Make me laugh - what's the most cringey embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?

[FellatioNelson]

You know, the kind of thing where you develop a weird kind of social Tourettes and you just do or say something really idiotic for no good reason and everyone looks at you like or , and then shuffles politely and looks at their shoes. Or it all goes quiet and you want to die. Or just silly, funny, preferably humiliating stuff that has happened to you. Of you go...

No, but that's just given me an idea for a Mills and Boon plot.

Are you sure he didn't cock you secretly, Fellatio?

@ cocked, Freudian slip maybe?

What happened to my bold there?

I'm starting to wish he had now. That really would be something to tell. Going for a rouitne pregnany appointment and shagging the doctor! I'm going to google him now.

, that's strange. Perhaps BigTech has banned MN regognition of cock talk?

Oh FFS!!!!! I meant 'clocked' obviously

Port but this version is sooooo much better!

My worst was drink related. Went out with my neighbour to watch a local band as we like the same music. She is the same as age as my mum (so was about 38), and I was about 18 at the time and living at home. Whilst we were out, I drank a lot - the most I have ever had to drink - and was obviously worse for wear so my neighbour suggested a cup of coffee before going home. I was waiting for some coffee and felt a bit hot so went to sit at the back door to get some air to find my neighbour's duck that used to roam around the garden, quacking and pecking my foot. I tried to shoo it away but suddenly vomited all over it. The next day I went over to wash the step and the duck only to find my friend, the neighbour's daughter laughing as she had been in bed and had been woken up by a "nosie like a monster" in the garden - I had to apologise as that was me....they still like me though!

Another one is a friend of mine - we went to a house party, that went pear shaped and we ended up in a field with other party goers ({confused] we had a few drinks, were still a tiny bit underage so couldn't go to a pub and thought it would be a good idea) when my friend announced she needed a wee - so off we walk in the field. She tells me she has never peed in a field before and I instruct her and tell her not to wee on her own underwear etc. She was a bit tipsy and wandered back over to me after finishing to say she had lost her underwear! God only knows why she took it off, but we searched and couldn't find it in the dark! The next morning I saw her and she explained that somehow she had stretched one leg and pulled them right up round her waist!! I still wonder why she didn't notice

No, Pixie, only the breastfeeding a dog, I think. Do go on...

Okay, this thread is so funny I have had to join (been naughtily lurking for some time) to show my thorough appreciation of everyone's ridiculousness!

Fairycake I did the EXACT same thing! Had been chatting to Big Issue seller when suited city-chap gave her twenty quid, cue me: "That's not bad, you can knock off early and go home now!" (cringe)

judytzuke As far as hairdressers go, my Gran has never lived down the day she (ever so proudly) announced to us all that she had been to visit "that new bisexual hairdresser"...I can only assume she meant UNIsex...

The knickers-in-a-field one reminds me of a joke:

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had become over-enthusiastic with drinks. They needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend was wearing an expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to use that. .
The next day one husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her bum that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'

I can't believe that I told my dentist that I'd be happy for him to "fill my big hole". I just tried to pretend it had no sexual connations at all,as I think he did, whilst wishing the ground would open up and swallow me!

Pixie that has made me cry with laughter.

No,it is fab.Now as well as picturing you with your lovely brood of beautifully named offspring,when i see your postings I will imagine you as a pixie on a pig! its just brilliant.Imagine if you had been naked,that would have been a lot worse.

Pixie, please marry me and teach my kids to ride pigs.

i mean animal cruelty you irresponsible harlot, tut tut.

Went to see The Rocky Horror Show with a group of friends and friends of friends. We were all dressed up, and one bloke was dressed as Dr. Scott, complete with wheelchair ect.

Anyway, it was in full swing and we were all dancing away and i kept saying to this bloke in the wheelchair 'Come on get up and dance' I was quite insistent. Several times.

In the end he finally said 'Look, i'm really sorry, but i can't' and threw back the blanket that was on his lap to reveal that his legs had been amputated at the knee...

I can't stop chuckling out loud at this thread -especially the " people go to any old shite" and the woman naked in the metre cupboard!
I've told this one before but not on here I don't think.

I was once on a noisy BA flight and the young nervous steward handed out the lunch which was a prawn noodle salad -When I realised I turned to him and said "Hi.. I'm a vegetarian " with the salad bowl in my hand, Presuming he would swap it.
He just looked at me as If I was mad and said back rather awkwardly "Hi there, I'm a Capricorn" and smiled politely and continued onto the next row.

My colleague and I were in hysterics for the rest of the flight as the poor guy obviously thought I was just making pointless conversation and was telling him I was a sagitarian!
Poor guy kept going red every time he went passed and we couldn't stop giggling.