Make me laugh - what's the most cringey embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?

[FellatioNelson]

You know, the kind of thing where you develop a weird kind of social Tourettes and you just do or say something really idiotic for no good reason and everyone looks at you like or , and then shuffles politely and looks at their shoes. Or it all goes quiet and you want to die. Or just silly, funny, preferably humiliating stuff that has happened to you. Of you go...

deemented!!!

I know

But he was very very nice about it and let me buy him drinks for the rest of the night

Towards the end of my labour the registrar had to take a blood sample from baby's head...

Her: I'm just going to insert my instrument. Take a deep breath, it's rather large...

Me: Helpless giggles. Followed by breathlessness. It didn't help that my mum was laughing too.

This is going to out me in RL I know it.

I was once so drunk no cab would take me and my friends home, so we decided to walk the 4 or so miles. 2 miles in I decided a needed a wee so at friends suggestion I popped behind a bush, well it didn't register I also needed to poo so while crouching and weeing I started pooing. I got poo on my White trousers but was so drunk I found it hilarious, my friends were also laughing.

I attempted to wipe my self with the tiny bit of tissue in my bag, stood up and stepped in my own shit. I then had to walk home with poo on my trousers on my feet (I was wearing sandals) and if I am honest on my hands. Still found it funny at this point. Got home collapsed in bed, my poor mum came into my room at about 2pm to find a pair of shitty sandals on the floor and my pooey trousers on the chair. She woke me up and ordered me into the bath. for the rest of college I was known as the girl who shit herself.

OMG- I remember you!

Only joking

I may have to change my name to poogirl if I am outted.

I once loudly said to a guy I worked with, 'Look at the size of your lunchbox! It's enormous!' I was talking about his actual lunchbox and it was a mighty piece of Tupperware but I never, ever lived it down.

Hilarious thread!!

OK I'm a total newbie to this site but I will reveal my most horric moment

I went for a longed for and much needed for soak in the bath...I dont get many of them without knocks on the door with various ages of children needing a wee or worse....

I climb into luxurious bubble bath and luxuriate for 5 minutes before there is a knock on the door...its hubby

'can I come in to wash my hands'

I get out of the bath to open the door...he washes hands and leaves.

I settle back in the bath and go about the usual routine with the razor...pits...legs...

next thing the door flies open while I'm legs akimbo sitting on the side of the bath shaving my ...erm...hot dog bun...and my sons bset mate (20) is in the doorway....I had forgotten to lock the door when hubby had left and the poor lad is now scarred for life

The first time I met my step father to be (I was an adult) we were having a conversation about his musical interests.

I asked him if he had a big organ. Dear god.

Erk!

I am pissing my self at the hot dog bun reference.

That was to amaterasu, but Unholy, have one yourself!

These are brilliant. Obviously I have never embarrassed myself ever, so sadly am unable to contribute.

BoF I don't believe you!

Valleyqueen..I'm still like that too ..can't help it when I remember the poor lads face ...and I still have to see it every day when he drops my lad off from work....makes me laugh that he cant look me in the face ...poor bastard

Thanks BoF, but I have my own

Oh, actually I have thought of one. When DS was about 2 we were at the park and he wanted to go on the swings. So I took the half finished packet of chocolate buttons he was eating (sugar as bribery? - never. ) and stuck them in my back pocket.

We spent a lovely afternoon at the park, got the bus home, stopped for a bit of shoppping etc etc.

You guessed it. The forgotten chocolate buttons had melted in my pocket and I had been walking around for a couple of hours looking like I'd shat myself.

I went to my cousins wedding ..was horrirfied at not being a bridesmaid...so sat in the pews like a big nobody in my white trouser suit for a good hour (catholic wedding jobby) and stood up to reveal a lovely bloody patch of periodness that I hadnt been expecting and spent the rest of the day with hubbys jacket tied around my waist and everyone pointing and staring...I was the belle of the ball afterall

Omg Amaterasu that would have me running home.

lol valleyqueen I have become quite shameles over the years as my family really should be on the the show Shameless....I used to work in my folks shop in Liverpool....we used to sell vintage clothes and accessories...one day this Japanese guy came into the shop and said to my dad ...Herro ..do you have any cuffrinks ...my dad is a bit hard of hearing and couldnt understand him...My dad shouted to me me ..."hey Jen can you help this Jap" ...I shouted back...OMG thats so racist....what my dad had shouted was ..."hey Jen can you help this CHAP"...I was fooking mortified

That made me spit my baileys on to my iPhone.

Do I now owe you a noo iPhone?

That reminds me of watching a clip of an Aussie investigative reporting show, where the reporter shows up to doorstep a 'racist' landlord who had let his house in the paper with an advert stating "No Asians". The poor old fella was getting a right ear-bashing from the reporter until it was realised that he had actually wanted the ad to say "No Agents"

Bof!

Here it is