to wonder if you do weird things when you think you're not observed?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

say thank you to cashpoint machines?

say excuse me if you rumble?

open your mouth when applying massacre?

steal sample some of the meal when you're plating up?

read the end of the book before the rest?

shout at the television?

talk to the animals?

pretend you're a firebreathing dragon on a frosty morning?

wear pants in your hair when you can't find a bobble?

shove a few dirty things in the dishwasher and rewash clean stuff, to save emptying it?

drink the milk from a bowl of cereal?

Obviously these are pretty rhetorical, please feel free to add your own queries.

Ooh yes I talk/yell/point out the blindingly obvious to the TV.

I get massively attached to inanimate objects. My dh is very imaginative and can make up amazing stories so much so I haven't been able to eat an apple if he's made up a cute back story.

I almost cried when they filled in the huge pothole that I greeted when I kept on driving over it on my way to work . It then 'moved' close to my house and I'm hoping the council don't fill it in.

I used to have different coloured cereal bowls. When putting them away the green was never allowed to be next to the blue one and the yellow had to be on top as it's a happy colour. Hated it if DH put them away in the wrong order, he thought it was hilarious! All my bowls are the same colour now, less stressful hee hee

I love this thread. It's cheered me right up

if I'm driving towards Halton, I always have to find Aylesbury's County Hall on the skyline (it's a big panoramic view over the Chilterns). Even though i'm driving. Even if it's a misty day. I feel it will be bad luck if i can't spot it..

i show the cat her face in the mirror. She looks all bemused. I've stopped showing my lizard, as he headbutts his reflection

I lick my plate, talk to the cats and talk to myself. When I am pleased with myself (especially after I've been for a jog) I literally pat myself on the back.

I have indoor and outdoor trousers. The indoor ones are elasticated waist with paint splashes.

missy i do that - the talking to inanimate objects, especially food.

If I am cooking and a bit of grated cheese falls on the worktop, or one of the mushrooms looks a bit manky or something, I feel sorry for them and say things like "don't worry Mr Mushrroom, you will be used so you can join your friends". Out loud.

Knickers in hair when there's no bobble? Check.
Mouth open for mascara? Check

Plus:

Breakdance/Streetdance moves whilst wathching my reflection in the glass of the kitchen french doors.

Alan Bennet style monologues in regional accents whilst I potter about the kitchen.

Running commentary of my cooking. In a French accent.

I am a twat.

I tickle my dog's nose to make him sneeze, he just looks so funny! Cheers me up!

Jaded you are fucking brilliant

I frequently interview myself in Patois in the car. Generally pretend to be a leader of a political party or a popstar. God that looks awful written down

I always talk to TV presenters and newsreaders. Whenever they say hi, if I like them I will wave and say 'hi babe', and if I don't like the look of them, I'll say 'oh fuck off, twat' and change the channel. Frequently repeat what is said on TV in a mocking voice if I think they are being ridiculous.

I am SOO normal

I tell the satnav woman off for not saying 'please' ie she says 'take the next left' so i say 'no, because you didn't say please'!

I use wooden spoons to twist my hair up with.

I do weird facial movements to exercise the muscles-usually in the car in traffic, while the people in the next vehicle are staring (which I'm usually oblivious to).

I sing "Put the lime in the coke-you-nut" (the Coca Cola song) whenever I shake things (maracas, pasta etc)

I sing "What shall we do with the drunken sailor" every day to my ds...what's worse is that I do this unusual pirate jig to accompany it. Thankfully my ds is 1 and loves me for it

Oooh, I forgot - yawning at the dog.

Hmmm, You are all nuts . I certainly don't do any of these things, well except...

wear my panties as a shower cap when I forget to bring a hair band in to the shower.

Covers must come up to my neck and arms safely tucked away in case they get stolen. For some reason my head is okay out

Kiss the foam on the top of a glass of coke for good luck.

Talk to myself and respond. Got caught once and had to quickly turn it into a song as passer by stared suspiciously at me.

When DH is away, before I go to bed, I have to check all rooms, cupboards, under beds and behind doors for the neighbourhood killer/rapist. This is done in a ordered, systematic and military fashion with each door shut once room has been cleared.

Oh dear, I am completely irrational, aren't I.

springbok + Jaded

My DSis refers to everything as her friend, so will talk about 'busticketfriend' and 'shoppingbagfriend' etc. As in, 'In you go, into my handbag, ticketfriend!'

In my relationship with DP, I do 'characters' with weird voices. So one is a jazzy cat who meows in a slinky fashion; another is a frog prince who ribbits commands.

If I have to give a lecture later in the day, I often run through it, sometimes accidentally out loud, so on a totally silent morning bus, I will suddenly announce, 'And yet seventeenth-century ideas of virtue of more complex than they might first appear.'

All of my family tell terrible pirate jokes.

Oh, and if I am bored, sometimes I will say the dog's name in an increasingly highpitched voice until she gets so excited she chases her tail. It makes us both happy (I think).

Tokyo oh yes, we're nuts.

Drink gravy off my plate

Argue with the idiots who phone Jeremy Vine, especially all the belligerent ones from Yorkshire.

Negotiate with the dogs like they understand me

Have stand-up arguments with my cat, who is thoroughly unreasonable and way too demanding.

Forgot to mention. In the bath, I always lie down flat so I am fully submerged then count how long I can stay under. In my head i am actualy a free-diver in The Big Blue competing for the longest/deepest free dive ever.

And I am the only woman and about to beat all the men and it's the first time this will ever have happenend. So when I finally burst to the surface of the bath, I often say things like "how did i do?"

And I also breathe in so my tummy looks flat whilst free diving because clearly, I am being filmed.

again.

DH and I 'play' the cashpoint like it's a slot machine, and when the money comes out we cheer and shout 'we won! we won!'

Talk to the cats, and answer myself back on their behalf... sometimes referring to myself in the third person...

I sometiimes find myself unconciously (sp?) following instructuions in novels e.g. 'She smiled and flicked her hair' - I flick my hair while smilling!

Repeat funny sounding words to myself over and over again - out loud. And in work.

Sometimes when I'm walking, I hold my arms ouot and 'fly' like an aeroplane.

Haha- I feel normal now!

I talk to all automated machines "I'm putting it in the bagging area, OK?"

always say hello to the cows when I'm walking the dogs, and ask if they are enjoying their breakfast. In fact, talk to any animal I meet

Have to say "cheese" if I walk under a sign- something we made up in childhood that I can't get rid of

Talk to the kids toys when I am tidying them up ("you know you don't go there- you go there")

Make words from the station name sign if I am waiting at the train station, and tell myself I can't get on the train unless I have come up with X no of words by the time it gets here

Set myself time targets for housework and go mad trying to finish in the allotted time

So glad I'm not the weirdo I thought I was!

What an amazing thread, I may steal this as my status to see what strange things my friends do!

I clean my kitchen in a race against the kettle/microwave.

I say thank you to cash machines/vending machines.

If I'm having a busy day I pretend I'm being filmed for an amazing mum documentary and talk (in my head for the most part) my wy through everything I'm doing.

If someones annoyed me I have out loud conversations of what I should have said to them and their replies are always done in an Eric cartman voice.

When I'm in the shower with music on I pretend I'm in a music video along with lustful looks at the camera as I sensually wash my hair and cross my arms over my boobs.....

Think I'll stop now there's too much and I'm realising I'm a bit odd!

I write 'help me' on the shower door then wipe it off and do it again.

Oh and write redrum on mirrors, just cuz I like the backwards effect. I do this if I'm in someone's bathroom too.

I talk to cars as I am crossing the road. Quite loudly. Didn't realise I did this until the other day and someone thought I was talking to them.

I hum in my throat if I'm alone and walking.

In my head when I am alone and walking I am a fucking rockstar.

I talk to my dead grandparents sometimes when I am in the bath.

I sniff things, I don't know why but I'm not happy using anything (even something I know will smell disgusting) before I sniff it first. This includes new clothes, cleaning products, food, anything really.

Also, if I find something unexpected on my body I give that a sniff too, like maybe pus from an infection, wax from an ear, I know it's horrid but I'm compelled to do it. I also sniff my dirty clothes, just to see how dirty they are. I don't smell anyone else's body fluids/dirty clothes except for DS who I see as an extension of myself and therefore acceptable for sniffing.