I have full blown arguements with the self service checkouts, often reminding them I worked for Tescos for 7 years and was Customer Service Manager for the last two thank you very much! I'm becoming known in my local branch now

I try out explaining new concepts to my cats, if it holds their interest then it'll usually do for Year 8 on a Friday afternoon, actually found this to be an excellent teaching method and still think it should be included on the PGCE course, I will even hire out my boys for those who are feline free.

I always jump over tge squeaky floor board on the landing but when alone I do a gymnastic finish and score myself!

I also talk to TV presenters, imagine my joy when Miranda started and you could legitimately have a conversation with the show, such fun!