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Original poster

Things you learned the hard way not to do again

464 replies

ItsJustAName · 02/03/2011 22:39

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Shock Blush Shock

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol. Grin

OP posts:
Moosemummy · 04/03/2011 08:50

Drying knickers in a saucepan!!!!! Mooncup in saucepan I understand, knickers, nope, you've lost me

OnlyWantsOne · 04/03/2011 09:17

dying

Southwestwhippet · 04/03/2011 09:30

Oh another one learned the hard way

Do not ever run headlong into the garden without first checking that the patio doors are open

SpiderObsession · 04/03/2011 09:53

If you have a gate to a horse field open and a large horse spots it and gallops towards you, let the sod through. A game of gate-chicken will only result in your hand being crushed between the gate and the post by the weight of the disgruntled horse.

At least I won. Grin

StillSquiffy · 04/03/2011 09:57

My father will explain that when doing the very final bit of wallpapering in a room and struggling with the tricky bit around the window sill, it is never a good idea to simply grab the first thing to hand to stand on. Especially when that thing happens to be an empty fishtank.

Not only will you end up in hospital for two weeks, but the blood from the resultant severed achilles will create the most impressive pattern across all the wallpaper you just put up.

dustythedolphin · 04/03/2011 10:36

Drive too fast down unfamiliar country lanes, which are often used by huge tractors = one very dented car Blush

Haven't shut my finger in a car door for several decades, but a friend did slam the car boot shut... onto her nipple Shock

Another friend stripped his kitchen door with paint stripper, forgot to wash his hands, then went for a pee (ouch!)

FourFortyFour · 04/03/2011 10:46

Don't super glue wall paper to the wall as you will super glue your 2 fingers together. Hmm

HerMajestiesSecretCervix · 04/03/2011 10:52

Do not re-set the trip meter on you car by reaching through the steering wheel whilst you are driving around a corner.

It fucking hurts and the embarrassment of explaining just how you broke your arm will stay with you forever.

nobodyimportant · 04/03/2011 10:54

Ah yes, if you have a pony with a history of being difficult to catch, but that has for the last few months been very good, don't assume that it is now safe to leave the gate open when you go into the field to get her...

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 04/03/2011 11:02

I thought of another one - do not hoick on the upper edge of your bra to adjust it without first making sure you have a rock solid grip. It is very embarrassing to have to explain to people that you punched yourself in the eye (hence the bruising), and all in the course of adjusting your underwear...

maltesermuncher · 04/03/2011 11:03

Do not take a spare pair of knickers to work with you to change into before you go for the dreaded smear test.

Do not accidentally and for reasons that are still unclear, put dirty knickers in a plastic bag in your boss's handbag which she then looks in and emits an almightly scream! Blush

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 04/03/2011 11:15

malteser pmsl. Please please please explain why you put your dirty knickers in your boss's handbag?

Loving this thread Grin

Quodlibet · 04/03/2011 11:25

Do not check to see what the jigsaw blade has jammed on by feeling with one hand while the other hand is still pressing the trigger.

Do not fall asleep with the cat sitting on your chest and licking your nose. You will wake up with all the skin removed from your nose.

Do not have vigorous sex on carpetted stairs. The friction burn marks in equally-spaced lines are a bugger to explain.

NormanTheForeman · 04/03/2011 11:30

Do not empty stuff into the outdoor bin in the dark, realise you have dropped something and pick it up without first putting the outdoor light on. It will not be a bit of rubbish, but will be a hedgehog....

Bumblelion · 04/03/2011 11:36

If you use Ariel liquid tabs and one bursts in the plastic box, leaving gel all over the other tablets, do not attempt to rinse off the gel off the other tablets. Result - one huge globby (such a word?) mess.

Skifit · 04/03/2011 11:40

LOok before you leap. . .in all capacities as it were !

Spangers · 04/03/2011 11:47

Do listen to your dad when he says to be careful playing outside as the huge conrete steps are slippy, as you will slip on them and knock your 2 front teeth out.

Don't use your hand to push down the rubbish in the bin, a sharp tuna can lid will cut your palm open nicely.

Don't give your lttle sister a glass milk bottle to use in a water fight because you want the better squirty bottle, she will cut her wrists open and you will spend the lovely sunny afternoon in A&E.

Don't run into a big glass door in a hurry, it will swing right open, hit the barrier and the shock will smash the whole glass frontage of the building you are trying to leave, right on your head.

Spangers · 04/03/2011 11:52

Oh and soap flakes are not a good alternative to dishwasher tablets when you have run out, unless you fancy an impromptu foam party in your kitchen.

maltesermuncher · 04/03/2011 12:04

Workingitout I genuinely don't know how it happened. It was all an embarrassing blur. I can be scatty at the best of times but this takes the Biscuit!

Fortunately we all worked for the NHS so she wasn't too squeamish and found it hilarious. I believe it has been mentioned once or twice since!

Debs75 · 04/03/2011 12:20

Do not close a glazed door that sticks with your hand on the glass, it will smash and you will be in A&E with a sliced wrist.

Always tie your laces before going out.(Doc martens might have looked cool with super long laces but only when fastened) I slammed the door, laces got stuck i fell over. Then do not bang loudly on glass to wakec sis up and smash the glass.

Lucifera · 04/03/2011 12:31

Try to refill a cooker lighter with lighter fuel, spill it all over the outside and then click it to see if it works. Seeing my hand on fire was alarming.

OTheHugeDaffodils · 04/03/2011 12:57

Never use the missionary position when having vigorous sex n the living room carpet. I still have a scar on my sacrum.

Never, as a teenage stablehand, turn out a horse into the field of yearlings without closing the gate. The 30 panicky minutes you then spend chasing sniggering horses up and down the lane will feel like ten years.

And from DP: Never, as a 20-year-old undergraduate, try to save time getting to your tutorial by skipping over low chain fence while wearing winklepickers.

Not only will you lose both front teeth, but 18 years later you will get an infection in one of the veneers, resulting in a pus explosion on the plane back from a client meeting and £2,000 worth of extremely painful dental treatment.

alexandra65 · 04/03/2011 12:59

Do not think, if a drunken haze, that you can climb from one boat to another in a long dress and tiara. You will end up in hospital with a broken and dislocated shoulder.

mellicauli · 04/03/2011 13:03

Everything floats in the Dead Sea, except car keys..

RustyRainbow · 04/03/2011 13:11

Do not put your DSs rubber chicken in your handbag and forget about it. Do not then go and meet a client with said chicken in your handbag - neatly folded in half for maximum spring effect when you open your handbag.