Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Make me laugh - what's the most cringey embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?

499 replies

FellatioNelson · 16/07/2010 11:33

You know, the kind of thing where you develop a weird kind of social Tourettes and you just do or say something really idiotic for no good reason and everyone looks at you like or , and then shuffles politely and looks at their shoes. Or it all goes quiet and you want to die. Or just silly, funny, preferably humiliating stuff that has happened to you. Of you go...

OP posts:
ElectricSoftParade · 17/07/2010 20:17

About 5 days after having my daughter things did not feel right "down there", so made an appointment with my GP.

Got there and explained what was happening and got on to the bed so he could examine me. He put his gloves on, put the KY stuff on the fingers and moved the light so he could see what was going on and inserted his fingers with his head very close to "that area".

"Mrs ESP, it feels like you have a slight prolapse, please cough for me".

I coughed and promptly FARTED FULL ON IN HIS FACE. He made a slight wimpering noise and moved quickly away while I burned with shame.

He is still our GP and every time I see him I am sure he thinks "OH SHIT! Fartypants is back!!"

LimaCharlie · 17/07/2010 21:06

I was only 5 at the time but my Uncle had brought his new girlfriend on a visit. All sat round in living room making small talk that I decide to join in

Me: "Jo, I like you"
Jo: "Do you? Thats nice"
Me: "Yes, I like your nose it's REALLY big. I've never seen a nose as big as yours. Can I touch it please?"

Jo if you're a mumsnetter I apologise humbly

funkychunkymunky · 17/07/2010 21:09

Some of these are soooo funny! I haven't laughed so much for ages.

I made the classic gaff in A level biology. I said it's a single celled orgasmanism It took a long time to live that down.

My whole family were in a restaurant with my mum who was a bit tipsy. She was saying that it was her and my dad's 30th wedding anniversary coming up and she really wanted a classic present off my dad of a pearl necklace. My sister and I started laughing and saying you mean a string of pearls. She started getting louder saying "no I want your dad to give me a pearl necklace, what's wrong with wanting a pearl necklace for your pearl wedding anniversary" lots of people turned and stared. Oh the shame She had no idea what she was saying wrong.

BitOfFun · 17/07/2010 21:11

Do you mean organism? You are still a bit nervous of that word, aren't you?

LimaCharlie · 17/07/2010 21:12

Oh and not me but a friend - she was alone in the house, naked slapping on fake tan using the hall mirror.

There's a knock at the door and because of the layout of the hall, she hops into the hall cupboard so she can't be seen to wait for whoever it is to go away.

Only they don't, cos at that moment her DH arrives home and lets the meter reader in. Cue meter reader opening cupboard door and out pops naked friend with a cheery "oooh hello!" and scurries off

CheekyLittleSox · 17/07/2010 21:17

OMG ESP i was sat watching BB with DH reading this on other sofa, Starting PMSL and DH looking at me like i had gone mad! Lol

That made me laugh

BitOfFun · 17/07/2010 21:23

Lima- that one is priceless

funkychunkymunky · 17/07/2010 21:26

Nope I said orgasmanism. As in orgasm then corrected myself and said anism on the end to pretend I'd said organism.

T'was truly shameful.

BitOfFun · 17/07/2010 21:31

Ah sorry. You're right though, it's almost worse

gemmasetters · 17/07/2010 22:01

LimaCharlie - your second post - I am laughing so much I AM going to be sick!

happilyeverafter · 17/07/2010 22:18

Mine very recent, still mortified.

Moving office space, contractor very hunky young stud who asked me out as I left new site one day. I uttered a polite/professional refusal and thought had handled it in dignified manner.

On moving day friend/coworker commented on hunky young stud and if was single. I replied I thought he was as "he asked me out, I said no but had I not been with DH I would have mounted him on the spot"

Few minutes later hunky stud, other workmen and another colleague wander through smirking. I'd mistaken the door release button for the intercom and broadcast the conversation to the whole building.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 17/07/2010 22:22

happilyeverafter, your post has made me weep with laughter

FellatioNelson · 17/07/2010 22:46

GeekoftheWeek Ah, yes, the old 'go out in ugly big knickers and don't trim your fanjo hair' trick, as a form of self-enforced chasisty - I've tried it myself. Several times. It doesn't really work does it?

LeQueen and ESP (that fart story was hilarious BTW) you have both just reminded me of another cracker:

Best friend used to live near a teaching hospital and took to hanging out with lots of dishy junior doctors. One of them had a very memorable name - but for these purposes let's call him Joe Bloggs.I never actually met him at the time, but she used to talk about him so often I started to feel like I knew him. He was training in Obs and Gynae.

Fast forward a few years and I'm PG with DS1, and have gone to a hospital appointment, living in a totally different area now. I am lying on the examining table having taken off my bra because the Dr needs to examine my breasts. He's just warming his hands up when I glance at his name badge, sit bolt upright and say:

OMG! You're Joe Bloggs! I know you!'

He says: Erm, I'm sorry but I don't think you do.'

'Well I don't exactly know you but my friend Sally, remember her? blah blah blah...this is amazing! She won't believe it when I tell her! I remembered your name after all these years!

He shuffled about a bit, mumbled some polite nonsense about passing on his regards, then had to ask me to lay back down so he could fondle my breasts.

The worst bit is that whenever I recount this tale everyone I know says 'Breast exam? Since when did being PG mean you had a breast exam?

I'm starting to think either:

He was newly qualified and they sent all the sucker first timers in, because they knew no better and didn't dare question the relevance. I was used as a living lump of teaching fodder

Or: he was just copping a feel for no good reason.

Someone please tell me they've been given a breast exam as routine whilst PG. Please?!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 17/07/2010 22:48

Nope, sorry. And definitely not a pelvic. Please tell me you didn't have a pelvic?

ledodgy · 17/07/2010 22:48

Fellatio until I read that last bit I was thinking 'Who the hell gives a breast exam during pregnancy?' Sorry.

PortBlacksand · 17/07/2010 22:49

Oh dear lord - or an anal....

BitOfFun · 17/07/2010 22:51

Fellatio, try googling "Distinctive Name" + "struck off" and see what comes up?

FellatioNelson · 17/07/2010 22:51

Er...not by him no! I think I really would have remembered that. The boobs were embarrassing enough! Normally I wouldn't bat an eyelid but it was like being groped by someone you just met a drinks party.

OP posts:
UnholyMoley · 17/07/2010 22:52

I've never had a breast exam in my life and I've had two children.

I've heard of an anachronism used by doctors 'UBE' Unnecessary Breast Exam. However, I am a medical secretary and I have yet to come across it in any notes.

FellatioNelson · 17/07/2010 22:54

OK you are spooking me now!

OP posts:
Poledra · 17/07/2010 22:54

FN, I have had a breast exam during pregnancy, but that was because I got thrush and had incredibly itchy boobs (had appendicitis, so shedloads of ABs).

Never in my other two pgs.................

Superfly · 17/07/2010 22:57

On a training course I told 16 delegates that the purpose of a certain department working with our company was to "ring-piece" it. Instead of "ring-fencing" it

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 17/07/2010 22:57

Oh my life I am crying with laughter at these.

Mine is from Uni and at a medicial students party (always a bad idea).

The had made some killer punch that was making people drunk from the fumes alone but was rank to drink so we were raiding the kitchen to find something to make it taste better. Cute medical student found a cucumber and we were arguing about whether it would work unaware that there was a crowd gathering by the door...

OneTwo "it'll be fine I promise"
CuteMedic "are you sure it's pretty big"
OneTwo "Yeah i've seen bigger, just shove it in"

cue us both turning round to see everyone wetting themselves with laughter, funnily enough our protestations about the punch fell on deaf ears....

FellatioNelson · 17/07/2010 22:57

Thank god for that - can't remember being given a reason, but maybe I just looked itchy - or something.

OP posts:
PortBlacksand · 17/07/2010 22:58

Maybe he'd cocked you secretly via your friend all those years ago and thought you were hot! Couldn't resist the opportunity??