Things you learned the hard way not to do again

[ItsJustAName]

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol.

Rusty I don't agree. I think more people should go to client meetings deliberately planning to release a spring-loaded rubber chicken at them.

- well, it certianly broke the ice....

You can not expect to get away with leaving a 40 stone motorcycle facing down hill in neutral with the engine running while you just hop off to put some letters in the post box.

It wasn't watching it make it's way down the hill, or even the cost of replacing the fairing, 2 indicators and an exhaust that really got to me. It was having to knock on doors to ask neighbours to help me get the 40 stone leviathan upright and facing back uphill again to go home. They still remember hangs head in shame. No one laughed.

Don't step into the garden when it's blowing galeforce winds with a deep tray of hot ash straight out of the Rayburn.

That bath-bomb tainted popcorn that Lush Christmas boxes are packed with is not poisonous to dogs.

God that was a panic, with a killer hangover, at 7am on boxing day morning, with a 10 litre bucket of the stuff missing and very unhappy collie doing the help me, I think I might die big eyes thing.

Darling friends partner is called PHIL. Her psycho druggie ex is called PAUL. Do not get this confused when making calls from her mobile outside of A&E when she's injured herself. Security dealt with it. She forgave me.

Don't turn your head to talk to members of your family over your shoulder while carrying a tray of just-poured-from-the-boiling-saucepan fudge out to the conservatory to cool.

Even if, 15 years later, the resulting scar looks fetchingly like a map of Europe it's not worth the sensation of sugar fusing with the skin of your wrist at 110 degrees C.

Don't use normal white emulsion to paint bathroom floor unless you want to leave white footprints leading from bathroom to rest of house following bath.

Don't snort black pepper, even for a dare...

Blue waffle. Luckily I have already had my lunch.

When draining pasta through a colander, don't do it at the stove. Try holding it over the sink first.

Don't take a serving of bolognese to work in a former houmous pot, and put it in the microwave without decanting first. Plastinated pasta sauce (plasta sauce?) doesn't taste good.

ooh - you've made Classics! Have a

Don't rely on breast feeding as a contraceptive-some sperm are just TOO good at swimming....

With you mcGill!

Don't fall over and land at weird angle, resulting in clamping fleshy bit of thigh in red hot hair straightening irons ooowwwwwww!

McGill, I was really surprised to read on the Kellymom website that breastfeeding can be up to 98% effective as a contraceptive! That sounds totally barmy to me - I never thought it was a contraceptive at all - apart from killing your libido that is

"outnumbered2to1

to put my hand on the hob of the cooker to see if it was still on...... i did only burn the top half of three fingers....."

I did that too!!

I was 6 - and it wasn't on - my mum told me not to touch it because it was still hot, but I said "it doesn't look hot" and put my hand on it, full force.

burnt my entire palm, all shaped like the ring on the cooker!

"PigeonPie Thu 03-Mar-11 15:08:49

Don't sew over your finger with the sewing machine; the needle will break in your finger. Do remember that you bought some long nosed pliers and that you know where they are to take out said bit of needle protruding from finger. Reader - it hurt... and bled!"

not true! it doesn't always break! - although, when it happened to me, i think i was very lucky.
it did two full stitches.
An all anyone cared about was that i didn't get blood on my shirt. (itwas my very first thought too!)

Don't ski through a gap just wider than your shoulders with your ski pole balanced across your open hands.

I was the instructor too

Don't put your 3mnth old DS2 on a changing station full of bathwater and attempt to move it across your bathroom. Said changing station will collapse, DS2 will fall on his head and therefore you will feel like the worst mother in the whole entire history of the universe and you will suffer an appropriate amount of guilt for the rest of your life

Don't throw dirty washing down the stairs to save time - the shame of turing up for work with a pair of knickers in my coat hood.....

Maybe that's another lesson - don't leave your coat on the bannister - put it away in the cupboard!

Do not attempt to indulge in any spray tanning activity in your cream bathroom without first covering your cream shower base, cream bath mat, cream walls...nuff said

Always make sure the milk bottle top is firmly screwed on before you give the bottle a vigorous shake.

[NOTE FOR YOUNGER MNers: in olden days you had to shake the milk to mix in the cream off the top. Over-40s still do this as a matter of course.]

nickelbabe you know, the really stupid thing was that I was an apprentice Savile Row tailor at the time and was experienced and used to the very fast industrial machines! And yes, my first reaction was not to get blood on whatever I was sewing at the time.