Make me laugh - what's the most cringey embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?

[FellatioNelson]

You know, the kind of thing where you develop a weird kind of social Tourettes and you just do or say something really idiotic for no good reason and everyone looks at you like or , and then shuffles politely and looks at their shoes. Or it all goes quiet and you want to die. Or just silly, funny, preferably humiliating stuff that has happened to you. Of you go...

Ooh. Can't really! Think along the lines of the age/era and level of fame as Ray Davis of the Kinks, or Steve Winwood, or similar.

Was in one of THE most famous bands of the 60's.

Davey Jones
Eric Clapton
Robert Plant
Paul Rogers

I'll keep going until you blush.....

Psammead for about the first time ever I have just cried laughing!

Andrew Fairweather Low
Spencer Davis
Jeff Lynne
Tom Petty

Paul Jones
Mick Jagger

Yes, you asre close enough already thanks! Blaardy hell - I knew this would happen! Should have kept my mouth shut!

Allan Clarke
Mike D'Abo
Mick Fleetwood
Roger Daltrey

Okay, i'll stop now....

Roger Walters
Dave Gilmour?

I think Dee's BJ Dad thought he was dreaming and then maybe didn't care!

I'm impressed impressed with your quickfire 60's knowledge though - you must be VERY old!

I'll answer this thread as if I was my old boss. Ahem... OK, I'm in character...

"I should start this story by telling you all that I don't wear underwear, or trousers, ever, due to the terrible herpes I suffer from. (I got drunk after work during my assistant's first week at work, and explained this to her. And showed her my vibrator which I carry in my handbag at all times. It had fallen out of my bag that morning on the bus and rolled down the aisle so I was telling a story about it, not just waving it about randomly).

So, one time I was walking down Euston Road with my assistant and all the lorries were beeping their horns. We didn't really think anything of it until an old lady ran up and unhooked the back of my skirt from my satchel strap over my shoulder. Everyone driving past had seen my arse for the last 10 minutes or so since we left work.

Another time I was stood in the middle of the room giving a speech when my tampon literally fell right out. No, I'm sorry, no, not out of my pocket no..."

You know, I could carry on all day with stories about her. I wonder what she's up to these days, must send her a text.

• Only 37 but my CD collection mostly goes from '67 - '74......

hmmm i cant think of anything although when i first me DH i took him to the pub to meet my mum (she was out on a friday night with her mates and she said that my new bloke would be ok if he bought her a pint)

After a couple of drinks she was at the bar and was saying to her friend how 'good looking' he was and that she wouldnt kick him out of bed

At that point she shouted at the top of her voice in a pack town pub

'Lisa - have you shagged him yet?, cos il let you know what he's like and he doesnt know what hes missing' Whilst lifting up her top revealing her boobs'

I was motified!!!!

Oh my gosh, I have one. I was introduced to one of the returning uni students at Church (his parents attend the church).

He was the atypical geeky type, skinny as a rake, black rimmed glasses and very much academic sounding.

We got chatting and I asked him his name, he goes 'Ed'. I said 'Oh whats that short for?' and he said 'Edwardo' and me inwardly thinking went 'seriously your Mum called you Edwardo'. I went very very red and stammered an apology, luckily he laughed. But oh my word, I managed to insult him and his Mother in one breath.

He then went onto tell me that he had been born in South America and that it was a very common name out there.

If the world could have ended right then and there I would have been happy.

PortBlacksand Ah, well in that case it would be mean not to tell you, and it would be outside most people's radars anyway. Go to your first list and think 3 man band, bassist and lead vocals. Don't name him though!

When I was much younger and working abroad, my boss was in my office (quite open plan with a few of us in there) talking about a bbq he was having later, and saying he needed to get some of those scented candles, trying to work out what the name of the scent was. I piped up with "oh it's really bugging me, what is it? Got it, it's chlamydia ..." queue quite a long silence followed by boss making quick exit

Lol @ Chlamydia instead of citronella

I had been working on a big computer procurement exercise and we had a meeting of all the senior managers so we could present our decision (exciting life )

In front of 70 grey suited middle aged men I was supposed to talk about the 'weighted ranking' exercise and instead I said "I have performed a full 'rated wanking' exercise"

I have a rather embarrassing habit of always saying that a baby has conceived by HIV.

When we got married I didnt want a receiving line but MIL dh insisted. I was really really nervous about it.

Cue this scenario

Guest: congratulations
Me: congratulations + much nodding of head
guest:

I did this not once, not twice but to every one of teh 80 guests . I knew I was doing it after the first time but I just couldnt stop myself and if they didnt say 'congratulations' and said 'you look amazing' I repeated 'you look amazing' back to them, even if it was MIL's 90year old male neighbour.

Still cringing.

I had just started a new job. 2nd week in I went to a meeting with new colleagues who I had never met. They were wondering if my boss was going to attend the meeting.

I said " I spoke to him on the phone yesterday and he was making noises as though he was coming".

Errr no, they never let me forget it.

I do things like that all the time namehelp. In fact I remember someone in my greeting line saying Congratulations to me, and I said 'Oh, that's alright!' or 'You're welcome' or some such nonsense. I open my mouth to say one thing and something similar but wrong comes out.

The other thing I do when I'm nervous is prompt what I think people should be saying to mbe. So I'll hand someone a drink and say 'thanks for that'.

This is VERY VERY funny.
I know I have some, but am laughing so much, can't think straight.

No doubt will come to me in the middle of the night, only time I get any inspiration!

I'm not sure if this is embarrassing to anyone else, but it still makes me sweat at 3am in the morning...

First few days at Uni, trying to be cool and confident with new group of friends.

Had a cold, so blew my nose before I went into lunch in the dinner hall (we were in halls of residence).

Someone knocked on the door, so quickly dropped tissue in the bin and went to lunch - queued up with everyone, asked for egg and chips, chatted pleasantly for a few minutes, uuntil one of my "new" friends, said hesitantly

"umm, you've got an ummm...thingey on your eyebrow?"

Cue me saying casually "what? oh it'll just be mascara"

"No, it's a big... thingey "

Put my hand up and felt this sticky stuff. Yep, a huge green lump of snot had stuck itself just above my eyebrow. It was enormous and all crusty and green, and .I honestly hadn't felt it attach itself when I blew my nose.

Rushed to the toilet, bright red and removed it...still get teased about it today...

anonymousbird you'l wake up at 2am and think oooh thats a good one, il put that on MN in the morning.

Was in a local shop and saw some paintings for sale that I thought were not very good.

Went home and said to my flatmate, an artist "Well, if that artist can sell pictures then anyone can, they are totally crap."

Yup, they were hers, under a pseudonym.