LOOK!! READ !!!!!!

[Hbouquet]

THIS MUMSNET WEBSITE IS THE BIGGEST GATHERING OF VULGAR, CLASS OBSESSED, SELFISH, INSECURE, VILE EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE, I PITY YOUR CHILDREN.

LISTEN TO YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT CHILD ALLOWANCE, £44,000 IS STILL WAY TOO HIGH!!, HAVE YOU NOT SPARED A THOUGHT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY IN REAL POVERTY?, WHO REALLY NEED STATE HELP....NO, YOU JUST DRIVE PAST IN YOUR 4X4'S WITH YOUR SPOILT, OBESE, ALLERGY RIDDEN SMUG KIDS ON THE WAY TO GET YOUR CHAI LATTE AND M&S PANINI FOR LUNCH, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THE BLINKERED IGNORANCE AND SELFISHNESS OF MODERN DAY WOMEN IN ENGLAND, LIVING YOUR ENCLAVE LIKE LIFESTYLE, TOTALLY DETACHED FROM HUMANITY, INSECURE 'IM ALRIGHT JACK' MENTALITY, BITCHY, SCHEMING, CLASS OBSESSED, MATERIAL OBSESSED, YOU REALLY MAKE ME SICK TO THE CORE, THE LOT OF YOU.

JUST LOOK AT THE FACES OF THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THIS WEBSITE, LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, DO YOU SEE LOVE AND HUMAN WARMTH?......NO, YOU SEE CONTORTED, COLD, MEAN, MISERLY FACES, EYES AND MOUTH SCREWED UP, FALSE LOOKING CONTRIVED EXPRESSIONS, A LOOK WHICH SHOWS THESE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE, SELF LOATHING, UNHAPPY, INSECURE WORST OF THE WORST, LIFES REAL LOOSERS.

I'M OFF TO BED NOW YOU BUNCH OF SELF-OBSESSED TWISTED-FACED VIPEROUS VACUOUS BITCHES. BIG GOODNIGHT CUDDLES ALL ROUND.

Don't forget to do a line of coke before you go

PerArdua - I will tell Coco (brown lab and destroyer of poo spades) that she has amused you.

Just to clarify (because one must always clarify one's poo-spade references) - the original poo spade was actually a wooden-handled trowel used to scoop up the dog's poos (before the disgusting hound could eat them) - but unfortunately Coco ate it - well, she ate the handle, and the trowel bit was too difficult to use without the handle.

So we purchased a new poo-spade - a long-handled metal poo spade. It had two advantages - it was long handled, therefore less bending was neccessary during de-crapping of the garden; and the trowel and handle were metal, and therefore, we hoped, indestructible by any bad dogs who happened to find it.

But the poo-spade has vanished. It is nowhere to be seen. We have searched the garden fairly carefully, and yet have not found it - so either she has eaten it too, or she has hidden it very carefully indeed!

Dh has reminded me that the missing poo-spade may well be with the bread knife, which has also been stolen, purloined and otherwise removed from the kitchen by a person or persons unknown (but probably brown and furry) and which has never been found either!

From chai latte to poo spade. Not such a big reach (but then I vomit at the thought of milky tea)

oh oh oh - I have to rescind my previous comment about this being boring - it was then but not now! What a fab read to wake up to - poor OP, talk about backfire.

And boffinsmum I did cry laughing at your friend! Hope she doesn't offer anyone else 'punani' on a plate!

SDTG - your lab is more of a goat than a dog, no?

I think all labs have some goat in them, to be honest, thumbwitch!

love this thread and on balance think that the op was a mumsnetter

HAVE WE ALL FINISHED SHOUTING?

Damn.

By the way, do Lakeland do poo-spades?

When I saw the thread tittle I thought this thread was going to be about a new way of teaching kids to read, or a '70's TV program for schools...or was that "Look and Read"?

Oh, and how does one pronounce the chai in chai latte....I feel the need to go and order one.

and! I wish someone had told me that I just needed to shout in my OP to go on MN classic!!!

Lynette - imagine saying it at the same time as seeing your dp knobbing the maid .

Chai - with a a distasteful nose wrinkle.

The poo spade came from B&Q.

Daftpunk - no, not harleyd.

But yeah I remember it, was a good thread - bit like this one in that it took on a life of its own and was very, very funny.

There was a post from Boco on it which probably still stands as the funniest thing I've ever read on here - something to do with a MN streetfighting, gabba, extreme fetishists meet-up if I remember rightly.

Its probably one of those threads people remember but dont realise the op went on to become you.

It was a fantastically funny thread actually.

It got to 1000 posts in one day ( I think?)

And It went on for about a month, spin off threads all over the place, it was all getting too much. I had to namechange and become a nobody, try to quietly disappear into the background.

Think I pulled it off......

Oh definitely!
You've pulled off the wallflower act with aplomb

Oh Porncocktail I'm so with you. I woke the baby up three times last night with my spluttering and snorting, as I read this thread . I had to resort to 'Muttley' laughing and meeps of laughter in the end!

I doubt very much the OP is a mumsntetter as the Chai Latte was a rooky mistake, anyone that's been on here for any length of time knows not to mention food. Infact I'm going to petition MN to put a warning on the top for new posters, something along the lines of:

WARNING - Mumsnet is predominantly populated by women and therefore the careless and casual mention of consumables is highly ill-advised. Know effects are: Reasearching Food Whittery Idle Food ChitChat Group Nom-Noming and in extreme cases, *Toatl Thread Derailment. Proceed with caution.

Actually it's one panino two paninis

Bugger the typo's!! Keyboard is sticky, probably my bloody porky kids on it whilst greedily stuffing their faces with M&S sweeties!......Ooooh Mmmm Percy Pigs [distracted emoticon].

So Sam Cam's on Mumsnet then.

actually it's one panino two panini. No 's' required.

BTP I don't know the tune :(