Things you learned the hard way not to do again

[ItsJustAName]

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol.

I'm 37 and i do that too Limburgs.

Do not open your heavy van boot a little way while reaching to get something (top opening type) and give the attached strap absent mindedly to your 4 year old - they will go into orbit

One from my sister here - do not get so drunk as a teenager that, when getting ready for bed, you fall asleep on the toilet. Naked.

Especially bad if you're a bit of a prude, which she is

Dammit - that was supposed to be my first strike-through. Bah.

Back in the ciggie smoking days, pulling up my bra strap with the hand
holding fag. Resulting burn on my cheek was very attractive.

Do not ever put your finger in the way of a serrated bike wheel. The scar will be permanent!

That reminds me of another. Do not try to prove to your Dad that the brakes on your pushbike have failled by riding it down a hill.

Check the can before spraying hairspray under your arms instead of deodorant.

fluffy oh yes, have done that many a time before an early shift. I sometimes do it with mousse instead for a change Spraying deodorant on your hair is also fun, if you like the grey-haired/acute dandruff look.

Start a game of throwing pebbles into the pond with your little sister.

She was two and forgot to let go. Went in after the pebble. Mum had to fish her out.

Was February so pretty chilly from all accounts.

Everyone blue with cold and not too happy.
Mother probably relieved all was well though.
And nice man invited us round to his nearby flat to warm up and call taxi.

From a nameless acquaintance of mine: DO NOT keep your denture glue next to the toothpaste.

Do not sleep in friends new bed while BF a new baby and not wear a bra and pads. the milky morning mess will be embarrising and her DH will not be very amused!!

Pigeon - i, too, was using a high-speed industrial machine (it was during my HND)

My first thought was the blood, the technician's first thought was the needle, which everyone laughed at, because they didn't realise she was checking to see if any had broken off in my finger.
I was extremely jammy for the needle to have not broken - I just happened to have pulled my finger away at just the right time!

Neither should you keep denture fix next to the vagisil.

Not good when the error is in either direction.

I'm reliably informed.

Do not rely on spellcheck to make sure that everything is correct for a teaching interview....

You will then sit there reading out your handout to a small group of students (whilst being observed), and inadvertently read out "You need to know how tit is used....."

Then followed your attempt at curbing your hysterical laughter, whilst students looked at you like you'd grown 3 heads.

Still got the job though!

Don't (unless you never want it forgotten) walk into a room where your heavily pregnant wife is, with a spear gun, channel Moby Dick and say...

"have you seen the great white whale?"

Thanks DH

Also, from a friend... park your brand new car in front of a wall, leave it in gear as recommended, then turn the key to show off the engine noise. There was a very painful and rather expensive crunch.

When you see a woman on the bus wearing the same unusual headscarf as you, do not smile inanely and point at hers in some misguided gesture of kinship.

You'll be horrified when you later see your reflection in the bus window and realise that you changed yours for the plain black one before you left the house

Do not say, in a drunken moment 'I don't care what you find in my handbag, it won't be embarrassing'

Only to find one of the group rummaging through said handbag, and discovering a month's supply of the pill ('are these aspirin, Quattro?') and a popgun.

Am howling at this thread. The hedgehog-mistaken-for-rubbish actually made me cry!

Yesterday I learned not to, in the excitement of getting new OU course materials, shut a new ring binder without checking your little finger is not still in it.

Do not, aged nine, on a jolly family walk on a blustery autumn day, allow your Dad to pop discretely behind a cairn for a wee without checking the direction of the wind.

His wee will blow over the cairn, and form a fine spray, which will land on you and your entire family. While you are eating your sandwiches.

Do not vacuum around the fireplace when it is lit.

You will suck up a hot coal and set fire to the hoover.

Do not test your 6month old's new found mobility by seating her in her Bumbo on top of the kitchen counter while you fill up the dishwasher.

Try not to have a heart attack when said previously immobile child has somehow managed to fling herself out of the Bumbo onto tiled kitchen floor (from what is a great height to a six month old) as she screams blue murder.

Especially try not to kill the A and E receptionist who upon greeting your now quiet wimpering child announces 'She looks ok to me!!!!!'

Still fills me with shame and guilt to remember it :(

why why they said dont google boak

Haven't read the thread but.....

don't sweep out of house after huge row with parent feeling pleased you got in there with the last word.

When they die before you have made it up, you feel bloody horrible (understatement)

Pants!

Have just browsed some of the thread and it's light hearted, sorry I didn't realise!!

Erm - don't Veet when drunk?! Ouch.