Make me laugh - what's the most cringey embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?

[FellatioNelson]

You know, the kind of thing where you develop a weird kind of social Tourettes and you just do or say something really idiotic for no good reason and everyone looks at you like or , and then shuffles politely and looks at their shoes. Or it all goes quiet and you want to die. Or just silly, funny, preferably humiliating stuff that has happened to you. Of you go...

I think I had an incident with Demented's evil twin brother.

Met a bloke, brought him back to Student flat, dimly and drunkenly thinking it might be an issue that my flat mate's mum was staying over, but no matter.

The bloke was most disappointing and we falls asleep. Woke up by what I thought was perhaps a wet dream on his part, but as it goes on being wet and warm it is in fact him weeing himself in my bed! I woke him up and said words to the effect of "What are you doing? You have wet my bed." V. Groggy, he goes to the loo, grabbing my 3/4 length coat as he goes. I heard a door go, then silence. I thought he'd gone out on the streets of Glasgow at 4am in nothing but a woman's coat, then I heard a moaning sound from the other room. I rushed round to find him standing naked in my flat mate's room with her and her mum sitting bolt up right in bed. I had missed him going in and flamboyantly flinging my coat across the room.

He couldn't understand why I wanted him to leave.

And flatmate's mum stayed for lunch the next day.

I'm still ashamed of mine now. My mum used to work with a lovely woman who she is still friends with now, who had tried for years to have children with no success. She eventually adopted a baby girl and was the happiest we had ever seen her- until the birth mother changed her mind before the final papers were signed and she had to give her up, which obviously broke her heart. When my own daughter was born a few years later she even gave me a little cuddly toy that had belonged to her baby. I took dd1 into my mums work to show her off when she was a few days old, and this woman couldn't have been nicer. "I bet it feels really strange having this new little life to look after all of a sudden," she said to me as I cradled my bundle of joy. "Yes," I replied, "I keep waiting for somebody to tap me on the shoulder and take her back off me!" Aaaaaaargh why did I have to say that?. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. The woman made a strangled little squeaking noise and said she'd better get back to work...

Yea

When I was about 16 the guy I fancied at my Saturday job was doing the crossword. I was most insistent that the name of the mountain range he was looking for was the urinals (urals)!

Also on meeting my future in laws for the first time it came up in conversation that I knew one of dh's brothers. When million asked me if I knew the other I replied "no I haven't made it a hat trick yet" ... no wonder we've never got on!

"I rushed round to find him standing naked in my flat mate's room with her and her mum sitting bolt up right in bed. I had missed him going in and flamboyantly flinging my coat across the room. "

Oh, and to make it worse, I recounted this tale of the most awful foot-in-mouth moment of my life in front of two friends of my parents, a few years later. They had four children, so I assumed they would never have encountered having to relinquish a much-wanted adopted baby, right? Wrong. "Yes, the same thing happened to us in 1972, before our eldest was born..."

Just shoot me.

Oh have just remembered worst one ever. Met a colleague of dh's while out shopping, we'd both just had babies and I commented on the large (9 yr) age difference between her dc's.
My dh hissed at me as we walked away " It's a big age gap cos her first husband died"

{sad] Not your fault though BOF. Not stupidity - just bad luck! Well alright, I grant you the first one was a bit stupid.

Oh BOF - I bet the reason you said it was because a tiny corner of your mind was shouting "DON'T make a flippant comment about having the baby taken away, just DON'T"

BTW are you PoM? Why do you keep name changing?

That's what I was just thinking!

But, deemented, who on earth did the Dad think it was???????

well exactly - at best it was an intruder, at worst his son's girlfriend

ahh just looked back - you weren't a girlfriend, in which case he thought you were an intruder - slightly better!

I'm name-changing just to be a bit less searchable- I will stick to BOF themes though!

As green student, away from home and in London on my own, I got a job as a barmaid. Gorgeous man used to come in regularly and finally he asked me out. I thought "life" had arrived. We went for meal then club, I got rid of him without too much of struggle on doorstep (I was only 18!).

In pub next night dying to tell someone. Two girls I'd got chatting to came in, so I told them all about it and then pointed him out. And said "He's really lovely".

And she said......."I know, that's why I married him"

THANK GOD I HADN'T DESCRIBED HOT NIGHT IN BED.

I haven't got a clue who he thought i was I don't think he gave that much thought, he was too busy enjoying it, i think...

Padmehum

I sent a filthy text to my boss and another one telling him I'd started my period. His name is next to Dp's in my phone you see.........

I was once upgraded on a flight from Mexico to Brazil and was sat next to a chap who throughout the flight was signing pieces of paper. We got talking and I asked what he did for a living and he said he was a drummer. My mind went blank in terms of musical genres and all I could think of was "Is it a mariachi band?". He just smiled and said no

A flight attendent told me with great excitement when I went to the loo I was sitting next the South American equivalent of Phil Collins. The 'papers' he was signing were in fact autographs requested by passengers.

Mariachi band!

Hahaaaaaaa

ah, I see why that was embarrassing

Lamplighter - I should imagine that was probably quite refreshing him for him actually.

One of my son's best friend's father is/was a very famous rock star. Not exactly a household name to anyone under 40, unless you are a rock music anorak, but he's definitely Rock Royalty to those who care about such things.

He came to my house to pick up his son and we were chatting. He said he was just off to the US to tour, and pulled a face like he wasn't really looking forward to it. I said (stupidly) 'Ah, well I suppose you need to keep at it - keep up the exposure!' He did this at me and said 'Actually no, I'm long past needing exposure, I just need the money!'

I felt deeply stupid TBH. he is one of those artsits who is always name checked in the top 50 albums/bands/musicians ever in history, and and always mentioned as an influence on younger musicians, has met and worked with just about anyone legendary you can thing of!

Cries

Was invited to a party awhile ago. Very highbrow and everyone seemed to know each other with lots of private in jokes.

This nice man seemed to realize that I didn't know a soul, so he kept trying to draw me into the conversation. The conversation turned to fashion, and I commented that this man's bald head was very chic. The entire room was silent.

He said, 'it was the chemotherapy...'

Fortunately he was quite good humored about it and pointed out that the eyebrows were the key, or rather lack of.

DH ran the seafood bar at Gatwick for a while so he got all the rich celebs coming in for caviar. he rarely recognised any of them as he doesn't care about all that stuff! many people were really happy just to be treated like normal, but there were a few arsey ones.

on the subject of stupid things, when working in a bar DH did make the mistake of telling a bunch of women they couldn't have a certain rudely-named cocktail because they had no cream. "you can't have a Screaming Orgasm without cream..."

bless him.

lololol

Obama you poor sod

Name and shame the arsey ones MathsMad...

....or didn't he know who they were?

ooh FN please give us a hint - initials?